Haunted
by JessieWills
Summary: After Mr Grove calls Josie an 'old fool', she forces herself away from Florian and awakens memories that she had desperately tried to forget. This is about Josie's previous relationship with Mr Grove and her relationship with Florian as well. Disclaimer: I don't own Mr Selfridge, unfortunately.
1. Chapter 1

**Hello**

**So I've just finished one story and I've decided to start another because I'm bored and university work is not appealing. Pre-warning this story will have a lot more angsty moments in it compared to the last one but hopefully you enjoy it.**

**This is set after Mr Grove calls Josie old, the bastard, and she is beginning to ignore Florian.**

_"You are being taken for a fool Miss Mardle. An old fool."_

His words still hurt, even now when she was far away from the shop and in her own home. She was at home, the building where she had been so happy earlier with Florian, and yet now she couldn't even smile because she kept thinking about what he had said, what he had called her, what he had inferred about her relationship. She did care about Florian, more than she cared to actually admit to even herself, but what if Roger, Mr Grove had been correct? What if he had an ulterior motive for being with her? Why would someone as young and talented as Florian wish to be with her? She was old, she knew it and Mr Grove had reinforced that. She was an older woman now, she had no future. She knew very well, more than anyone, that there was no future in her relationship with Florian. Covering her mouth with her hand as she began to sob, Josie attempted to control her emotions, even though she knew she was failing.

"Josie," Florian's voice called out, probably from the stairs as she began to panic. She couldn't see him now. If she saw him now she would give in, she would let herself love him and be selfish, instead of protecting him. She had to keep him away, she had to have control over her own emotions before she was able to see him again and act like nothing had ever changed between them. Moving quickly towards the door as she heard Florian approaching the room, Josie quickly locked the door, her eyes shutting when she heard Florian try to open the door before he knocked gently. "Josie?" he questioned as she rested her head against the wood of the door, knowing that he was just on the other side. She could just open the door, let him in again and allow herself to relax into his arms. She could let him love her, let him make her feel so wonderful like he had been doing for the last week. She had been perfectly content, curled up in his arms every night, listening to his breathing but that was before she had seen sense, seen the stupidly in her recent behaviour. "Josie what is wrong?" Florian asked from the other side of the door while she remained perfectly still, biting into her lip to stop herself from sobbing loudly. The tears were running down her cheeks silently instead and she was beginning to taste blood from where she was biting into her lip too hard. She couldn't reply, they would end up talking and she would ultimately allow him back into her room. If she could keep him away, only for a little while, then things could return to normality again, they could act like they had never been lovers and he could find someone younger, someone who had a future with him. "I know that you are in there Josie," Florian sighed as she shut her eyes, listening to his voice. Everything about him was perfect, she couldn't allow herself to taint him, to ruin him when everything about him was so wonderful. "I will leave you alone Josie but I am here, if you wish to talk," he said quietly, silence falling for a few moments as she rested her hand against the door, unaware that he was doing the same on the other side. "I love you," he finally said before she heard his footsteps moving towards the stairs and the familiar creak of the top step as he began to walk down the stairs and away from her.

"I love you too," Josie finally whispered before she stepped back, staring at the door for a moment. It would be so easy to just open it, to run after him, to wrap her arms around him and never let him go but she wouldn't. She wouldn't allow him to believe in these feelings for any longer. If she ignored her own feelings, and remained away from him, then soon he would forget about her and fall in love with someone else. Someone young and beautiful who could give him everything that he ever wanted. Sitting down on her bed in silence, Josie glanced across at the space that Florian had started to occupy before shaking her head and removing her shoes. Lying down on his side of her bed, Josie shut her eyes as she rested her head against the pillow, his scent lingering in the material as she sobbed herself to sleep.

_"Mr Grove, would it be possible to talk to you?" Josie asked quietly, glancing up at her lover as he turned to face her. Four years they had been in a relationship and he had made it clear to her that he shouldn't been seen alone together in the shop, in case they did something that made everyone aware of what was going on between them. "It is important, I wouldn't if it wasn't," she whispered as he sighed, finally nodding as a small smile covered her face._

_"Come to my office during your lunch Miss Mardle," he stated as she nodded, thanking him quietly before she disappeared towards her department, aware that Roger was watching her the whole time. She knew that he really did care about her and that they couldn't be public about their relationship, one because of his wife and two because the shop frowned upon staff having relationships with each other, but she sometimes wished that he would be more open with her. She loved him, and he had told her that he loved her, and they had been in a relationship for four long years. It had been difficult at times, especially since he could only visit her once a week and sometimes he could not even make that, but she still loved him and their relationship. Standing behind the counter as the head of department glared across at her for disappearing during her shift, Josie sighed as she glanced across the shop, not surprised to find it practically empty. It was a cold and wet day, people hardly ever came to the shops when the weather was as vile as it was. Tapping her fingers against her hand as she glanced across at the clock, Josie bit into her lip as she watched the minutes pass without a customer approaching._

_"Miss Mardle, why don't you go and have lunch?" her head of department suggested as Josie smiled across at the older man before nodding, quickly moving away from the counter and towards the stairs. Walking up them slowly, Josie felt her nerves increase as she began to reach Roger's office. She didn't know how to tell him, she didn't know how he was going to act either and that terrified her. She wasn't sure how to behave or feel about their situation but she knew he was going to find it even harder to deal with. Reaching the door to his office, Josie breathed out before she tapped on the door frame, part of her hoping that he wouldn't be in his office so that she could prolong telling him._

_"Come in," Roger's voice beckoned, calling her in as she opened the door and quickly stepped inside, forcing a smile onto her face as she shut the door and looked across at him. He could see that her hands were shaking as she stood in complete silence while watching him. Standing, Roger slowly moved towards her as a small smile covered his face. She really was beautiful and he felt so lucky to have her in his life, even though he regretted treating her like he did. He wished he could give her the commitment she deserved and be there like she wanted but with his wife's illness getting worse he knew that it would be unfair to the woman he had loved to just leave her for someone else, even if he did adore Josie. "Josie, what was so important it couldn't wait till Tuesday?" he asked quietly as she stared up at him. Could she wait till Tuesday? It was only five days away. If she waited it would give her more time to think about how to tell him, to adjust to the idea. "You are shaking," he whispered as he slowly took hold of her hands in his, feeling them shaking while she bit into her lip. "Josie darling, what's the matter?" he asked quietly, taking one hand away from hers to cup her cheek._

_"Roger," she whispered as he watched her, noticing the tears in her eyes. "Roger I…" she began before shaking her head and stepping away, turning to face away from him while he watched. He had never seen her like this. She had always been strong and confident, prepared to tell him whatever was on her mind. He had never seen her so nervous about something._

_"Josie, if you wish to end…" he began, stopping when she turned to look at him in shock._

_"No, never, I love you," she blurted out before he smiled at her. "Why? Do you want to end this Roger?" she asked quietly as he shook his head, moving towards her again before he wrapped his arms around her, keeping her close to him as she rested her forehead against his chest._

_"Josie what is the matter?" he asked quietly, glancing down at her while she began to shake her head. She couldn't tell him. She didn't know how to tell him. She knew that he wouldn't be happy, he would panic and become concerned and he wouldn't be impressed. "You know you can tell me anything love," he whispered, leaning down to kiss her gently before they both glanced towards the door, knowing that he shouldn't have done that. "One day we will get caught," he smiled against her lips as she remained silent, all colour disappearing from her face. "Josie darling, I was joking. No one will catch us, we'll be fine," he promised, moving to kiss her again but stopping when she leant away from him. "Josie," he sighed, it becoming clearer that there was something seriously wrong._

_"I'm pregnant," she said quietly, feeling him immediately step away after she'd said it._

_"What?" he asked, shock covering his face as she rested her hands against her abdomen. "You're what?" he asked again, trying hard to remain quiet as she remained perfectly still, not surprised by his shocked expression._

_"Roger," Josie whispered, falling quiet again when he shook his head and sat down, running his fingers through his hair as she continued to watch him. "Roger please say something."_

_"I…" he began before shaking his head again. She was pregnant? "You need to go back to work," he declared as she felt the shock cover her face._

_"What? Roger we need to talk about our," she responded, falling silent when he glared across at her._

_"Go to work Josie," he stated as she nodded slowly, moving towards the door while he continued to watch her. She didn't look pregnant, she didn't look any different, she still looked like his Josie. "Miss Mardle," he called out, hating himself when he saw the upset in her face when she turned to look at him. Not only had he reacted poorly to her admission, he had now addressed her as a colleague rather than his lover. "Tuesday, we will discuss it further on Tuesday."_

_"Tuesday?" she immediately responded, clearly frustrated. "You wish to discuss this in five days time, it's important Roger, it's our ba…" she began._

_"Josie, not here," he snapped as she bit into her lip, trying to silence herself. "Go back to work Josie, we will discuss our problem on Tuesday," he declared, not surprised when she opened the door and left his office without even talking to him again._

Sitting up in shock, Josie tried to control her erratic breathing as her hand moved to her abdomen. She hadn't thought about that day in years, she had tried desperately to forget. Falling back against the pillows in shock, Josie kept her hand on her abdomen as tears began to run down her cheeks. This wasn't fair. It was bad enough that she had forced Florian away but now she was being haunted in her dreams with memories she had desperately tried to forget. Staring up at the ceiling, Josie slowly brought one hand to her face to wipe away her tears before she bit into her lip. This was exactly why she couldn't get involved with Florian, she had too much of a past to burden him with.

**So what do you think? Would you like me to carry on or is it not something you'd be interested in? Please review and let me know. **


	2. Chapter 2

**Thank you for your wonderful reviews, they mean the world to me and I'm glad that you are enjoying the idea of this story. This isn't the best chapter written but hopefully you enjoy it.**

**Dedicated to my wonderful reviewers, you really do make me so happy!**

"Florian is concerned about you," Agnes commented as she walked down the street with a silent Josie, taking in how exhausted the older woman looked as they stepped onto Oxford Street. "You didn't join us for breakfast, he thought he would see you as he said that he had something he wished to talk to you about," she explained quickly as Josie nodded slowly, covering her mouth with her hand to hide her yawn while Agnes continued to watch her, clearly concerned. "Is everything alright Josie?" Agnes asked nervously, stopping outside the shop entrance while Josie continued to remain silent. "You do know that you can talk to me about anything that may be troubling you, I will not tell anyone. I know that you are a very private person," she said quietly as Josie smiled weakly.

"Thank you Agnes but there is nothing wrong with me," Josie stated before she glanced at the entrance to the shop. She almost couldn't face working, face seeing Roger and various customers while trying to act like she was the happiest person on the planet. She couldn't be upset and exhausted while she was serving various clients, she had to act like she hadn't been distressed by anything. "Now we must get to work Miss Towler, I expect today will be a busy day" Josie said quickly, forcing a smile onto her face as she stepped into the shop, desperately trying to act like a professional. Her work was her life, she had nothing else and she could not lose this because of some bad memories. Removing her coat and hat in silence, Josie placed her belongings where she did every morning before stepping out of the staff room and approaching accessories to see Grace already organising the various products. "Good morning Miss Calthorpe."

"Good morning Miss Mardle," the happy blonde responded as she smiled across at the older woman, who nodded in recognition before returning to her work. Approaching the gloves that she organised every single day, Josie sighed as she checked them over before straightening them in silence, an action she did every morning. She usually enjoyed organising the gloves before the shop opened, it gave her time to think as she knew what she was doing off by heart and could therefore allow her thoughts to wander.

"Josie," Roger sighed as they stepped into the house, the man watching as she stormed further into her home, disappearing into her living room as he shut the front door. "Josie," he called out again, moving further into the house before he stepped into the living room to see Josie standing by the wall with her back to him. "Josie," he said again, watching as she turned to face him, immediately noticing the anger that was covering her face. "Josie," he sighed once more, not knowing what else to say to her.

_"You can't even bare to touch me can you?" she asked as he stared at her in confusion._

_"What do you mean?" Roger questioned._

_"You usually hold my hand on the train, you didn't," she explained as he remained silent. "You're disgusted by me, aren't you? You're disgusted by the fact that I am pregnant with your child," she stated as he moved towards her. "Do not come near me," she warned as he stopped, still watching her in complete silence. "You really hate the idea, don't you? You hate that I'm pregnant," she responded, her anger increasing as she continued to watch Roger, who remained perfectly silent. _

_"Josie," he sighed._

_"Our problem that's what you called our baby. Our problem is what you see our baby as," she blurted out, starting to pace up and down the room while Roger watched. "You hate our child already, you hate the idea that we are going to have a child together," Josie muttered quickly, still pacing up and down the room while her hand moved to rest on her abdomen._

_"Josie I do not hate our child, please stop thinking that," he declared, his voice clearly echoing his frustration with her. "I was just shocked when you told me. It is not everyday your...well, you, tell me that we are going to have a baby."_

_"And yet you are appalled by the idea of us having a baby together," Josie stated as he groaned, turning to face away from her before he could shout at her. "Roger, I need you. I am scared, I have no idea what I am doing, I am going to have a baby and I am not married and people will immediately have something to say about our child and me and you clearly don't want anything to do with our baby and I won't be able to carry on working. How am I going to afford my rent? How am I going to feed two people when I have no job?" she blurted out, tears running down her cheeks as he slowly moved towards her._

_"Josie," Roger whispered, trying to comfort her, as he stepped towards her, wrapping his arms around her figure before she shook her head and moved away from him._

_"Do you even love me Roger?" she asked as shock covered his face. "Or am I just a way of passing the time while your wife is unwell?"_

_"Josie, you know I love you so much and you know that I would marry you if she wasn't so ill. I want to be with you Josie," he declared as tears continued to run down her cheeks, while her arms wrapped around her chest. "Josie please calm down, it's not good for the baby."_

_"What do you care?" Josie snapped as he stared at her. "You clearly don't want our baby. It is just a problem that you want to go away," she declared. "Would you have even come here tonight if I hadn't waited for you?" she asked as he remained silent. "Roger, do you even want children? Do you want this baby?" she questioned, staring at him in silence as she rested her hands on her abdomen again. "Do you want anything to do with the baby that is currently growing inside me?"_

_"I…" he began before falling silent. "Josie it is a shock, I just need time to think," he blurted out as she remained silent, tears still running down her cheeks as she moved towards the living room door that he had shut when he had entered the room. Opening it, Josie turned to face Roger as he stood in the middle room in completely silent before biting into her lip for a moment._

_"I would like you to leave," Josie stated as shock covered his face. It was Tuesday, he always spent Tuesday with her, he had done for years. "I don't care where you go or what you tell your wife, just don't come near me until you have thought about our baby and whether you are actually interested," she stated as he slowly moved towards the exit, looking at her for a moment while she remained silent. "Mr Grove, please leave my house," she stated, trying not to show any emotion as Roger leant across and gently pressed a kiss to her head, her eyes shutting at the touch before he walked out of the living room and out of her house, hearing her start to sob when he closed the front door._

"Josie," a voice declared, snapping her out of her thoughts as she glanced up to see Agnes and Grace both watching her, concern painted across her face as she realised that she had started to cry and was now sat on the floor. "Miss Mardle, let's go and get a cup of tea," Agnes said quietly, holding her hand out to help Josie off the floor before the older woman took hold of it and accepted the help. Leading Josie away from accessories, Agnes looked across at the older woman who was shaking in silence as they approached the staff room.

"Miss Mardle? Miss Towler?" Mr Grove's voice questioned as they reached the doorway, Agnes turning to face the older man as Josie remained perfectly still, staring at the door. "Is anything the matter?" he asked as Agnes tried to think of a way to answer.

"Miss Mardle is feeling faint, I was going to make her a cup of tea. She forgot to have breakfast this morning," Agnes lied as concern covered Roger's face before he glanced across at Josie.

"Miss Mardle if you are feeling unwell you should go home, I am sure accessories can cope without you for one day," Mr Grove commented as Josie turned to face him, Roger immediately noticing the exhausted look that covered her face and the tear stains that decorated her cheeks. "Josie," he whispered, his worry obvious, as she shook her head. She didn't want to talk to him, she didn't want him to know why she looked so unwell. She didn't want to discuss her memories with him. "I think you should go home Miss Mardle," he admitted, not surprised when Josie began to shake her head.

"I do not need to go home Mr Grove, I just need a cup of tea and a moment," Josie whispered, not wanting to return to the silence of her home and her small bedroom while she tried to avoid Florian. "Thank you for your concern," she added before she opened the door and stepped inside the empty room, Agnes excusing herself before she followed Josie, shutting the door behind her.

"Josie what is going on?" Agnes asked quietly as she moved towards the kettle, starting to prepare Josie a cup of tea while the older woman sat down and buried her face into her hands. "You clearly are not well, perhaps you should go home. I am sure that Florian would be happy to look after you if you went home. He does care about you," she suggested as Josie remained completely silent. "You can talk to me Josie, anything you tell me would stay between us."

"I have nothing to talk about Agnes," Josie stated simply as Agnes watched her for a moment, finishing the cup of tea before she passed it to the older woman, taking the seat beside her as the room fell silent. "There is nothing wrong with me, I am just tired, I didn't sleep," Josie declared, feeling Agnes' eyes on her as she began to drink the tea. "Did anyone else see?" she asked quietly, clearly nervous about her reputation as she looked across at her friend.

"Only Grace and I," Agnes reassured as Josie nodded slowly, embarrassed that they had both seen her in that state.

XOXOXOXOXO

"Josie," Florian responded as he stood up when she approached the front door that evening. Agnes had only worked a short shift that day in order to go with George to the doctor and Josie could only guess that she had been home and told Florian about what had happened that morning, therefore explaining why he was sat on their doorstep. "I didn't want to miss you," he stated as she stood still, staring at him in shock. "Agnes told me what happened," he said quietly, clearly worried about her as she felt herself pale.

"She had no right to concern you, it was nothing," Josie responded, moving towards the door but stopping when he took hold of her hand. "Please let go of my hand, I'm tired and I want to go to bed," she stated as he squeezed her hand gently, trying somehow to show her that he was there, that he wasn't going to disappear.

"Without dinner?" he asked quietly as she nodded.

"I'm not hungry, I just want to sleep Mr Dupont," Josie admitted, aware that she hadn't eaten a proper meal since the previous lunchtime.

"Josie please, tell me what's wrong, let me in," Florian begged as he moved closer to her, still keeping hold of her hand. "You locked your day last night, you wouldn't even let me see you Josie. I missed you," he admitted as she shut her eyes, trying not to cry as she snatched her hand away from him and stepped inside the house, the musician following her. "I love you Josie, please let me help you."

"You don't love me," Josie declared while moving towards the stairs, feeling his eyes on her as she turned to face him. "Please forget about me, forget about what happened between us," she said quietly as he shook his head, opening his mouth to respond but falling silent when Josie quickly hurried up the stairs, the sound of her door shutting echoing around the house.

**Review? I really do love hearing from you. **


	3. Chapter 3

**Thank you for your truly wonderful reviews, they mean the world to me and I adore reading them. They make me want to write and I hope you continue to enjoy this story.**

_Lying in bed, Josie sighed as she moved one of her pillows to rest beside her before she rested across it, shutting her eyes as she took in the emptiness of the bed. It had been one week and Roger was still avoiding her, only talking to her when it was necessary at work. It was Tuesday night, their night, and he had not come to see her like he did most weeks unless he had found her earlier in the day and explain why he couldn't visit her. Even though his actions had made it clear to her that he wanted nothing to do with their child, she still missed him. She missed the warmth and security of his arms, the late night conversations they had together while curled up in bed, the comfort of having someone to be at home with. Moving one of her hands to rest on her abdomen, Josie weakly smiled as she glanced down at where her hand was resting while tears began to run down her cheeks. _

_"We will be alright," Josie whispered as she kept her eyes on her hands. "You and I, we will manage somehow. I will not let him ruin this and maybe one day he will see sense," she mumbled, shutting her eyes as she attempted to relax in her bed while trying to ignore the empty space beside her._

Waking up, Josie stared at the ceiling before she glanced across to see that it was dark outside. She had clearly been exhausted. She had not changed out of her work clothes and she hadn't even shut the curtains, instead she had just laid across her bed and let herself succumb to the sleep she desperately need. Climbing out of her bed in silence, Josie shut the curtain before she began to undo her dress, resting the material on the bed before she found her white nightgown and threw it on over her shaking body. While she was still tired, she knew she would be unable to sleep. She wanted to resist sleep as much as possible. If she slept, the dreams would haunt her and things would just get worse. If she stayed awake, she could fight them, keep herself busy and act like nothing was wrong. Finding her dressing gown, Josie pulled it on before tightly wrapping it around her body, trying desperately to warm herself up as she moved towards her bedroom door and unlocked it. The house was silent, unsurprisingly. It was the early hours of the morning and she knew that her two lodgers would be fast asleep, like most people and she was desperate to not disturb them. She would make herself a cup of tea and then go back to bed, maybe read a book or plan the various things that she needed to do that week.

_A sharp stabbing pain ran through her abdomen as she groaned in pain and wrapped her arms tightly around her stomach._

"No," Josie whispered, grabbing hold of the banister as she stopped on the stairs and attempted to calm herself down. Slowly walking down the stairs as she continued to try and calm her breathing, Josie reached the bottom step before moving towards the kitchen, her arms wrapping tightly around her body again.

_She had never felt anything as painful as the cramps that were currently plaguing her. She couldn't even think, it hurt too much, she didn't know how to stop the pain. She just wanted it to end, she wanted it to be over._

"No," Josie muttered, tears running down her cheeks as she rested her back against the wall, her body continuing to shake as the memories continued to haunt her. Shutting her eyes as she moved her hands to her abdomen, Josie shook her head as she continued to fail at calming herself down. She wanted it all to stop now, she wanted the memories to stop. She wanted them to leave her alone again.

_Forcing herself to sit up as the pain continued to run through her body, Josie sobbed as she kept one arm wrapped around her abdomen. It hurt. It hurt so badly. Clenching her fist around the sheet as she groaned in pain, Josie threw the blanket off her body before paling at the sight in front of her, feeling physically sick._

"I've got you," a voice whispered, snapping her out of her thoughts, making her suddenly realise that she had started to collapse and was now being supported by Florian. Her hands were shaking, her body felt weak and she could smell the iron in her blood, she could remember the feeling of the blood staining her fingers and it was like she was feeling the stabbing pains again. "Josie," Florian whispered as she began to collapse again, horror covering his face as he finally lifted her into his arms and felt her rest her head against the crook of his neck, the dampness of her tears against his skin horrifying him. Carrying her into the living room, Florian slowly rested her across the sofa before he found a nearby blanket and draped it over her body before kneeling beside her. "Please try and sleep Josie, please just try, you're not well," he whispered, standing up before he leant down and pressed a kiss to her forehead. She barely felt the kiss to her head, she knew he was there but it was like she wasn't there, she felt far away from him. All she could think of was the blood and the pain and the baby that she couldn't keep safe.

Watching her in silence, Florian sat down in a nearby armchair while Josie lay across the sofa in tears. He didn't know how to help, how to make it better. He had heard her walking down the stairs and was concerned so he had decided to join her, see if there was anything he could do to make her feel better. He had just entered the kitchen when she had started to collapse, the brunette completely unaware of what her body was doing when he had caught her, stopping her from crashing into the floor. She seemed lost, in pain and he didn't know how to help. Observing her shut her eyes, Florian smiled weakly as he breathed out in relief. She was trying to sleep, hopefully that would make her feel slightly better if not stronger. Resting into the chair, Florian yawned before shaking his head. He was going to stay awake, make sure that she was okay through the night. She may be pushing him away but he was not going to abandon her when she needed someone. He would be there, in any way he possibly could.

_"Miss Mardle," Roger smiled as the brunette entered his office in silence, his smile disappearing when he took in how pale she looked and how she was resting her hand against the wall, like she needed to support herself._

_"Can I sit down please?" Josie asked quietly, her voice shaky as he nodded, watching as she attempted to step away from the wall but immediately rested against it again. Standing quickly, Roger walked towards her before wrapping his arm tightly around her waist, leading her towards the chair as she remained completely silent. He could feel her resting into him, searching for some form of stability before he helped her to the chair and knelt down beside her once she had sat down. "Thank you Roger," she responded, looking at him as he continued to take in her behaviour. Something was really wrong. She was pale, sick and he had never seen her look this weak. There was something majorly wrong with her and he wanted to help._

_"What's wrong my love?" he asked quietly, reaching up to rest his hand against her cheek as she shut her eyes, trying hard not to cry while he watched her. "Josie darling, whatever is the matter?"_

_"Why didn't you come to me last night Roger?" she suddenly blurted out. "Are we…?"_

_"I had to deal with some work things and then I was going to come Josie but the nurse came, she had a turn last night and they needed me. I… I wanted to come and see you Josie, I wanted to tell you that I love you, both of you, and that I want…" he began before she shook her head, hating him for saying this now._

_"I miscarried," she sobbed as shock covered his face. What? _

_"When?" he asked quietly._

_"Last night," she admitted. "I lost our baby last night Roger," she whispered, finally admitting it to herself as he stood up and moved towards the window in shock before immediately turning to face her, his immediate concern becoming her. "There's no baby anymore," she muttered, trying to get used to the fact that she had lost her child, the child that she had already loved. _

_"You should be at home resting, you need to go home now," he blurted out, amazed that she had even made it into work. "You can barely stand, there is no way you can work on the shop floor all day," he stated as she rested her hand on her abdomen again, hating that the baby that she had loved was no longer there. "Please Josie, go home and rest. Let your body recover."_

_"I don't want to be alone. If I am alone, I will think about the baby and everything that has happened. Anyway people will ask questions if I leave now Roger," she responded as she stood up, supporting her body by holding onto the chair as he walked towards her and wrapped his arms around her body, pressing a kiss into her hair. "I'm sorry, I should have done more to save…" she began before falling silent when he shook his head._

_"You couldn't have done anything more Josie. It just happens sometimes, you couldn't have done anything to save the baby," he whispered, kissing her gently as tears continued to run down her cheeks. "What if I took you home?" he suggested as she stared at him in shock._

_"But people…" she whispered._

_"Would think that I am taking an ill friend home because she was unwell," he stated as she remained silent. "I will take you home Josie, you can get some needed rest and I will come back when work is done," he responded, pressing another kiss to her forehead as she rested her head against his chest, enjoying the warmth and security of his arms._

_"But it's Wednesday, you only stay on Tuesday nights. That is when she believes you to be at your club," she said quietly, realising how stupid she sounded as he smiled weakly at her._

_"And tonight you need me. I will not let you spend another night alone while you are like this," he declared as she slowly nodded, wrapping her arm around his as he began to lead her out of the office._

"Josie, Josie, you need to wake up," Florian declared, moving quickly towards the sofa as she continued to turn in her sleep, clearly distressed. Kneeling beside the sofa in silence, Florian stared at her for a moment before he leant across and pinned her gently into the cushions, trying to stop her was thrashing about and limiting the risk of being hurt. "Josie, wake up," he said louder, shocked when she gasped and sat up, tears running down her cheeks before she looked across at the younger man who was watching her. "Josie," the musician whispered.

"Please leave me alone," Josie begged as he stared at her, watching as she stood up and supported herself by resting her hand on the sofa. "Please," she whispered, tears running down her cheeks as she quickly walked out of the room before he could respond. Disappearing up the stairs and into her room, Josie shut the door before locking it and resting her back against the wood. "I'm sorry," Josie sobbed to herself, not completely sure who she was apologizing too as she pressed her hand to her abdomen again before she slid down the door and sat on the floor in tears.

She was losing everything. Her control, her mind, the man she loved. Her world was crumbling around her.

**Review? Let me know your opinions and anything you might want to see in the story and I will see whether it will fit with my current plan.  
**


	4. Chapter 4

**The response to the last chapter was amazing, thank you for the fantastic reviews. I absolutely adore them and you have all been so kind.**

_"Let's go away for the weekend," Josie suggested as she remained curled up in his arms. It had been two weeks since they had lost their baby and Josie was starting to feel better about things, starting to feel like her body was recovering from what had happened. However, she was struggling to "Just the two of us, away from London," she whispered, glancing round at him as he smiled weakly at her. He wanted to agree, he wanted to take her away for a weekend. "We could go to the beach or the country," she continued as he slowly leant forward and kissed him gently._

_"I would love to Josie but.." he began as she sighed and nodded, resting back against his chest while he gently pressed a kiss into her hair. "It would be suspicious if I suddenly went away for a week. She's noticing Josie, she's been asking where I've been over the last two weeks Josie. I have been here more than I should have been," he declared quickly as she sighed and moved off the bed while he fell back against her pillows, watching her as she tightly wrapped her robe around her body and moved towards the window to look outside. "Josie you have to understand my love," he stated quickly as he climbed off the bed and moved towards her, wrapping his arms tightly around her body as she suddenly went tense. "Josie?" he questioned._

_"Been here more than you should have been?" Josie questioned as she turned around to face him. "I thought you wanted to be here, I thought you cared about me," she stated as she pushed him away from her before moving across the room. "I thought you wanted to look after me," she whispered, wrapping her arms around her body as he groaned and slowly started to collect his clothes while she shook her head and walked out of her bedroom. Entering her kitchen, Josie stared out of the window before shaking her head. Of course he was only there out of obligation, he clearly didn't feel anything towards her. He was only there because she had lost their child and he had felt guilty. He wasn't there because he loved her. Hearing the floorboards creak behind her, Josie turned to see Roger approaching her completely dressed and clearly about to leave._

_"Please stop doubting that I love you," he begged as he wrapped his arms around her. "I know it's been difficult time but you have to understand, I do love you, but even if I don't want too I have to go home to her. She is my wife," he whispered, pressing another kiss into her hair while she shut her eyes and nodded slowly. "I will see you tomorrow love," he continued, stepping away from her as she remained perfectly still. Opening her eyes seconds later, Josie continued to look out of the window as she heard Roger walk down the corridor before the front door opened and shut. Sometimes she really did question why she loved him when he could be such an arse?_

"Josie?" Florian's voice called out from the corridor, snapping her out of her thoughts as she turned to face the door. "Josie, I have your breakfast," he continued as she glanced down at her lap in silence. Part of her felt like she should pretend to be asleep, pretend that she hadn't heard him but most of her wanted to open the door and let him in, talk to him about the previous evening. She wanted to thank him, she wanted to thank him for being their last night when she had been pushing him away and for looking after her. "I just want to give you your breakfast Josie, I haven't seen you eat a decent meal for nearly three days. I just want to make sure that you have something to eat," he explained as she bit into her lip before standing and moving towards the door, her hand shaking as she reached for the lock. Unlocking it slowly, Josie moved to open the door slightly to see Florian standing in silence with a tray in his hands. "Good morning," he said quietly as she smiled weakly. "Can I come in?" he asked, trying not to push her too much. Nodding slowly, Josie opened the door further before allowing him into her room and shutting the door behind him.

"You didn't have to bring me breakfast, I'm not hungry," she stated as he rested the tray on her bedside table and turned to face her.

"Have a bite of toast at least Josie," he said quietly as she glanced across at the tray before sitting down on her bed. "You nearly collapsed last night Josie, that clearly says that there's something wrong…" he began.

"There is nothing wrong with me Florian," Josie snapped before falling silent, shaking her head when she realised how she'd reacted. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry for snapping at you, you didn't deserve that," she whispered as he smiled weakly at her, knowing that there was something wrong. "Sit, please," Josie suggested, "I want to talk to you Florian," she said quietly before he nodded and moved to sit beside her on the bed, leaving enough space between them to make her feel comfortable. "Thank you for looking after me last night, I can't imagine what would have happened if you hadn't been there Florian," Josie admitted, glancing across at the musician who smiled at her weakly.

"You would have probably knocked yourself out," he commented as she nodded slowly. "I just want you to know Josie, I want you to know that I always be here if you want someone to talk too about anything," he explained as she bit into her lip nervously, trying not to stay cl. "I just want you to know Josie that I will be here for you. If you need a friend to talk too or a shoulder to cry on or you want to rant at someone, I'm here," he stated as she felt the tears run down her cheeks. Why did he have to be so kind, even when she had been such a bitch towards him?

"I have been so horrible to you recently Florian," Josie whispered as he shook his head and moved slightly closer to her. "And you have been so kind, looking after me last night and bringing me breakfast," Josie commented as he smiled weakly at her. "Florian, I know this is a terrible thing to ask," she began as he continued to watch her in silence. "Could you hug me?" she questioned.

"Of course," he responded, wrapping his arms around her as she buried her face into the crook of his neck, no longer caring whether it was awkward or not. She felt safe in his arms and she needed that right now, she needed that feeling of security. Even though she was not willing to let him be in her life anymore, part of her still wanted to be selfish and enjoy the safety of his arms, even for a few moments. "Will you tell me what is wrong?" he asked quietly as she shook her head. She didn't want to burden him with what had happened. She didn't want him to pity her. She didn't want people to know her business. It was private and she didn't want people discussing it, gossiping about her inability to have children. "Will you tell me one day Josie? If you're ready?" he questioned as Josie looked up at him for a moment. "I mean, I wouldn't force you to tell me Josie, just if you wanted to talk to someone, then I'm here," he suggested as she nodded slowly, moving away from him as he fell silent again.

"You are too good to me," Josie commented as he shook his head before standing up. "I want to thank you for last night," she stated when he reached the door, turning to face her when she said it.

"I didn't do anything," Florian whispered.

"You looked after me Florian, you caught me before any serious damage could happen," she began as he remained silent. "You sat there while I was sleeping, you looked after me. It's been a long time since I had someone look after me properly," she added as he nodded, smiling across at her as she reached across for a piece of toast. "Thank you for breakfast," she said quietly as he nodded and left the room in silence, shutting the door behind him.

_"Josie, you must stop this," Roger commented as they stood in his office together, Roger glaring across at her as she stood by the window with her arms crossed. "You are being ridiculous, you have always known Josie that our relationship will have to fit around my marriage," he stated as she turned to look at him in shock._

_"Fit around?" she questioned._

_"Josie," he sighed as he stood up._

_"So basically I'm a burden then Roger, something you have to schedule into your married life," Josie stated before shaking her head. "Why are you even with me Roger? If I am such a burden to you?" she questioned._

_"Josie, please stop doing this. You're upsetting yourself, you will make yourself sick and you have only just recovered," Roger commented as she shook her head at him."Is this because of the weekend?" he asked quickly. "Is this because of the weekend Josie?" he asked quickly._

_"Yes, it is slightly to do with the weekend," Josie explained. "I want to spend some time with you because I love you Roger and I thought you loved me. I want to go somewhere where you won't be looking over your shoulder to see whether anyone will see you kiss me or talk to me," she stated before moving towards the door. "I love you, I want to have a family with you, I just want to be with you Roger," she explained before opening the door and walking out of his office._

Why had she been in a relationship with him for so long? Buttoning up her dress, Josie glanced in the mirror as she continued to think back on her previous relationship. She had forgotten all the bad times, all the arguments they'd had, how terrible he'd made her feel at times and yet she'd stayed with him because she had loved him. She had wanted to marry him and have a family with him and be his wife. She had really wanted that with him, she had spent twelve years imagining the day that he would finally be able to marry her. It wasn't until he had abandoned her for another woman, a younger woman, that she had been forced to realise how wrong their relationship had been. Moving her hand to her abdomen again, Josie watched her reflection in the mirror for a moment before she bit into her lip. She needed to get on with her life, she needed to stop thinking about the past. She had been moving on with her life now, she had met someone who loved her and she had successfully managed to push him away because of Roger. Even now, Roger was still affecting her life.

"What am I doing?" Josie said to herself. She had pushed away the man who loved her, the man who had come to her that very morning and had offered to be there for her in whatever way she wanted. Who had offered to be her shoulder to cry on. He had even hugged her when she had asked, even though she had pushed him away from her. "Oh god," she muttered quickly, sitting down in silence before she buried her face into her hands. "You are doing this for him," she declared, trying to remind herself again why she was pushing Florian away. She was old, miserable, broken and was unable to ever give him the children that he would one day want. She had been through one relationship where she had been told by the man, who had apparently loved her, that children didn't matter only to be abandoned when he had decided that he wanted to have a family.

The thought of him actually deciding to leave her, abandoning her again for the prospect of a family and children, terrified her and part of her knew that if he ever did it would push her over the edge.

**Review? It really does mean the world to me.**


	5. Chapter 5

**So I decided that I would just do a short complete flashback chapter as a filler and then the next chapter will continue with the drama. This chapter just gives a greater insight into the Roger/Josie relationship and I hope you enjoy it.**

**I apologise that it is really short but the next few chapters will be much longer.**

**Thank you for your wonderful reviews so far, they have all be so kind and I am glad that you have enjoyed them.**

_"Roger," Josie said in amazement as she stared at the man who was stood on the doorstep. She had rented a cottage in the country for a couple of days, giving her the opportunity to clear her head and get out of London for a little while. She had told Roger where she was going, where the cottage was but she had never expected him to come to the actual house. He had made it clear that he couldn't take the time away from his wife and she had decided to go without him because she was not going to let him stop her. "I didn't think you were going to…" she began as he smiled at her weakly._

_"I wasn't Josie and then I thought, the woman I love is in the country and I want to be with her. I just want to spend a couple of days with you Josie," he explained as he moved towards her, his arms slowly wrapping around his body as she smiled up at him. "I want to be able to do this without worrying about anyone watching," Roger whispered before he leant down and kissed her gently, her fingers slowly running through his hair as he deepened the kiss. "I'm sorry that I hurt you Josie, that I made you feel like I didn't love you," Roger said gently against his lips as she shook her head, smiling weakly as she continued to watch him. She couldn't believe that he was there, that he had decided to be with her for a weekend. "Will you show me around?" he asked quietly as she nodded, moving out of the way to let him into the house before she shut the door and smiled at the wood for a moment before turning to face Roger._

_"Thank you for coming Roger," Josie smiled as she laced her fingers with his and began to lead him around the small cottage. "It's lovely but it is so quiet here Roger, I miss the noise," she admitted, stepping into the living room as he glanced around, taking in the log fire and the comfortable furniture that filled the room. "I do love it here," she added as she led him towards the window, showing him the view of the hills and small houses that surrounded the cottage._

_"You really did choose somewhere beautiful," he commented as he wrapped his arms around her body again. "I have treated you so badly recently," he whispered into her hair as she shut her eyes and rested back against his chest. "Josie, could we discuss what happened later?" he asked, feeling her tense in his arms at the request. "If you're not ready," he whispered as she shook her head, opening her eyes before she glanced up at him._

_"Tonight," she responded as he smiled weakly, kissing her gently before she turned his arms and smiled up at him. "Let's go for a walk," she whispered as he nodded, kissing her again before she laughed and moved away from him to collect her coat and hat, Roger watching her as she began to button her coat up. She really was beautiful when she was happy. He adored watching her smile and laugh and be content, she just shone. The woman that he was currently watching was the woman he had first been attracted too when he had met her for the first time in the shop and had ultimately fallen in love with. "What are you thinking about Roger?" Josie asked, snapping him out of his thoughts before he walked towards her._

_"Just thinking about how much I love you," he whispered, pressing a kiss to her forehead before they walked out of the house together, her arm wrapping tightly around his._

_XOXOXOXOXOXOXO_

_"That was a wonderful dinner Josie," Roger smiled as she entered the living room, her arms crossing around her body as she watched him start the log fire before standing and sitting down on the sofa. Moving to sit beside him, Josie slowly cuddled into his side as he wrapped his arms around her, trying to provide some security for her that he knew she would need with the conversation they were about to have. "Josie can we talk about what happened?" he asked quietly as she nodded slowly, glancing down at her lap for a moment while he remained silent._

_"I was in bed," Josie began as he continued to hold her. "I was asleep and suddenly there was this pain, the worst pain I'd ever felt," she whispered, moving her hand to her abdomen as she remembered curling in on herself and trying to stop the pain, trying to protect herself from what she knew was happening. "I tried to move, tried to stop it and then I saw the blood," she declared, her voice breaking when she thought once again about the stains that had covered her bedsheets. "And then I realised that I had lost our baby."_

_"I should have been there," Roger declared, feeling guilty for not being there on the one night that she had needed him. She had needed someone to hold her, to try and make her feel better, to support her when she realised what was happening. "I'm sorry Josie."_

_"I had never thought about having a family until I realised I was pregnant," Josie admitted as he nodded, knowing that neither of them had discussed children before the baby. although it was becoming clear now that it was something that they both wanted. "I want to have a family Roger," she admitted as she looked up at him. "I want to have children, I want to be a mother," she stated as she sat up straight and looked across at him. "I know that it was a shock to you Roger, it was to me too but I have thought about it and I want to be a mother. I want to have children with the man I love, with you," she explained as he reached across for her hand and took hold of it. Lacing his fingers with hers in complete silence, Roger slowly moved closer before kissing her gently. "Roger," she whispered._

_"We could try and have a baby again," he suggested as her smile grew. "It would be difficult."_

_"We would make it work," Josie responded as she squeezed his hand. "Do you really mean it Roger?" she asked in amazement as he nodded, pressing a kiss to her forehead as she shut her eyes at the touch. "Don't say it unless you truly mean it, you have to want to have a baby," she stated as he moved closer to her, his free arm wrapping tightly around her body as she stared at him. "We will not be married, it will not be as easy."_

_"I want to have a baby with you Josie Mardle."_

**Not a particularly great chapter but it will move us along with the plot.**

**Review? **


	6. Chapter 6

**Hello again, another chapter from me and it's nearly 4am and I'm due to go shopping in 6 hours…**

**Pre Warning, there are major spaces in time between the flashbacks. I want to get a move on with the plot and I thought that was the best way to do it, so hopefully you enjoy.**

**Thank you for your reviews, they do mean the world to me.**

Standing outside the door nervously, Josie kept her hand on the door handle before she breathed out and opened the door to the living room, stepping inside to see that the rooms only occupant was Florian. Smiling nervously at the musician, Josie moved towards her usual chair before sitting down and reaching for her book that was placed where she had left it. She had not felt comfortable enough recently to sit in her own living room with the others, especially since she had begun to have the dreams, but she had decided that today she was going to try. She was fed up of sitting alone in her bedroom and allowing the memories to haunt and upset her. Resting the book on her lap, Josie glanced across at Florian, noticing that he was watching her as her smile began to grow.

"It's nice to see you Josie," he commented as she began to blush, glancing down at the book while he watched her every movement. "I've missed you," he admitted, falling silent when she looked up at him in amazement before relaxing back in her chair and opening her novel, the musician continuing to watch her from his own seat. "How are you feeling today Josie?" he asked after a few moments silence, his concern making her smile as she continued to stare at the novel she was holding onto.

"I am feeling better thank you Florian," she responded as he took in the small smile on her face and the relaxed look to her. She looked much better compared to how she had looked recently and he was glad to see that improvement. He had been worried and extremely concerned for her health, the day that he had carried her into the living room when she was practically unconscious in his arms. "I know I have worried everyone, especially you, recently," she stated, shutting the novel again before she glanced up at him. "Please don't worry anymore, I'm fine," she stated as he shook his head. "Florian, I am better."

"Yes, I know but nothing will ever stop me worrying about you Josie," he declared as she fell silent, the smile disappearing from her face as he stared at her. "I care about you, nothing will ever stop that, and I will always be concerned, especially when you have been ill," he explained, not afraid to hide his opinions as she bit into her lip. Why did he have to care about her so much? "Please don't disappear Josie because I've said that," he begged, taking in her nervous actions while she glanced up at him in amazement. "Please don't run away," he whispered.

"I…" she began before falling silent and standing up. Approaching Florian, Josie slowly sat down beside before reaching across for his hand while he watched her in complete silence. "I know that I have been difficult recently," she whispered as he squeezed her hand. "Please be patient with me, I don't want to run away from you," she smiled as he looked at her, taking in the nervous expression that decorated her face. "You are such a wonderful friend to me and I don't want to lose you because I have been acting so oddly recently," she explained.

"Friend?" he asked as she shut her eyes for a second. Why was he doing this? He had promised to be there for her, in whatever form she wanted. He had told her that only two days ago.

"Florian please, I am trying my hardest," she responded as he nodded, feeling guilty for his previous question. "You need to understand, I am doing this for you," she stated as he snatched his hand away from her, shocking her as he stood up. "I am trying to protect you," she insisted while he shook his head, staring at her in amazement.

"Am I unable to make decisions for myself?" he questioned as she shook her head.

"That is not what I meant," she whispered.

"Than let me make this decision Josie," he declared as he knelt down in front of her. "You know that I love you, we have been happy together," he explained. "We made each other happy Josie. That week we had together was the happiest that we have both been in a long time," he whispered as she stood up, moving away from him as he continued to kneel on the floor in silence.

"You said you wouldn't do this," she muttered, wrapping her arms around her body as he stood up and watched her, keeping a distance between them.

"I don't want to do this, I just want you to be happy," he admitted before moving towards the door while she kept her back to him. "I'm sorry that I brought up our relationship, I will stop myself in the future," he declared as she shut her eyes, hating herself for being the one to make him say that when she knew it was the thing that he least wanted to do. She was the one pushing him away, making him unhappy in order to make life easier for them both in the future. "Please understand Josie, I will always be here for you and all I care about is that you are happy," he stated before stepping out of the living room and shutting the door behind him while Josie remained perfectly still. Why couldn't she do anything right?

_"You knew it wouldn't happen immediately Josie," Roger sighed as she lay in bed beside him, staring up at the ceiling while her hand continued to rest on her stomach. "You just lost a baby, you honestly didn't expect that you would get pregnant so soon after?" he asked, her head shaking as she shut her eyes, trying to stop herself from crying. "We'll keep trying, it will happen Josie," he whispered, leaning across to kiss her gently while she remained unresponsive. "You are young and healthy, we will have a baby eventually," he stated as she opened her eyes and looked up at him._

_"Healthy? I'm clearly not healthy enough to keep my first baby safe," she stated, turning to lie on her side, facing away from him as he shook his head. "What if it never happens Roger? What if I never have a baby?" she asked quietly, remaining perfectly still as he moved closer to her, feeling her tense when he approached her._

_"You will Josie, you just have to let yourself completely heal first," he stated, pressing a kiss into her dark hair while she remained silent. "Please stop worrying," he whispered to her, trying to comfort her but knowing that he wasn't successful because of the silence his comments were met with._

Sitting down in her chair, Josie ran her fingers through her hair before shutting her eyes, Why couldn't the memories leave her alone? The memories of how much of a failure she was was now haunting her while she was failing again in her relationship with the musician who she cared so deeply about. Resting against the back of the chair, Josie stared at the empty room in front of her before shaking her head. She always did this. She always pushed away the people she cared about, the people who she apparently loved. She didn't really have any friends except for those she had made at the store and the majority of them commented about her behind her back, her life often being the topic of gossip. She knew that Kitty was the main purpose who gossiped about her, especially for a while after her reaction to Doris' engagement.

"Josie?" a voice asked from the doorway as she turned her head to see Agnes staring at her, concern covering her face as Josie forced a small smile onto her own face. She didn't want anyone else becoming concerned about her and asking questions, she didn't want anyone talking about her life. "Is something the matter?" she questioned as Josie stared at her.

"Florian and I had a disagreement," she admitted, not surprised when Agnes entered the room and shut the door behind her.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Agnes questioned as she sat down in a nearby seat, Josie watching her before she shook her head. "It might make things easier," she whispered as Josie laughed to herself. Nothing would ever make it easier. She had pushed away the man she loved and if she told Agnes why, then she would have to explain about her previous relationship with Roger and the various memories that were currently plaguing her. "We all know that something is wrong, we have never seen you like this. You are like a ghost Josie," she admitted as Josie bit into her lip again, not surprised when she began to taste blood. "Josie stop, you're hurting yourself," she immediately commented as Josie opened her mouth to speak before falling silent again. "What did you and Florian disagree about?"

"Nothing important," Josie responded.

"It is clearly important if it has upset you like this," Agnes whispered, concerned for her friend as Josie looked across at her. "I know that you two were…" she began as shock covered Josie's face. Agnes knew about her and Florian? Agnes knew that she had been sleeping with Florian? "Have you two…?" she asked, not knowing what she was exactly asking.

"There is no Florian and I," Josie stated as the smile disappeared from Agnes' face. "I have decided that a relationship between the two of us would not be appropriate," Josie explained as Agnes stared at her. "There is no future for us, our relationship would never progress."

"Josie he loves you," Agnes suddenly blurted out.

"Agnes, please don't," Josie stated before standing up and moving towards the door. "I will not change my mind. I am doing this to protect him, he will not be happy in the future with me. He will want a future and I can not give that to him," she explained before opening the door and stepping out of the room, leaving Agnes in shock.

_"It's been nearly eight months," Josie declared, pacing up and down her bedroom while Roger sat on her bed, watching her as she ran her fingers through her hair. She was clearly distressed and upset, it was obvious but he did not understand why she was doing this to herself. "Eight months Roger," she stated as she looked across at him, knowing that he thought she was being overdramatic. He kept telling her that it would happen when her body was ready, he clearly thought she was being impatient. He didn't understand, he didn't understand her need for a baby. She wanted a family, she had now realised how much she wanted to be a mother._

_"Josie, please calm down," Roger begged as she shook her head at him, beginning to pace once again. "Josie, it will happen, you have to stop stressing about it," he declared as she glared across at him. "I know that you want to be a mother and you will be," Roger explained as she moved towards the bed and sat down beside him. "Please stop doing this to yourself every time you realise that you're not yet pregnant," he declared as she wrapped her arms around her body. "Eight times I have now watched you hate yourself," he declared._

_"Why wouldn't you hate yourself when the one thing that you are supposed to be, you fail at?" she asked as he shut his eyes and fell back against the pillows._

_"Will you please come here and sit down?" Roger questioned as he opened his eyes again and looked at her. "Josie please come and sit down," he whispered as the brunette moved towards the bed and sat down beside him, his arms wrapping around her body as she buried her face into his chest. "This will happen, please stop putting this pressure on yourself," he muttered into her hair while she remained completely silent. "You have so many things to be happy about at the moment Josie. You are extremely important at work and I like to think that you are happy with our relationship._

_"How can I be completely happy about our relationship Roger?" she asked as she looked up at him. "I'm the other woman in your life, the woman who gets one night a week of your life and is never able to walk down the street with you because we are supposed to be ashamed," Josie explained as he pressed a kiss to her forehead. "Why are we bringing a baby into this sort of relationship?" she asked quietly._

_"Because we love each other and we want a family and we will work this out," Roger declared as she shut her eyes and curled into his arms, unable to get the concept that she was a failure out of her mind._

Walking through the park on her own, Josie wrapped her arms around her figure as she continued to think. She had to get out of that house and the park was the place that she could think of going too. She hadn't really planned to walk there, she had just arrived there and was now walking through the grounds. She couldn't stay in that house when Florian was upset with her and Agnes was aware of their relationship and had now formed opinions about Josie's actions. Hearing a loud squeal, Josie felt the tears appear in her eyes as she watched a young boy run past her while his mother chased after him with a proud smile on her face. Approaching a nearby bench, Josie sat down as she watched the young mother with her son before glancing across to see two women talking with their babies in their arms, their pride covering their faces while they continued to talk. Josie could feel the tears running down her cheeks and she was embarrassed. Why could she never control her emotions? Wiping her tears away harshly, Josie breathed out before shaking her head. She had to stop doing this, she had to stop being so ridiculous. She was acting so stupidly. She had to stop behaving so immaturely and get control again. She could barely focus at work, she wasn't comfortable in her own home, she wasn't sleeping and she couldn't even walk into the park without crying. She was beginning to lose every inch of control she had once had.

_"Miss Mardle, how can I help you?" Roger asked as the brunette opened the door to his office and stepped inside, a large smile covering her face as she shut the door and quickly moved towards his desk. "Josie, I am very busy," he stated while she moved towards him and quickly leant down and kissed him. "Josie," he whispered against her lips as she continued to smile. He hadn't seen her smile like this in just over a year, since before she lost the baby. "Josie?" he asked in amazement as it finally hit him, Roger looking up at her as she nodded._

_"I'm pregnant."_

**Review please?**

**I am only just realising how depressing this actually is at times, so I'm sorry for putting you all through that.  
**


	7. Chapter 7

**I'm sorry for not updating yesterday but I was exhausted and I'd had something to drink so I didn't trust myself to actually write proper English.**

**Anyway, thank you for your reviews and I hope you continue to enjoy the chapters.**

**I am actually amazed at how long this is! It's nearly 4 am as well, I'm quite impressed with my ability to stay awake.**

_She still couldn't believe. Staring at her reflection again, Josie ran her fingers across the small bump that had formed as she stood in front of the mirror. She was doing it, she was bringing a new life into the world. Brushing her fingers across her small bump again in pride, Josie bit into her lip before glancing across at the clock. She had to get dressed and prepare herself for work but she couldn't help but cherish the moments that she could enjoy her pregnancy, rather than pretending that her baby didn't exist. She knew that she couldn't tell anyone about their baby because that would mean having to admit who the father was and having people frown upon her because she wasn't married and was about to become a mother. However, the opinions of others didn't matter to her when she was in her own home, cherishing the fact that her child was alive and continuing to grow inside her. Hearing a tap on her door, Josie turned before shock covered her face when Roger entered her bedroom with a small smile on his face._

_"What are you doing here?" she said in amazement as he approached her before kissing her gently, her smile continuing to grow against his lips when he moved slightly away._

_"I left early this morning and thought I would make you breakfast before we went to work today," Roger explained as she continued to smile at him, his hand moving to join hers on her bump. She adored their moments together, especially more than ever. They were so happy together, she cherished these moments they had together. "Now Josie, you need to get dressed for work. I shall make you tea and prepare your breakfast while you get ready," he explained, kissing her briefly before walking out of the bedroom. She couldn't believe that he was there. He had been over to her house much more often, sometimes just for fifteen minutes to bring her food or make her a cup of tea. She adored seeing him, spending those small amounts of times with him. Changing quickly, Josie watched as the material of her dress hid her bump, disappointment decorating her face as she took in the fact that she had to start pretending that she wasn't pregnant. "Josie, I have your tea," Roger called out from the kitchen as she moved towards the door and walked towards her kitchen to see Roger sat down at the table, two mugs of tea waiting there along with a bowl of porridge._

_"Thank you for this darling," Josie smiled, sitting down at the table before she rested one hand on her stomach and took hold of her spoon while Roger smiled at her. Eating her breakfast in silence, Josie continued to look up to see Roger watching her in complete silence. "Our baby is growing," Josie commented, her fingers remaining on the perfectly formed bump that was hidden by her dress while he nodded at her, knowing that she was relieved that she had managed to keep their child safe so far. She had a bump now, a sign that their child was alive and he knew that she was relieved._

_"Josie, you look so wonderful," he responded, taking in the large smile that continued to decorate her face. "Simply radiant Josie," he whispered, holding his hand out across the table as she moved her hand away from her bump before taking hold of his hand. "I love you," he smiled, bringing her hand to his lips before kissing her knuckles gently. "Now eat your breakfast Miss Mardle, we'll be late for work," Roger smiled as she laughed and quickly began to eat her breakfast again, still holding onto his hand as he watched her in a comfortable silence._

"It'll be cold now," Agnes' voice stated as Josie snapped out of her thoughts and glanced down at the cup of tea she had been holding, noticing that the cup was now cold. "Would you like me to make you another cup?" the younger woman asked quietly as Josie shook her head, putting the full cup of cold tea down on the kitchen side before resting her hands on the side, supporting herself as she breathed out. "Is everything alright?" Agnes asked quietly as she approached Josie, resting her hand on Josie's shoulder as the older woman shut her eyes and remained silent. "Josie," Agnes whispered.

"Just thinking," Josie shrugged as she turned to face her friend, forcing a smile onto her face as Agnes nodded slowly, even though she did not believe Josie. "How are the wedding plans?" she asked quietly, trying to change the topic of conversation as Agnes sighed. "Not going well?" she questioned as Agnes moved away to start preparing a cup of tea. "Agnes what's going on?" Josie questioned as Agnes turned to face her.

"Victor wants to get married soon, while George is home, and the plans aren't going too well and while I can't wait to be married to him and start this new career opportunity, part of me still can't imagine leaving the shop. I have worked so hard for this job and I love it but I also want to marry Victor," she admitted as Josie walked towards her before smiling at her.

"You need to do what will make you happy," Josie stated as Agnes stared at her. "It may seem like your decision is the wrong one but you need to do what will make you happy in the long run. It is your life, the times are changing, you have a bright future ahead of you Agnes, in whatever you choose to do," she explained as Agnes nodded slowly, taking in the small smile that covered Josie's pale and exhausted face.

"You've not been sleeping," Agnes blurted out as the smile disappeared. "Now that we've discussed my issues, perhaps we could discuss what has been upsetting you?" Agnes suggested as Josie laughed nervously at the younger woman. "Josie, you have barely left your room in weeks now. You are hardly sleeping, you clearly aren't sleeping well and your mind has been all over the place at work," she listed, knowing that she needed to show Josie how odd her recent behaviour had been. "Please talk to someone, I'm here, Florian is here," she stated as she shook her head. "Josie please, please just talk to someone about what is going on."

"Nothing is going on Agnes, please stop worrying about me," Josie begged as Agnes shook her head again, this time determined not to give in. "You need to think about your own priorities rather than about me," she explained, knowing that she wasn't important. Agnes had a future to plan, a life ahead of her. She didn't need to know about the problems of Josie's plan, especially since she had no real future. She would never be the one planning a wedding, thinking of the family she may one day have. She would continue to work in the shop for as long as she physically could and then one day die alone, with no family.

"You're my friend Josie, you're practically family," Agnes insisted as Josie stared at her in shock. "Please stop this suffering in silence, you have friends who wish to help you, who want to listen to what's upsetting you," she begged as Josie ran her hand across her face, not knowing how to respond. Part of her desperately wanted to tell someone what was going on in her mind, wanted to explain everything that was haunting her to see whether it would make the nightmares go away and allow her a moment of peace but she knew she couldn't. She couldn't burden someone else with her problems. She had dealt with this for years now, she didn't need someone elses help.

"I need to get ready for work," Josie said quietly, moving towards the door while Agnes watched her in silence. She wasn't surprised that Josie was running away again, trying to avoid having to talk through the various problems that were upsetting her. "I have taken on some extra shifts," she admitted.

"Josie, you are exhausted, you need to sleep," Agnes responded, knowing that Josie was trying to ignore what was scaring her by working extra hours, trying to occupy every moment of her day. Hearing footsteps approaching the kitchen, Josie and Agnes both fell silent before Florian appeared in the doorway.

"Is everything alright?" Florian asked as Josie nodded and walked out of the room while Florian looked across at Agnes. "Is she still refusing to talk about what's going on?" he questioned as Agnes nodded, the Belgian sighing as he shut the kitchen door and moved towards the young woman. "I'm worried," he admitted.

"I know," Agnes said quietly. "Florian, please can you try and get her out of the house? A walk? A show? Something that will stop distract her from whatever is upsetting her but also something that isn't work?" Agnes begged, hating how desperate she sounded as Florian nodded slowly. He wanted to help Josie as much, if not more, as Agnes did. He loved her, he wanted to see her smile again. "She's working this afternoon, maybe you could meet her after work? Just distract her. I know that she's been pushing you away, has been hiding away but she does care about you Florian and she needs you," Agnes explained as Florian nodded again, knowing that he would do any suggestions if it meant that it might one day make Josie smile and laugh again.

"I'll meet her after work but she will probably not want to go anywhere with me Agnes, she isn't comfortable around me."

_Entering Josie's house, Roger sighed as he removed his hat and coat before hanging them up as usual. He knew Josie thought he wasn't coming over as he had not met her after work but he had had to collect some things and therefore had returned to hers later. Approaching her bedroom in silence, he slowly pushed the door open before smiling to see Josie lying on her bed fast asleep, one hand resting on her bump while she remained peacefully still. Sitting on the bed in silence before resting her present on the bedside table, Roger quickly kicked off his shoes before lying down beside her and brushing his fingers across her cheek while she moaned and began to move._

_"Josie," he whispered as she slowly opened her eyes and stared at him, a small smile appearing on her face as he leant down and kissed her. "I have a present for you," he admitted as she slowly sat up, her hand remaining on the bump as he reached across for the perfectly wrapped box. Passing it to her, Roger watched as she slowly undid the ribbon before removing the lid, a large smile covering her face as she looked across at him. "I know you've been craving them," he smiled as he pressed a kiss into her hair. "Violet creams from that shop you always look at," he whispered as she bit into her lip, amazed that he'd remembered. The chocolate shop had only opened recently but even though she walked past it most days, she had yet to go in and purchase something._

_"You remembered," she said in amazement as he nodded._

_"Of course," Roger smiled before he lifted one of the chocolates out of the box before holding it towards her. "Now, you have to tell me whether they're decent enough to satisfy our baby's cravings," he stated as she laughed and took a bite out of the chocolate before moaning, a large smile covering her face when she finished the mouthful._

_"These may be my favourite violet creams ever," Josie stated as he nodded, feeding her the other half of the chocolate before she relaxed against him._

_"Then I shall make sure that your cravings are always satisfied," he whispered while she rested her head against his chest, his arm wrapping around her body as she shut her eyes._

_"Thank you Roger, you didn't need to buy these for me," she admitted as he moved them so they were now lying down on their bed._

_"Of course I did. You're pregnant, you wanted them and I am going to try and give you everything you want," he explained as she shook her head at him before leaning up and kissing him gently._

_"You are spoiling me Roger," she laughed against his lips as he moved his hand to rest on her abdomen. "I love you Roger Grove," she stated, the laughter disappearing from her voice as she brushed her fingers across his cheek. "I really do love you," she smiled as he nodded._

_"I love you too Josie Mardle," he whispered as she smiled before cuddling into his side and letting her eyes shut._

She was exhausted. Yawning once again as she began to button up her coat, Josie slowly moved towards the exit. She wanted sleep but she knew it would be impossible. She had barely managed to work without thinking about her relationship with Roger and her baby. All she wanted was a moment's peace, a chance to sleep and relax without having to remember everything that had gone wrong in her life.

"Josie," a voice called out as she stepped outside of the shop, Josie turning to see Florian standing in front of her.

"What are you doing here?" Josie asked in shock as he approached her. "Is it important? Couldn't it wait until we were at home?" she questioned as he stared at her.

"I never see you at home," he said honestly as she fell silent, knowing that he was right. She wouldn't have seen him if she'd gone straight home. "I just wanted to see you, talk to you. I thought maybe we could go for a walk together," he admitted as she bit into her lip, not knowing how to respond.

"Florian," she whispered.

"Josie, I'm not going to lie to you, Agnes and I are worried. We thought that, if I came to the shop and waited for you, maybe you would like to go for a walk somewhere. We don't have to talk about what's going on, we just thought you'd like the distraction rather than hiding in your room all day," he explained, Josie smiling at him briefly for his honesty. She liked that he didn't lie to her, that he would tell her exactly what was going on. He was honest with her and that's all she wanted, she wanted people to be honest with her. "Look, you can walk home and we can forget this happened and you can hide in your room and be sad or we could go for a walk together and try and enjoy yourself for a little while."

"Promise you won't try and make me talk about what's going on Florian, that's all I ever get asked," she begged as he nodded, holding his arm out towards her as she stood still, her nerves obvious. Stepping towards him, Josie slowly allowed herself to wrap an arm around his before they began to walk towards the nearest park in silence. "How is the factory?" she asked him quietly as he looked at her, taking in how she was looking everywhere but at him.

"Busy but I feel like I am helping," he admitted as she nodded slowly. "I have been offered another performance," he explained as a smile appeared on her face while she turned to look at him.

"Florian that's wonderful," she stated as he smiled, happier about seeing her smile rather than the offer they were discussing. "I am so glad that you still have the opportunity to perform," Josie smiled as she tightened the grip of his arm.

"It's in a couple of days, you should come," Florian admitted as she stared at him, her smile disappearing as she shook her head. "Please Josie," he whispered, stopping as she glanced down at her feet. "Come to the event, as my friend. Come and listen to some music and enjoy yourself for one night, you enjoy music," he begged as she looked up at him, taking in how desperate he looked. "I like it when you're there."

"Florian, I am not exactly good company," she said quietly.

"That doesn't matter to me," he declared as she remained silent. "We could be silent and I wouldn't care Josie as long as there was the occasional smile on your face and you were happy," Florian stated as she shut her eyes. "I just want you to be happy, even if it only lasts a couple of hours. I hate seeing you so sad," he whispered.

"Please stop," she begged, opening her eyes to look at him. "You promised me Florian."

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to overstep," he said quietly as she nodded. "Would you like to carry on walking or would you like to go home now?" he asked as she stared at him.

"Let's carry on, please Florian. I don't want to go home yet," she whispered to him as he nodded. She wasn't ready to go home yet, even though she was upset, she was still enjoying his company and not being in her room.

"Do you think we could start spending some time together again?" he asked quietly.

"How do you mean?" Josie whispered as he shrugged, leading her through the park while she fell silent again.

"Just sitting together like we used too, both of us just reading or talking about our day. I could play occasionally, you could listen and provide your opinion. We could have dinner together again, we could go for walks," he suggested as she smiled weakly.

"I'm not good company," she responded as he shook his head.

"You are wonderful company Josie," he declared. "I love spending time with you and I like to think that you enjoy my company too," he whispered as she nodded, the two of them approaching the other end of the park. "We should start heading home, it's getting cold," he commented, feeling her tense beside him as she clung onto his arm, his concern growing as he glanced across at her. "Would you like to sit down for a little while Josie?" Florian asked, trying to keep her calm as she nodded and removed her arm from his before moving towards the nearby bench. Sitting down beside her, Florian watched her in silence as she looked across at the park, her hand covering her mouth as she started to think. "I wish you would let me understand what has upset you."

"There's nothing to understand Florian," she whispered. "Why are you still here Florian?" she asked.

"You know why I'm here," he said quietly as she stared at him. "My feelings for you haven't changed, they never will," he whispered as she blushed.

"We can't… we will never have a relationship," Josie stated as he remained silent. "It is wrong Florian."

"Why is it wrong?" he asked quietly, knowing that he shouldn't be having this argument with her right now. She was upset and he didn't want her to get even more distressed, he was supposed to be comforting her, making her happy again.

"We have no future, I am too old," she declared before standing up. "I would like to go home now," Josie stated before walking away, Florian watching her for a moment before he stood up and moved to catch up with her. "I have your best interests at heart Florian, you have to understand that," she suddenly declared as he, this time, remained silent. "I am doing this for you, one day you will thank me," she stated, knowing that she was trying to convince herself as much as him.

**Random question, are you finding these chapters repetitive at all because I worry that they're all too similar? Are they becoming dull?**

**Please review, I do love hearing from you.  
**


	8. Chapter 8

**Thank you for you reviews, I do love them and I hope you continue to enjoy, if that is the correct way of phrasing it.**

**A shorter chapter than yesterday's but hopefully it's still enjoyable.**

"Josie," Florian demanded as he knocked on her door, clearly frustrated as she sat on her bed and shut her eyes. Although the last two weeks had been less awkward between them, she still knew that he was waiting for her to change her mind and allow him back into her life. He wasn't moving on like she had expected, he was just waiting patiently for her to realise that she had made a mistake and wanted him back. He didn't understand that she was pushing him away, trying to make him move on for his own good. He needed to find someone else, someone who could provide him with the family he would one day desire. "Josie we need to talk about this," Florian demanded again, his fist hitting against the wood once more as she bit nervously into her lip. She had known that he wouldn't be happy when he found the letter in the morning, which she had slid underneath his door while he had been asleep that night. "You can't do this Josie," he stated as she stood up and moved towards the door, her hand hovering over the handle before she unlocked the door and opened it to see him staring at her. "What is this?" he asked as he held out the letter towards him.

"I've heard you playing recently and you sound so wonderful, you can't spend your time in a factory Florian," she stated as he continued to shake his head again. Why was she doing this? "I wrote to them and they want to hear you perform, they would love to have you Florian," she explained, desperately trying to persuade him as he remained silent. "It is a real orchestra, you could finally make a name for yourself as the musician you want to be."

"In Manchester," he stated as she bit into her lip. "Is this your way of telling me to leave?" he asked as she stared up at him. "Do you not want me here anymore Josie?" he asked quickly as she wrapped her arms around her body.

"I just want you to have your chance to be who you want to be," she whispered, glancing down at her feet as he shook his head.

"Look me in the eyes Josie and tell me to leave," he stated quickly, shocking her with how authoritative he suddenly sounded. "Tell me that you do not want me in your home anymore, that you want me to leave your life and London and go to Manchester and I will," he explained as she shut her eyes for a moment. "I'll go to Manchester and you'll never see me again Josie, if that's what you want and if that will make you happy," he continued as she slowly opened her eyes and glanced up at him, breathing out as she tried to calm herself.

"I would like you to go to Manchester and audition for the orchestra Florian. You need to do this," Josie announced, forcing herself to keep her eyes on him as she watched the horror that covered his face.

"You don't mean that," he whispered, shaking his head as she tried not to cry. "I love you and you love…"

"Florian stop," she warned, silencing him as he stepped closer to her. "I have nothing to offer you. Please go to Manchester and forget about me, find someone who you can have a future with," she begged as he remained perfectly silent. She wanted him to walk out of her life and never come back again.

"I guess this is goodbye then," Florian whispered as he stepped away from her. He had promised to leave if she had said that that was what she wanted him to do and he wasn't going to do anything to make her even more upset. Staring at her in silence for a moment as Josie continued to keep her arms wrapped around her body before he approached the stairs and disappeared from sight. Slamming the door shut, Josie burst into tears as she covered her mouth with her hand, trying to cover the sound of her sobs. She had sent him away, she had sent the man she loved away.

"There's no future with him, I'm doing what's best for him, he has no life with me," she hissed to herself as she moved to lie on her bed, her hand resting on her abdomen as she shut her eyes. She knew that he was going to leave her one day so she had decided to take control of the situation and give him the opportunity to do what he wanted to do with his life with a fantastic orchestra where he could really thrive. "Oh god," she sobbed, realising that she would never see Florian again. She was never going to see him smile, she would never have another conversation with him or hear him play. She was once again alone, like she deserved to be.

_Passing the box of newly purchased gloves to the customer, Josie smiled at the other woman before she gasped in shock at the feeling that had suddenly run through her abdomen. Forcing a smile onto her face once more, Josie watched the woman she had been serving disappear further into the ship before she moved away from the stand and glanced across before resting her hand on her stomach. Had she really felt that? Had she really felt her baby kick just then? Although she could not feel the movement through the material of her dress, Josie felt another kick before she laughed to herself. Her baby was really there, her baby was alive and kicking her. She couldn't explain the feeling but it was a relief to feel her baby move. Excusing herself to her supervisor, Josie quickly moved towards the stairs before walking up them and approaching Roger's office. She knew that she wasn't supposed to visit him at work but she couldn't wait until after work to tell him. Knocking on the door, Josie smiled as she waited for his response._

_"Come in," Roger called out before she opened the door and walked in, the largest smile covering her face as he looked at her. "Miss Mardle, how can I help you?" he asked from behind his desk as she continued to beam. "Why are you so happy?" he laughed as she moved towards him before leaning down and kissing him gently. "Josie," he warned, Josie not caring about whether anyone saw as she beamed against his lips._

_"I felt the baby move," she whispered as shock covered his face. "The baby kicked."_

_"Really?" he asked as she nodded again, Roger's head shaking before he smiled at her in amazement. "Our baby kicked you," he whispered, pride covering his face as he leant across and kissed her again while she gasped again. "Did you feel...?" he asked again as she nodded. "Why must you wear so many layers?" he moaned, knowing that it would be impossible for him to feel the baby through her various layers of clothing._

_"Come over tonight, you can feel then," she suggested as he shut his eyes, knowing that it wasn't their Tuesday evening and he would be expected at home. "A couple of hours, say that you had to work late, just come to mine and hopefully feel our baby kick," she whispered as he nodded slowly. "You could be home before dinner Roger, I don't want you to miss this."_

_"A couple of hours Josie," Roger responded as she nodded before kissing him again, smiling against his lips before she stepped away. "Now Miss Mardle, you should return to accessories," he smiled as she laughed, unable to remove the grin from her face before she walked towards the door and stepped out of the office, resting her hands on her stomach as she walked down the stairs. She was fortunate that her clothing covered the bump but she was proud of her baby, if anyone ever did find out she wouldn't stop being proud about her child._

"Miss Mardle, I would like a word in private," Agnes declared, her determination obvious as she walked up to accessories, Josie glancing up at her before nodding. Following the younger woman into the empty staff room, Josie wrapped her arms around her body as Agnes stared at her. "Florian arrived at Victor's when I was there this morning," she stated as Josie bit into her lip, knowing that Agnes wasn't impressed with her. "You arranged for him to go to Manchester?" Agnes questioned as Josie remained silent. "He told me that you told him to go to Manchester and he has agreed never to see you again," she responded.

"I…" Josie began before falling silent.

"He is getting a train tomorrow to Manchester, he is staying at Victor's tonight," Agnes explained as Josie bit into her lip. "Stop him Josie," Agnes begged as Josie shook her head. "He loves you and you love him, stop him from going. You are both miserable, you have been since you pushed him away from him and now he is planning on leaving forever," she explained as she moved towards Josie and stared at her. "Go to Victor's and tell him that you don't want him to leave."

"Agnes, he needs to go to Manchester and forget about me," Josie stated as Agnes shook her head. What was this woman talking about?

"He loves you, why on earth would you want him to forget about you Josie? Why would you ask him to leave London? Especially when he makes you so happy," Agnes questioned as Josie turned away from her, brushing the stray tears from her face.

"There is no future for us, a relationship with me has nothing to offer him. Manchester is the best place for Florian to be, he has a future there," Josie stated, breathing out once more to calm herself before walking out of the staff room, leaving Agnes in shock. She really didn't understand Josie sometimes, especially when she had forced the man who loved her out of her life.

_"That's amazing," Roger laughed as he kept his hand on Josie's abdomen, the brunette smiling as she moved her own hand to join Roger's. "Wow," he whispered again. It was bizarre, feeling their child kick from within inside her. He had never felt something like it before and he couldn't get used to the feeling. He couldn't imagine how it felt for Josie but seeing the large smile that was on her face made him even happier. Although she had known that she was pregnant, he knew that she had needed to feel their baby move in order to truly believe that their child was okay. The bump, the symptoms were never going to be enough until she had felt their baby move. "Our baby is definitely a kicker," Roger said proudly as Josie nodded, unable to stop herself for laughing at every kick._

_"Our baby is definitely strong," Josie said quietly, unable to remove her the smile from her face. Her baby was alive and kicking her, a lot. "Roger our baby is actually kicking," she laughed as he nodded, watching her in amazement. "We're going to have a baby, an actual tiny baby Roger," she muttered, turning her head slightly before he kissed her again, their smiles growing when she relaxed against back against his chest. "You're going to be a father."_

_"And you, Josie Mardle, are going to be the most wonderful mother," he responded as she glanced down at her bump._

_She couldn't wait to be a mother._

**Review please. This isn't my favourite chapter, I especially dislike the present day aspects but oh well.**

**Tell me your opinions, your criticism, any thoughts you have for any future chapters. Just let me know that you're enjoying the story or even if you hate it.**

**The next chapter is where the plot really does start to move on, especially in the present day because I know that some people believe it to be moving slowly, even I know that the plot in that area is going rather slowly and is the most dull aspect of the story. **


	9. Chapter 9

**Pre Warning this is a miserable chapter and the next couple will be, please don't hate me for it.**

**Also I was wondering whether people wanted me to carry this on or not, I know it is very depressing and if people aren't enjoying it then I won't continue.**

**Thank you for the wonderful reviews, however, they really are fantastic.**

_"No, no, no," Josie sobbed as she sat up in her bed, clinging onto her bed sheets as she breathed out, feeling the sharp pain in her abdomen. Her neighbour, who was both aware of her relationship with Roger and their baby, had heard her screaming out in pain moments ago and come around, Josie sending her to collect her midwife before she had found herself on her bed in agony. She knew something was wrong. It was too early for her baby to be arriving, she knew she wasn't due yet. "Oh god, please stop, please don't," Josie sobbed, resting back against her pillows as she stared up at the ceiling, her hands resting on her bump as she shook her head. She couldn't lose this baby too. Everything had been perfect. She was going to be a mother. Her baby was healthy, she had felt her baby kick only weeks ago and she had a bump. This baby was supposed to be okay, her baby had to be okay. "Please, please be alright," Josie whispered, glancing down her abdomen as she felt the tears run down her cheeks. "Please don't leave me, please don't do this," Josie begged as she heard her front door open before her midwife walked into the room, relief covering Josie's face as the older woman walked towards her._

Sitting on the end of her bed in silence, Josie ran her fingers through her hair before breathing out, tears running down her cheeks. Moving one hand to her abdomen, Josie shut her eyes as she rested her hand there before sobbing loudly. Standing up briefly, Josie felt her body give up before she collapsed onto the floor in tears. She didn't want to think. She wanted it to stop. She wanted everything to stop. Her whole world had fallen apart. She had lost her control, her sanity and the man she loved. Florian was gone, he was now gone forever like she had asked him too. Like he believed she wanted. He was no longer in London but instead in Manchester believing that she didn't love him. Hearing her door open, Josie continued to stare at the floorboards as she heard one near the door creak before Agnes sat on the floor beside her, concern covering her exhausted face.

"Josie," Agnes whispered as Josie remained silent, still staring at the floor before she felt Agnes' arm wrap around her and pull her close. "Whatever it is that is upsetting you, it will be alright," Agnes whispered as she continued to hold Josie close, trying desperately to support her as the older woman sobbed. "Would you like some tea Josie? Something to eat?" Agnes asked, knowing that Josie had barely touched anything since she had sent Florian away. "Why don't we go downstairs for a while? It's cold up here and you're shaking," Agnes smiled, trying to take control of the situation as Josie remained silent. Standing, Agnes slowly helped Josie off of the floor, keeping her arm around the older woman as she supported her out of the room and down the stairs. Entering the living room, Agnes slowly led Josie towards the sofa before Josie sat down on the floor. "Relax, I'll make you some tea," Agnes whispered as Josie remained silent, the young woman watching her. She had never seen someone act like this. Josie seemed like a ghost, she seemed so far away. Moving towards the door slowly, Agnes turned again to find Josie still sitting in silence with tears running down her cheeks. Agnes was now very worried for the older woman.

_"Mr Grove, you have a visitor," one of the shop workers stated as she stood in the doorway to his office, Roger looking up from his work before he nodded and the woman disappeared from his sight. Watching in silence as Josie's neighbour stepped into the office with a worried expression on her face, Roger felt the concern cover his face as he stood up and watched the older woman shut the door behind her._

_"What's wrong with Josie?" he asked quietly, knowing that the woman wouldn't visit unless something had happened. "What's happened?"_

_"She's gone into labour," the older woman stated as Roger immediately moved towards the pegs and grabbed his coat and hat, pulling the coat on as he began to panic. It was too early, the baby was arriving too early. "I will find my own way home, you need to go now sir," she stated as Roger nodded slowly, quickly moving down the corridor towards the stairs. Running down them quickly, Roger couldn't help but think about everything that could possible be wrong with Josie and their baby. She had seemed healthy the day before, when they had been having tea together and thinking about names. She had been excited, they had been both excited about their baby. Josie was finally beginning to stop being scared of her pregnancy, she was beginning to enjoy everything rather than having the doubts._

_"Mr Grove," a voice snapped as Roger turned when he reached the exit, seeing his boss staring at him. "Where do you think you are going? Your lunch break does not start for another hour," the man asked as Roger tried to calm down. He needed to try and get to Josie without losing his job._

_"A family emergency," Roger said nervously, concerned that he would be forced to stay._

_"Your wife?" the older man asked quietly as Roger nodded. "Go, I hope that it is not too serious," he finally responded, his compassion obvious as Roger thanked him and quickly walked out of the shop. He really needed to stop using his wife as an excuse for everything. Darting through the crowd of people, Roger continued to think about the woman he loved and their child. Would they both be alright? Would they be safe? Healthy? You heard stories all the time about mother and babies who didn't make through labour, let alone early labour._

"Are you cold Josie?" Agnes asked quietly as she rested the two cups of tea on the nearby table while Josie remained silent, her body obviously shaking as the younger woman found a nearby blanket and wrapped it around the older woman before sitting beside her. "Josie, I think we should get a doctor to come and visit,"she whispered as she watched the tears run down Josie's cheeks. "He may be able to give you something to help you sleep Josie," she suggested, forcing a smile onto her face as Josie looked at her, the tears blurring her vision as she rested against the back of the furniture. "I made you tea, will you have some?"

"You should be in bed, it's late," Josie said quietly as Agnes shook her head. "Please, I'm fine. Please go to bed Agnes," she stated, knowing that Agnes was awake because she was worried about her.

"Please stop lying to me," Agnes begged as Josie fell silent again. "I know there is something wrong Josie. You were on the floor of your bedroom in tears, you barely noticed that we moved downstairs, you can't stop shaking. You've barely said a word to anyone all week and your work is beginning to suffer, we are all starting to notice that something isn't right with you," Agnes explained as Josie bit into her lip, tasting blood as Agnes reached across for her hand. "Please, let me help you. You have helped me so much over the last few months, let me return the favour," Agnes said quietly as Josie shook her head.

"I don't need help, I'm fine," Josie responded. Why did everyone want to help her? No one could help her. She didn't need anyone's help. No one would ever understand what was happening to her, she didn't even understand what was happening.

"Tomorrow, I am going to ask a doctor to visit you," Agnes said quietly as Josie shook her head at the suggestion. "You need to sleep and they may be able to give you some tablets to help. Getting some sleep may help you feel better Josie," she explained.

"I do not need a doctor, I don't need anything," Josie insisted as Agnes stared at her. "Honestly Agnes, nothing is the matter with me."

"Then have some tea and I will make you some toast," Agnes suggested as Josie shook her head.

"I'm not hungry," Josie said quietly before shutting her eyes, pulling the blanket around her as Agnes watched her. She was getting a doctor to visit Josie, whether the older woman wanted her too or not.

_Entering the house to the sound of Josie screaming, Roger quickly removed his coat and hat before shutting the front door. Hearing the screams get louder, Roger turned around to see a woman walking out of Josie's bedroom with a nervous smile on her face. She was clearly Josie's midwife, a woman that Josie had told him all about. Josie enjoyed having someone to talk too about the baby and the older woman, apparently, was never judgmental about the situation Josie was in as an unmarried mother. Roger liked that Josie had someone to talk too about the baby, someone who had also comforted her when Josie had admitted her concerns about her worries who had knowledge about pregnancy. _

_"How are they?" Roger asked quietly, crossing his arms as the woman slowly approached him. "It's too soon, the baby is coming too soon, will they both be okay?" he questioned, hearing another scream from Josie's bedroom as shock covered Roger's face. She sounded like she was in so much pain, she she sounded terrified and he just wanted to help her. "How's Josie? And the baby? Is everything going alright? Will they both be okay?" he questioned, his concern obvious as the midwife remained silent for a moment longer._

_"She's…" the midwife began before falling silent when her name was called out, confusion covering Roger's face at the male voice._

_"Who is that?" Roger questioned, glancing at the doorway as the midwife smiled weakly, trying to keep him calm. _

_"He's a doctor, I asked him to come as I was concerned about Josie," she said briefly, noticing the growing concern on Roger's face. "I will tell you more when I can Roger but I have to go and helped Josie now," she stated before disappearing inside Josie's bedroom, shutting the door behind her while Roger started to pace as he waited for some news. Something had to have happened. Josie was no longer screaming, there was no noise in the house. It was just deadly silent, too silent for his liking._

_"Josie," the male voice suddenly called out, Roger immediately staring at the door. "Josie I need you to wake up, Josie. Josie, open your eyes for me please," the man declared, Roger quickly moving towards the door before he pushed it open and felt himself gag at the sight in front of him._

_"Mr Grove you shouldn't be in here," the midwife responded from where she was, Roger not hearing as he continued to stare at Josie. "Mr Grove please," the woman begged as he stood in the doorway in shock. She looked so pale, lying across her bed with her eyes shut, her hair covering the pillows while sweat decorated her face. She was barely breathing and there was blood staining the sheets and white nightgown she was wearing. It was like something out of a nightmare. His beautiful Josie, pale and covered in blood while he couldn't do anything to help her._

_"Josie," he whispered in shock as the doctor turned to face him, clearly stressed and angry at the man's invasion into the room._

_"Mr Grove I need you to leave now," he ordered as Roger continued to stare at Josie. This couldn't be happening. She had been perfectly fine the previous evening. She had been happy and laughing and living her life. Josie had been practically glowing, she had not been this pale, small woman who was currently in front of him._

_"The baby," Roger suddenly blurted out before he looked across at the midwife, noticing the bundle that was wrapped in a blanket, perfectly still and deadly silent. "Oh god, please no, please don't tell me," Roger whispered, his hand immediately resting on a nearby table for support as the midwife walked towards him._

_"I'm sorry Mr Grove," the older woman said quietly as Roger began to shake his head, his eyes returning to Josie for a brief moment. He was going to be sick, he was actually going to be sick. "We have to stop the bleeding," she explained as he nodded, unable to think. His baby was dead, Josie was currently bleeding to death in front of him. Covering his mouth with his hand for a moment, Roger remained silent before shaking his head again. This had to be a nightmare, this couldn't be real._

_"I need to leave," Roger blurted out as he stepped out of the room, his shaking fingers moving through his hair as the midwife stared at him in shock. "I'm sorry, I have to go, I can't stay here," he declared before quickly moving towards the front door, grabbing his coat before he ran out of the house, fully aware that he was a coward._

**And time for everyone to hate Roger Grove because he's an arse and this is a really horrible place to leave the chapter, Jess will probably kill me actually when she's read this...**

**Review please, it really does mean the world to me and reviews make me want to write.**

**Back soon, probably tomorrow because we know what I'm like and now that uni's done for the term I have nothing to do.  
**


	10. Chapter 10

**Pre Warning, this is probably the most depressing thing I've ever written, which is saying something as I do write some full on miserable stuff. However, there is a light at the end of the tunnel and once the next two chapters are done the story will begin to be happier again and there will be the return of our favourite man on the planet.**

**Thank you for your reviews, I know it's a difficult topic and I actually have no idea why I decided to write this as it's so depressing but oh well, I started and I shall finish. I am planning, maybe, on writing another DuMardle story after this which will be full on happy romance loveliness if anyone would be interested. I promise no more misery in that one…**

**Anyway on with the story and I did warn you, so if you really really really hate miserable chapters, this probably isn't the chapter or story for you. It's also another just flashback chapter and is shorter than the other chapters but yeah, you will all hate me.**

_Hearing a small groan, the midwife turned to see Josie slowly moving in the bed, clearly in pain. Approaching in the bed in silence, the older woman watched as Josie slowly opened her eyes and glanced up at her, tears in her eyes as the midwife sat down beside her on the bed and took hold of her hand. Josie was clearly in pain and upset, she was also very pale but she wasn't surprised by Josie's appearance. She had been through a long and painful labour and she had lost a lot of blood. They had nearly lost her but the young woman was clearly strong and determined to stay alive and here she was, conscious again._

_"How are you feeling Josie?" the midwife asked quietly as Josie groaned again, shutting her eyes once more in exhaustion as her fingers tightened around the sheet. "I know it hurts," the woman said quietly as Josie moaned, opening her eyes again as she stared at the only other person in the room. "Josie, do you remember what happened?" she asked quietly, already knowing that Josie wouldn't remember anything. She had been unconscious and nearly dead before they had been able to tell her about the baby and now she had the horrible job of telling this young woman that her baby was a stillborn. "Josie, you bled a lot after the birth. We very nearly lost you," she said quietly as Josie remained silent, staring at her before panic began to appear on her face and her hands darted to her abdomen._

_"The baby," Josie whispered as the midwife began to shake her head, watching as Josie remained perfectly silent. There weren't any tears, she was just deadly silent and pale, and that unnerved her more than if she had been hysterical. "Can I see my baby?" she asked quietly, lying still on the bed as the midwife stared at her, clearly concerned about the idea as Josie watched her. "Please, just for a moment," Josie begged, knowing how pitiful she sounded as the older woman stood up and disappeared from her line of sight for a moment. Resting her hands on the mattress, Josie slowly forced herself to sit up, groaning at the movement as she watched the midwife carry over what seemed like a small bundle towards her._

_"I don't think this is a good idea Josie," she stated as Josie found herself staring at the blanket. Was her baby really wrapped inside it? "Josie," she whispered, falling silent again when the young woman held her arms out, desperate to hold her child for a couple of minutes. "Josie I really don't think this a good idea," she explained as Josie continued to hold her arms out, exhausted already at the action. She wasn't going to give up. She was going to hold her baby, whether it was a good idea or not. She was not going to let them take away her baby without her ever seeing the child that she had made._

_"Please," Josie whispered, watching as the midwife sighed and slowly passed the baby to Josie. Wrapping her arms around the bundle, Josie continued to stare at the other woman for a moment, not yet ready to look down at her child. "Can I have a moment alone?" she asked quietly, immediately noticing the frown that appeared on the other woman's face at the idea. "Two minutes, please," Josie said quietly. She was exhausted, in pain and she was still prepared to fight for some time alone with her baby. She was not going to let them take her child away without her knowing what her baby looked like._

_"Two minutes," she repeated before walking out of the room, not completely shutting the door when she left. Glancing slowly down at the blanket that basically covered the child, Josie bit into her lip before she slowly moved the blanket away with her fingers, shock covering her face when she found herself looking at the small baby in her arms. Brushing her fingers across the child's cheek, Josie slowly leant down before pressing a kiss to her child's forehead, finally feeling the tears run down her cheeks._

_"I'm sorry," Josie whispered, her voice almost silent as she moved away, cradling the baby close to her. "I should have been stronger, I should have been stronger for you," she muttered, shaking her head. Why couldn't she have protected this tiny little person? This was her child, her baby and she should have been able to keep him safe, to bring him into the world a healthy human being instead of the lifeless body she currently held in her arms. "I'm sorry that I wasn't strong enough," Josie sobbed as she took in the small child. Her son. She had a son. "My little boy," she whispered, taking in his dark curls, the same as her dark hair, and his tiny fingers and toes. He was so perfect and that made it worse. He should be breathing, it seemed so simple that he should be screaming her arms. She should have been crying in happiness, holding her newborn son and celebrating. It was like a nightmare, the worst nightmare imaginable. "I love you, I'll always love you," Josie finally whispered, now unable to stop the tears that were running down her cheeks as she kept him close. Hearing the door creak open, Josie looked up to see the midwife standing in the doorway, watching her in silence. "He's so perfect," Josie commented as the older woman nodded and moved to sit on the edge of the bed, not trying to take the child away from the other woman yet. "Where's Roger?" Josie asked quietly, still looking at her son as the midwife tried to think of how to explain to the other woman that the man had basically run off at the first sign of trouble, without even trying to contact them to know about Josie. "Where is he? Does he not know?" Josie questioned, suddenly panicking that Roger was unaware of what happened and would come round at some point, wondering why she had not gone to work._

_"Josie, Roger does know," she said simply as the younger woman looked at her. "He was here when you were in labour," she explained, Josie remaining silent as she listened. "He left," she said simply, not knowing how else to tell the other woman as Josie slowly nodded and looked down at her son again, tears silently running down her cheek still. "I need to take him now Josie," she admitted as Josie shook her head, not yet ready to say goodbye to her baby._

_"I should have been stronger," Josie sobbed as the older woman shook her head. "I'm supposed to be a mother, I'm supposed to be able to bring children into the world," she whispered. "I've failed twice now to do what my body was made for," Josie cried, shaking her head as the other woman remained silent. "He's so perfect and tiny, I should have been able to keep him safe. He should be alive right now," she continued to stated, her fingers brushing against his cheeks. "I've disappointed everyone."_

_"No you haven't. There was nothing you could have done Josie," the midwife insisted as Josie shook her head. "Your baby died a couple of days ago Josie," she said quietly, knowing that it wasn't exactly comforting for the other woman. "You couldn't have known, no one could have known," she whispered, wiping away the tears from the other woman's face as Josie stared at her. "I need to talk to you about something else Josie."_

**Thoughts?**

**How many of you now hate me? **


	11. Chapter 11

_"Your baby died a couple of days ago Josie."_

Attempting to button up her dress as her hands continued to shake, Josie stared at her reflection. She looked exhausted, ill and thin. She looked thinner than she had ever done in her life before. She didn't understand what was happening to her anymore, she was not the person she had been months ago. She was thin, shaking, ill and could barely focus on her work anymore. She was allowing her personal life to influence her work and that was something that she had said she would never allow. Running her fingers across the dress, Josie slowly nodded to herself, knowing that she was at presentable as she possibly could be. She hardly looked like someone who should be working in one of the most glamorous shops in London, let alone occupying the role of head of accessories.

"I can do this," Josie whispered to herself, like she did every morning, while she stared at the reflection. She didn't recognise who she was anymore. She was no longer the strong Josie Mardle that ran the accessories department of Selfridges. She was now a woman who could barely roll out of bed in the morning and button up her own clothes without her hands shaking. "I can do this," Josie repeated before nodding and moving towards the doorway, opening it slowly before stepping out into the hallway.

_"Your baby died a couple of days ago."_

Grabbing onto the handle of the stairs to support herself, Josie breathed out before she began to walk down them. She wished that the memory would disappear, she wished that it would leave her alone and she could get back on with her life but she didn't know how too anymore. She didn't know how to make the memories to stop herself from haunting her every moment of the day. Standing in the hallway, Josie slowly found her coat, pulling it on before she approached the mirror with her hat.

"Good morning Josie," Agnes smiled as she stepped out of the living room, already dressed for work while taking in Josie's shaking hands. "Josie," Agnes said quietly, moving towards her friend before taking the hat from her. "Why don't we pretend that I'm not doing this?" she suggested quickly as she slowly moved to rest the hat on Josie's head while the older woman blushed, clearly embarrassed that she was unable to put her own hat on because of her hands. "If we leave now, we might have time to get a cup of tea before work," she commented as Josie nodded, following her out of the house in silence.

"Have you heard from Florian?" Josie asked quietly, shocked at the question. She hadn't expected to say that but it had been on her mind. She had wondered whether the young man had reached Manchester safely and was enjoying himself.

"No I haven't," Agnes admitted as she looked across at Josie. "I'm sure he is alright Josie, he is probably dealing with a lot of things right now. He's just moved to a new city and has started a new job," she explained as Josie nodded slowly, wishing that Agnes had heard something just so they knew that Florian was okay. "He will be okay Josie," Agnes insisted, noticing the look on Josie's face as the older woman nodded slowly. "Do you want a cup of tea before work?" Agnes asked when they reached the shop, Josie shaking her head as she smiled weakly across at the younger woman before stepping inside. Removing her coat and hat, Josie placed them where she did every morning before running her hands across her dress, making sure it was perfectly straight before she stepped onto the shop floor.

_"Your baby died."_

Resting her hand on the counter, Josie shut her eyes for a moment, trying to control her emotions again. Why? Why was this happening to her? She had a job that she had loved and was apparently good at, she had been happy with her life. Why was this happening to her now? Why was she allowing this to destroy her?

"Miss Mardle?" a voice interrupted, stopping her thoughts as she quickly let go of the counter, not wishing to show weakness, before she turned to face the man who was currently staring at her. "We are having a meeting," Mr Grove stated as she nodded, resting her hands on her stomach as she forced a smile onto her face. He could not see that she was weak.

"Yes Mr Grove," she responded before approaching the elevator, Roger following her. Stepping into the elevator as the doors opened, Josie felt her smile disappear as Roger stepped in with her and the doors closed. Why? She couldn't be in a lift with him, she didn't want to be in such a small space with him when she felt like this.

_"Your baby died."_

"Miss Mardle are you quite well?" Roger asked as he looked across at her, watching her as she kept her eyes shut while attempting to control her breathing. "Miss Mardle?" he asked again, her eyes opening to look at him while her hands continued to shake. Why would they not stop shaking? She wasn't cold or scared or nervous. Why didn't the shaking stop? "Josie, do you need to go home?" he asked.

"No," she immediately responded before biting into her lip. Why had she replied so quickly? Now he would know something was wrong. "I have work to do, I am needed here. I am head of accessories," she stated, trying to stop her behaviour. She was the head of a department, she had to act like a professional. She had to stop acting like an old fool and start to behave appropriately. Walking out of the lift when the doors open, Josie quickly approached Mr Selfridge's office, stepping inside and forcing a smile onto her face as she moved to sit down in her usual seat. She had to start acting like she was in control of everything.

"Good morning everyone," Mr Selfridge smiled as he sat down, smiling at the various heads of departments as he began to discuss the day's business. Playing with the material of her dress while she attempted to take in everything Mr Selfridge was saying, Josie looked up when he finished talking about his plans for possible future events at the store. "Mr Grove, I do believe you have an announcement to make," Mr Selfridge added at the end of his speech, Josie glancing across at Roger as he smiled proudly.

"Yes," Roger responded as he stood up, unable to remove the smile from his face. "Mrs Grove and I have a son," he declared proudly as Josie felt everything she still had collapse around her. Roger had a son? Roger had a son with Doris now? Glancing down at her lap as the announcement sunk in, Josie felt herself begin to breathe more quickly, suddenly worrying that she would end up having something like a panic attack in the middle of her bosses office.

"Congratulations Mr Grove," Kitty smiled from across the table as Josie continued to remain silent. "How are Mrs Grove and the baby?"

_"Your baby died."_

"Both are very healthy and he certainly has a strong set of lungs," Mr Grove laughed, unable to hide his pride, as everyone around her laughed at the comment.

_"Your baby died."_

_"Your baby died."_

_"Your baby died."_

"Please excuse me," Josie blurted out, shocking everyone in the office as she stood up. She felt like she was going to be sick. Smiling weakly at Mr Selfridge, Josie quickly moved towards the door before stepping out of the office and moving to the stairs, darting past the various people who were around her. She actually felt like the remaining parts of her world were falling apart. Approaching the staff room, Josie breathed out in relief at the fact that it was empty before she shut the door, suddenly falling to the floor and resting her back against the wood of the door. "Oh god," she sobbed, suddenly noticing the tears that were streaming down her cheeks.

_"Your baby died."_

_"Mrs Grove and I have a son."_

_"Your baby died."_

_"Mrs Grove and I have a son."_

Covering her mouth with her hand as she began to feel even more sick at the haunting words of her life, Josie shut her eyes as she moved her free hand to her stomach. Hearing a knock at the door and the sound of someone trying to open the door, Josie glanced up in tears as she remained silent, desperately hoping that whoever it was would give up and go away. She didn't want everyone knowing that she was crying, it was bad enough that she had had to leave the meeting early and in the way that she did.

"Miss Mardle, I know you are in there," Roger's voice declared as she began to panic. He couldn't see her like this. "Miss Mardle, I would like to see you in my office when you are free," Roger stated quickly before silence fell again, the sound of his disappearing footsteps relaxing her for a moment. Breathing out, Josie slowly stood up before brushing her hands across the outfit she was wearing. She needed to get back to work and go and visit Roger before anyone else noticed her strange behaviour and started to question what was going on.

_"Roger," Josie called out when saw him step out of the shop on his lunch break, shock covering his face when he turned to face her. She knew that she didn't look well. It had been a week now and she wasn't supposed to be doing anything extreme, she was supposed to be resting but she couldn't cope anymore. She couldn't keep with the emptiness of her house and the memories that haunted her bedroom. "Roger," she said again as he stood perfectly still, taking in how pale she looked. Walking towards her, Roger looked around to see whether anyone was watching before he shook his head at the dark haired woman._

_"You should be at home," he responded as shock covered her face._

_"I needed to see you," she whispered, frustrated by the desperation in her voice. "I need to see you Roger, it's been a week…" she mumbled, tears appearing in her eyes as he shook his head at her._

_"We're not doing this here," he muttered as she stared at him._

_"It's been a week Roger and you haven't come to see me once," she whispered in anger, stepping away from him as tears ran down her cheeks. "Why haven't you visited me? Why did you run off and leave me alone?" she shouted at him, frustration covering his face as he walked towards her and took hold of her, forcibly leading her away from the shop into a nearby alley that was empty. "You can't just drag me around," she hissed, snatching her arm away as she glared at him._

_"You were making a scene," he responded._

_"I'm allowed to make a scene, I lost my son a week ago and the man who apparently loves me doesn't seem to care," she declared as he stared at her, concern covering his face when she leant against the wall and moved her hands to her abdomen, clearly in pain._

_"Josie," he said quickly, his tone calmer as he reached out to touch her._

_"Don't touch me," she warned, shaking her head at him as he stared at her. "I could have died Roger, I was dying and you just ran off and never came back," she whispered, visibly shaking as he stood perfectly still._

_"I had to go back to my wife Josie," he declared as she laughed at his explanation. She was fed up of his wife being his excuse for everything._

_"Your wife wasn't bleeding to death in front of you," she shouted. "You haven't even tried to find out how I am. I could have died last week Roger, I could have bled to death and you probably wouldn't have been any wiser," she suddenly realised, tears running down her cheeks._

_"If I hadn't gone back, she would have been suspicious Josie. She would have found out," he continued on as she stared at him in tears. Sometimes she really did wonder why she loved this man as much as she did?_

_"Then you must be glad that our son died," she hissed as shock covered his face. "Now you don't have any commitment to me, you can just visit once a week again when you feel like it," she mumbled, knowing that she had nothing to offer him now. She would just be the mistress. She wouldn't be the mother of his son. She was just the woman he came too for sex._

_"Don't be ridiculous Josie," he hissed, his anger obvious as he began to pace. "I'll never be glad that our son died and the fact that you think that disgusts me," he declared as she sobbed._

_"I'm sorry," she whispered, knowing that she hadn't meant it really. "I'm sorry Roger, I don't know why I said it. I didn't mean it, please believe me," she broke down, beginning to collapse as his arms wrapped around her, her face burying into his shirt as he pressed a kiss into her hair. _

_"Don't apologise," he whispered, holding her close as he tried not to cry. "Don't you ever apologise to me," he mumbled, tightening his hold of her as she continued to cry. "I was wrong to leave you Josie but I was scared. I walked into this room and you looked so small and there was so much blood," he whispered as she began to tense in his arms. "I was a coward. I should have been stronger for you both, I should have been there when you woke up," he muttered, keeping her close as she slowly stared up at him. "How are you?" he asked._

_"I don't know, I don't even know anymore Roger," she admitted as he pressed a kiss to her forehead, trying to work out how to comfort her. "I shouldn't have made such a scene," she whispered nervously as he shook his head. "Can we talk? I need to talk to someone, I need to talk to you," she begged, moving to hold onto his hands as he glanced down at his watch, Josie noticing his glance at the time. "Roger, it's important."_

_"I know Josie darling but I have to go back to work," he responded as she stared at him. Seriously? "If I don't go, people will get suspicious…" he began._

_"And we'll get in trouble if anyone found out," she whispered, the words etched onto her brain from the numerous times he had said it. "But Roger please, I need to talk to you."_

_"I will see if I can come round tonight," he answered as she continued to stare at him._

_"I'm not asking you Roger, you have to come tonight," she stated, desperately trying to be firm._

_"Josie, it depends on work and my w…" he began._

_"No Roger! If you love me, you come tonight. You come tonight or…" she declared, falling silent for a moment. "Or this relationship is over," she stated before turning away and walking out of the alley, shocked at what she had just done. Had she seriously just done that?_

"Come," Roger's voice responded after she had knocked on the door, Josie breathing out before she opened it and stepped inside the office. "Miss Mardle, would you like to sit down?" he asked, taking in for the first time how ill she actually looked. Nodding, Josie slowly moved towards the chair and sat down, her hands shaking again as she rested them on her lap and stared across at Roger. "I was going to ignore it but after your exit this morning I've become concerned by your behaviour, what's going on?" he asked, watching her as she glanced down at her hands.

"I ended my relationship with Florian," Josie said quietly as he groaned.

"And this behaviour is all because you ended your silly affair," he responded, angry at how immature she was acting.

"I keep having nightmares," she blurted out, immediately regretting it when he stared at her in confusion. "Since I ended my relationship with Florian, I have been remembering," she said quietly, looking down at her hands as he remained silent. "I've been dreaming about our children," she admitted before looking up at him, noticing the shock on his face.

"Josie," he warned.

"I have no one to talk too Roger, no one understands and I'm feeling like I'm starting to go crazy," she blurted out as he stood up, staring at him in shock. "I am losing everything," she declared as he turned to face her.

"Josie you have to stop this," he declared as she bit into her lip. "I have a family now, I have Doris and the children to think of," he whispered as she felt the tears run down her cheeks. Kneeling down beside the chair, Roger stared at her as she continued to cry. "It was a long time ago Josie, you need to move on. I thought you had," he said quietly, knowing that he sounded cruel. "It's been years Josie," he whispered as she nodded, violently wiping the tears away from her face as he fell silent. "You need to move on."

"I have no reason to move on. I have nothing to move on for unlike you," she admitted quietly as he stared at her. "I have no family, I never will and the one man who loved me has gone to Manchester because he can't stand to be around me anymore," she sobbed as Roger stood up and moved towards the window, staring out of it as Josie sat shaking. "I sent him away because I ultimately don't deserve him, I don't deserve any affection from him," she mumbled. "I don't deserve affection from anyone."

"Josie," Roger whispered, turning to face her as she shook her head.

"He deserves so much better than a stupid old woman whose body failed at the one thing it was supposed to do. He has this promising future and I would ruin it, he's better without me," Josie declared before standing up, her body starting to collapse at the sudden movement. Watching as she grabbed hold of the arm of the chair, Roger stared at the woman as she fell silent for a moment. He hated that she was broken, that she seemed so lost and hated herself because of their past.

"Josie," Roger said again, falling silent when she glared up at him.

"The one thing I have realised from remembering," she began as she stood up straight and rested her hands on her stomach, her eyes remaining focused on him. "Is that I am so glad that I no longer love you," she stated, shocking him with the anger in her voice. "Because I really don't understand why I spent seventeen years of my life wanting to be with you after the way you treated me," she declared before opening the door and walking out of his office, leaving a shocked Mr Grove inside.

_"So you decided to come then," Josie commented as she sat on her bed, watching as Roger removed his coat and stared at her, taking in how exhausted she looked. "I was beginning to think that you decided…" she began as he shook his head and moved to sit at the end of the bed, leaving some distance between them in the hope of keeping her comfortable._

_"I would never do that. I love you," he insisted as she stared at him. "I have acted like the biggest idiot in the world and the world's greatest coward. I should have been there. I should have sat there and waited for you to wake up. I should have been the one to tell you about the baby, I should have comforted you and I should be the one helping you recover Josie," he declared as she continued to watch him. "I have been selfish. I ran away from the situation when I should have been looking after the woman I love," he stated before moving closer to her, his hand moving to her cheek as she stared at him. "I love you Josie Mardle," he whispered, pressing a kiss to her forehead as she remained silent. "How are you feeling darling? Is there anything I can get you?" he asked quietly as she moved her hand to rest on top of his._

_"I held him," Josie admitted as shock covered his face. "Our son."_

_"Oh Josie," he said quietly as she smiled weakly._

_"He was perfect Roger," she smiled, remembering his small body in her arms. "He had my hair, the darkest curls," she admitted as Roger smiled weakly, their hands moving from her cheek to rest on her lap. "I wish you could have seen him," she whispered quietly as he nodded, wishing more than anything that he could have seen his son for at a moment. "I should have been stronger, I should have been able to keep him alive," Josie muttered as Roger squeezed her hand._

_"There was nothing you could have done Josie," he responded as she rested back against the pillows, clearly exhausted as he watched her. "You need to sleep my love," Roger said quietly, brushing his fingers across her cheek to tuck stray hairs behind her ear._

_"Roger there's something I have to tell you," she admitted as he nodded, staring at her as she bit into her lip._

_"Whatever it is Josie, you can tell me," he promised as she squeezed his hand._

_"There was too much damage after the bleeding," she admitted quietly, turning away to lie on her side so she wasn't looking at him while shock covered his face. "I am never going to have children," she whispered, still not believing it herself as he sat perfectly still for a moment. "I can't have children," she muttered, feeling Roger lie down behind her before his arms wrapped around her body. "I'm never going to be able to give you a family Roger," she sobbed, turning in his arms to bury her face into his chest while he held her close. Josie was never going to have children?_

_"I love you," he whispered, not knowing what else to say as he pressed another kiss into her hair. "This doesn't change that, it will never change that, I love you," he promised, shutting his eyes as she continued to sob into his shirt._

Entering her bedroom that evening, Josie quickly entered her bedroom before undoing her hair, allowing the curls to fall down her shoulders before she breathed out. She didn't know what to do. It was just getting worse.

_"Your baby died."_

_"Mrs Grove and I have a son."_

_"I can't have children."_

Staring at her dressing table, Josie slowly found herself focusing on the tablets that had been prescribed to her by the doctor who had visited a couple of days ago on Agnes' request. Moving towards the table, Josie grabbed them before sitting down on the edge of her bed in tears.

_"Your baby died."_

_"Mrs Grove and I have a son."_

_"I can't have children."_

_"I just want you to know Josie, I want you to know that I will always be here if you want someone to talk too about anything."_

**The last line was said by Florian in chapter four.**

**What do you think? I'm not sure and I am officially very miserable because of this story. I am definitely going to write a very happy one after this one is finished!**

**On happier-ish news, FLORIAN RETURNS IN THE NEXT CHAPTER.**


	12. Chapter 12

**Thank you for such an amazing response to the last chapter.**

**It was so good to hear from readers who I thought I'd lost and I am glad that you are all enjoying this story.**

**This chapter takes place two days after the last chapter.**

Hearing a knock at the door, Agnes slowly moved out of the bedroom before walking down the stairs, yawning in exhaustion as she approached the front door. She was tired, had barely slept and she really couldn't be bothered with visitors. She felt so lost, trying to deal with everything that had happened. Her engagement to Victor was over, she was now in a relationship with Henri who was about to join the army and she'd come home to find, well she didn't want to think about it. Reaching the front door, Agnes yawned once more before opening it and feeling the shock cover her face at the man who was smiling at her.

"Florian?" Agnes asked quietly, amazed to see him standing there, as he nodded, his smile disappearing when he took in how exhausted she looked.

"Hello Agnes," Florian smiled, holding onto his suitcase as she stared at him in silence. "I was wondering whether Josie was home?" he questioned, watching as Agnes paled and glanced across at the stairs. "Josie," Florian whispered to himself, moving into the house quickly before running up the stairs while Agnes remained in the doorway. Approaching Josie's bedroom, Florian quickly opened the door before shaking his head at the sight in front of him. Hearing footsteps behind him, Florian turned to see Agnes approaching him in silence. "What happened?" he questioned, turning around again to stare at the woman who was lying in bed, perfectly still.

"She came home early from work two days ago," Agnes began as she stepped into the bedroom and approached the bed, sitting down on the edge of it as Florian remained completely still. "I came home only a couple of hours later Florian," she whispered. "She had been prescribed sleeping pills earlier in the week," she explained, trying to give the musician as much detail as possible as he ran his fingers through his hair, taking in the sight of the sleeping woman. "She took the majority of them," Agnes finally stated, turning to look across at Florian to watch him slowly move towards them. "George got a doctor and he treated her, she should be okay. She has woken up a couple of times."

"She's so thin," Florian commented, taking in her tiny figure as Agnes nodded slowly.

"She hasn't been well. She won't let anyone know what's wrong, she won't talk to anyone but she's been getting worse Florian. She collapsed the other day and she hasn't eaten a proper meal for weeks," Agnes explained, still watching the older woman. "I did try," she said quietly. "I should have done something more, I should have helped her," Agnes said, beginning to cry as Florian rested his hand on her shoulder, trying to comfort her. "I knew something was wrong," Agnes admitted.

"We've all known something was wrong but you couldn't have done anymore. She wasn't letting anyone help her," Florian said quietly as he watched Agnes. "You should get some sleep Agnes, you're tired," he whispered, Agnes' head beginning to shake at his request. "I'm here now, I'll look after her. You're exhausted and you should go to work tomorrow," Florian explained as Agnes stared up at him. "Please get some sleep, you look exhausted and we don't want you to get sick too."

"You will come and get me if anything changes?" Agnes asked as Florian nodded, smiling at her as she stood up and wrapped her arms around her body. "I'm really glad you came back Florian. We've missed you, she's missed you," she whispered as Florian nodded at her, sitting down beside Josie as Agnes left the room.

"Why did you do this to yourself Josie?" Florian asked quietly as he brushed his fingers across her cheek before taking hold of her hand. "Please wake up Josie, please wake up for me. I need you to wake up for me," he whispered, leaning down to press a kiss to her forehead. "You silly woman," he muttered, still holding tightly onto her hand as he stared at her. "When you wake up, we're going to go away for a little while. I think you need to get out of London for a little while," he whispered to her, not knowing what else to do. He still couldn't believe that she'd done this to herself.

_"Josie darling," Roger called out as he entered her house and slowly moved towards her bedroom. Josie was yet to return to work after her labour and he had been trying to visit as often as possible, even though he was aware that his wife was beginning to question the excuses he was making. Approaching her bedroom in silence, Roger sighed as he moved to open the door, shocked to find that it was locked. "Josie," he called out again, surprise covering his face when the door to the spare room opened and Josie appeared in the doorway, her dressing gown wrapped tightly around her body while her hair was tied loosely back. "You've moved rooms," he commented as he walked towards her, her head nodding as his arms wrapped around her body._

_"I kept having nightmares, I couldn't stay in there anymore," Josie whispered, burying her face into his chest while Roger continued to hold her close. "Are you staying here tonight?" she asked into his shirt as he sighed, knowing that he should stay with her but aware that his wife would finally work out what was going on if he spent the night away from home. "You can't stay can you?" Josie commented, looking up at him as he stayed silent._

_"She's working it out Josie," he whispered as she sighed. "She's been asking questions about why I've been late home from work every day," Roger admitted as she shut her eyes and rested against him again. "I want to stay with you Josie," he admitted, pressing a kiss into her dark hair before he led her into what used to be her spare bedroom, taking in the fact that all her possessions had moved. "How are you feeling today?" he asked as she shrugged and sat down on the bed, patting the space beside her while he removed his coat and moved to sit next to her._

_"Better, the pain has finally stopped," Josie admitted as she cuddled into his side, relaxing for the first time that day. "But I keep thinking about him Roger," she said quietly. "Our beautiful little boy," she whispered._

_"Josie please," Roger responded as she remained close to him, not looking at him as she began to play with the tie he was wearing._

_"I don't even know where my own son is buried," she admitted as he shut his eyes. "I can't even go and visit my son's grave," she whispered, remaining still as he sighed._

_"Josie please stop," Roger begged as she looked up at him. "Please stop doing this."_

_"You didn't see him, you didn't hold him. To you, he was just a concept, an idea, Roger. To me, he was a real human being. I held him in my arms, I saw what he looked like, I cradled him and kissed his head," she declared, moving out of his hold before she ran her fingers through her hair, still remembering her little boy as Roger watched her._

_"You'll make yourself ill if you continue to do this to yourself darling," Roger whispered as he moved to sit behind her, pressing another kiss into her hair. "I know it's hard, I know that it seems impossible but you need to try and move on from this," he said quietly into her hair as she shut her eyes, trying not to think about what he had just said as he kept his arms wrapped around her. "I love you," he said quietly, keeping her close as she shut her eyes._

Feeling her hand move in his, Florian glanced up at the brunette as she began to blink, a small smile appearing on his face as he took in the fact that she was awake. Moving to sit down on the bed in silence beside her, Florian squeezed her hand tightly before the brunette moved her head to look at him, shock quickly decorating her exhausted features.

"Hello," Florian whispered with a small smile on his face as she remained silent, still staring at him. "Hello," he repeated, leaning down to gently press a kiss to her forehead as she shut her eyes at the touch. "You had me worried Josie," he admitted, still watching her as he moved away slightly, her free hand moving to rest on his cheek while she continued to look up at him. "I should get Agnes, she will want to know that you are okay Josie," Florian admitted as Josie shook her head, not wanting him to leave her again. Noticing the tears that were starting to appear in her eyes, Florian smiled weakly as he moved closer to her again. "I won't leave you again," he whispered as she continued to keep her hand on his cheek. "What happened Josie? Why did you do it?" he asked after a few moments silence, knowing that it was too soon for him to start questioning her but he couldn't stop himself. "You don't need to answer that Josie, not until you're ready," he added as she bit into her lip before attempting to sit up. "Do you want anything?"

"No," Josie responded as he continued to watch her, glad to see her awake. "Florian, why are you here? You're supposed to be in Manchester," she asked quietly, wrapping her arms around his body.

"Do you want the truth or the answer most likely to make you happy?" he asked quietly as she continued to hold onto his hand, staring at him in confusion. How was he here? He was supposed to be in Manchester. "The answer that would make you happy is that I've forgotten something and I've just come back to get it," he said quietly as he moved closer to her, the brunette staring at him in amazement.

"And the truth?" she asked quietly.

"The truth is simple Josie," he began as she remained silent. "I love you," he whispered quietly, his fingers brushing against her cheek while she stared at him. "I was sat in Manchester, staring at the walls of my tiny room, and I realised that I would rather be here with you pushing me away than in another city pretending that you don't exist and that I don't love you," Florian explained as she bit into her lip. "I can't do this Josie, I can't not see you everyday," he whispered as the tears began to run down her cheeks. "Hey, don't cry," Florian said quietly, brushing the tears away as she glanced down at her lap. "Look at me Josie," he whispered, the brunette staring up at him as he kept his hand on her cheek. "Josie, I need you to trust me."

"Trust you?" Josie questioned as he nodded in response.

"I know that something has upset you Josie, something has really scared you and it's led to you doing this to yourself," he explained as she shut her eyes, not wanting to think about it. "You're thin, tired, pale and you've just…" he began.

"Florian please," she interrupted as he nodded slowly, knowing that she wasn't ready to discuss it.

"Please trust me," he whispered. "Sleep, have some dinner tonight and then tomorrow we're going to leave London for a little while," Florian explained as she immediately opened her eyes and shook her head at him. She couldn't leave London, she had work and she couldn't just leave with him. She was supposed to be pushing him away, protecting him from the destruction she would bring to his life. "Josie, you need to get away from whatever has upset you and I think that whatever it is, is in London."

"I have work," Josie stated weakly.

"I will talk to Mr Grove, you need some time off work," Florian declared as she shook her head again. He couldn't tell Roger that she needed time off, he couldn't see Roger. If he saw Roger, then he would know that something was wrong and Florian would probably end up telling him what she had done. She didn't need Roger to know what she had just done. She didn't need people knowing her business. "Josie, I'm just going to tell him that you are unwell. He doesn't need to know anything that happened."

"Promise me that you won't tell him," she begged as Florian nodded, smiling at her as he brushed his fingers across her cheek. "Why are you doing all this Florian?"

"Because I love you and I just want to see you smile again."

**I hate this chapter, it's awful but I rewrote it almost ten times and this was the best attempt. The next chapter will be better, I promise.**

**Please review, I love hearing from you. **


	13. Chapter 13

**There are no flashbacks in this particular chapter as I decided to focus on what's going on in the present day with Josie and Florian but they will return in the following chapters. I just wanted to sort out what was currently going on with the characters and get the plot moving. **

**I was amazed at the amount of reviews I received for the last chapter. The response really was amazing and I do hope you continue to enjoy this story and review, your reviews do mean the world to me and make me smile so much.**

**Warning, I personally think this is one of the worst chapters I've ever written. It's not good but I couldn't think of anything else.**

"Come," Roger called out in response to the knock at his office door, looking up from his work as it opened and Florian stepped into the office. "Mr Dupont, I thought you had left London," he commented as Florian nodded, standing by the door as he stared at the redheaded man who was surrounded by paperwork. "How can I help you today then Mr Dupont?" Roger asked, not particularly happy to be dealing with the younger man.

"I would like to discuss Miss Mardle with you Mr Grove," Florian admitted quickly as Roger nodded slowly, resting back in his chair as Florian continued to stand still.

"Please do sit down Mr Dupont," Roger invited quickly, still attempting to remain polite to the other man who had quickly sat down opposite him. "Now, what do you wish to talk about in relation to Miss Mardle?" he questioned although he could probably guess what he wished to discuss. Roger was still surprised to have Florian sitting in his office, after he had apparently gone to Manchester, and he expected that Florian was now aware of what had upset Josie and wished to talk about that.

"She's unwell and we would like her to take her another week off work so she can get out of London for a while," Florian explained as Roger stared at him in silence for a moment before shaking his head at the request. "You're refusing?" the Belgian asked as Roger continued to stare at the younger man.

"Josie needs to get over this and return to work," Roger stated before standing up. "She is Head of Accessories, she has an important department to run and staff that she is in charge of. She needs to be here, she has had enough time off of work recently," he explained quickly as he moved towards the door, preparing to ask Florian to leave. Josie could not keep taking time off work because of a couple of nightmares. They had to keep going, she had a job to do! She needed to start being Miss Mardle, Head of Accessories again, rather than this emotional woman who kept missing days off work because she'd been having some bad dreams.

"Josie needs to leave London Mr Grove, even if it is just for a couple of days. She needs to recover," Florian insisted, remaining seated while Roger stood by the door. "She's not been well recently and she needs to get away in order to recover properly," he stated, knowing that he had Josie's best interests at heart. He had organised to take Josie away for a week and he was going to do it, whether Mr Grove agreed to it or not. He was not going to risk her health because one man was refusing to give her the time she needed in order to recover from swallowing a large quantity of sleeping pills.

"She's had a couple of bad dreams, she needs to get on with her life. She has a career she needs to focus on," Roger stated as Florian turned to face him in shock. Did this man have no feelings at all? He really wanted to shout at the older man that Josie wasn't just having bad dreams, that she was so unwell that she had taken nearly a whole bottle of sleeping pills and she wasn't being overdramatic. However, he had promised never to let Mr Grove know what Josie had done, he had promised her it would remain a household secret and he wasn't going to betray her trust because of Roger Grove. Standing up slowly, Florian continued to stare at the other man as silence filled the office.

"Mr Grove," Florian began, watching the other man who continued to remain silent. "I will be taking Josie to the country tomorrow whether you agree or not," he stated, deciding to remain firm. His main concern was Josie's health, he would fight for her career as well if he had too. "She is unwell at the moment and her well being and safety will always be my priority," he explained before he moved towards the door, Roger's hand resting on the door handle, taking control of the situation again.

"If Josie does not return to work in the next two days, it will be unlikely that she will have a job to return to," Roger stated before quickly opening the door for the other man, Florian remaining completely silent as he stepped out of the office and began to walk down the corridor. He really was beginning to detest this man.

XOXOXOXOXOX

"Mr Grove?" Agnes asked in shock as she opened the front door to see him standing on the doorstep, a small smile appearing on his face as he nodded slowly. "Are you here to see Josie?" the younger woman questioned as he nodded again, stepping into the house when Agnes had moved out of the way to allow him inside. Shutting the door, Agnes smiled at him before approaching the stairs. "I'll show you up," Agnes responded before they both walked up the stairs in silence before Agnes approached Josie's bedroom and knocked on the door.

"Who is it?" Florian called out from within the room, Roger staring at the door as Agnes opened it slightly.

"Mr Grove is here to see you Josie," Agnes replied as she glanced across at the couple who were sat on the bed together, Florian glancing across at the door while Josie smiled weakly. Nodding slowly, Josie looked across at Florian before Agnes turned to face Roger who was waiting in silence. "You can go in now Mr Grove," Agnes smiled before she moved out of the way, Roger nodding once again before he stepped into the bedroom to see the couple for himself.

"Roger," Josie said quietly, resting against a large pile of pillows while Florian sat silently in the chair that was positioned next to the bed.

"Josie I would like to talk to you," Roger stated as he glanced across at the Belgian, noticing when Josie reached across for Florian's hand while the younger man continued to glare across at Roger.

"Josie?" Florian questioned as she squeezed his hand tightly, smiling weakly across at him as he turned to look at her.

"I will be fine," Josie smiled as he nodded slowly, glaring across at Roger again before his focus returned to Josie once more. "Can I have a cup of tea?" she asked as Florian nodded, standing quickly before he moved out of the bedroom and shut the door behind him. "Why are you here Roger?" Josie asked, dropping the smile as she looked at him again while he stood perfectly still.

"I came to see you Josie because Mr Dupont visited me this morning," Roger stated as Josie nodded slowly.

"I know, he told me what happened when he came home," Josie responded. Florian had returned from Selfridges and had immediately told her what had happened during his talk with Mr Grove and she knew that Roger was here to try and turn her against Florian.

"You have to stop this Josie," Roger began as Josie groaned, shutting her eyes for a moment as Roger stared at her. "You need to come back to work Josie, you are head of a department in one of the busiest shops in London. You are supposed to be setting an example for your staff, for the members of your department," he stated quickly as she slowly opened her eyes and glanced across at him while he shook his head. "You're being over dramatic about this whole thing Josie."

"Over dramatic?" Josie asked in shock, shaking her head at him before she stared up at the ceiling. "It is moments like these Roger, which make me question why I ever loved you and spent seventeen years of my life wanting to be in a relationship with you," she stated, shock covering her face when she looked across the room again to find her bedroom door open and Florian standing in the doorway in the complete silence with a cup of tea in his hands. "Florian," Josie whispered as Roger turned to look at the younger man.

"I can come back in a minute Josie," Florian responded as Josie shook her head at his suggestion, not wanting him to leave her, while he continued to watch her, both of them ignoring Roger's presence in the room. Stepping into the room, Florian approached the bed before resting the cup of tea on the bedside table and sitting down on the edge of the bed beside Josie. "Mr Grove, I would like you to leave now," Florian stated when Josie's hand found his again, her fingers lacing with his as the older man shook his head at the other man's request.

"Only Josie can ask me to leave her house," Roger immediately responded while Josie squeezed Florian's hand, trying desperately to keep herself calm as well as the younger man. "Josie," Roger began as she shook her head and looked up at him, trying to act like she was strong and he hadn't hurt her.

"I would like another week off work Roger," Josie stated, keeping her focus on Roger as he began to shake his head once again. "I need another week."

"You have had plenty of days off work now Josie," Roger responded as Josie bit into her lip, Florian squeezing her hand in some attempt to support her. "You are not unwell and you are have no personal reasons stopping you from attending your shifts."

"I need some more time Roger. Only another week and then I will be back at work. I just need some more time," Josie said quietly.

"Some more time for what Josie? You dealt with the real thing, you can cope with some simple memories," Roger stated, his eyes focusing on Josie, while confusion covered Florian's face. What was everyone talking about? What memories? Why did it seem that everyone was more aware of what was really going on except for him?

"I can't cope Roger, I'm not coping," Josie whispered, feeling Florian's hand squeeze hers again while she continued to stare at Roger. "Please," Josie mumbled.

"I will not be authorising any time off Josie because of a couple of nightmares about an event that happened over ten years ago," Roger announced, knowing that this would be his final decision on the matter. She needed to start moving on and he was not going to keep allowing her to miss work. She had to return to her responsibilities, she couldn't just stay in bed anymore.

"Then I will be going away whether you agree or not," Josie declared, final in her own decision as well. Florian had found her somewhere nice to go for a week, somewhere where she could have some time to herself and recover from what she had done to herself because she had felt like there were no other options. "And I am sure Mr Selfridge would be fascinated to know why I'd been dismissed, don't you think so Roger?" Josie asked as shock covered Roger's face. Was she now threatening him? Was she seriously threatening to tell their boss about their affair?

"Now you are being ridiculous Josie. Not only would that be detrimental to both our careers, you know that it would only reflect badly on you," he responded as Josie tried to stay strong. She was not going to let him upset her anymore. He was not a part of her life anymore. He was just her boss. He was not her lover, friend or anything else to her that was of any importance. Roger had no right to upset her like he had done in the past. "You are starting to act like a fool."

"Well you already believe that I'm an old fool Roger who doesn't even deserved to be loved and have a future so why do you even care about how I act or people's opinion of me? I'm just the old fool," Josie shouted at her previous partner, her anger increasing as shock covered Florian's face at her sudden outburst while Mr Grove stood perfectly still. "I want you to leave now Mr Grove," Josie stated as Roger nodded, immediately turning and moving towards the door while Florian stood up. "Where are you going?" she asked as she glanced up at the musician.

"One second," Florian whispered before leaning down and pressing a kiss into her hair after Roger had stepped out of the room. "Relax Josie, try and calm down," he added, moving away before approaching the door while Josie watched in silence. Walking out of the room, Florian quickly walked after Roger, catching up with him at the bottom of the stairs. "Mr Grove," Florian called out, stopping Roger who turned to face him. "She is not just missing work because she doesn't feel like going in. Josie is unwell and needs to recover without someone treating her like you just did," Florian called out quickly. "Old fool?" he asked, shaking his head.

"Why do you even want to be with her Mr Dupont?" Roger questioned as Florian fell silent. "Why would you even want to be with her? She's an old, lonely woman who will never be able to give you a family," he stated quickly while Florian shook his head. How dare he talk about her like that? If that was what Josie had begun to believe she was like, there was no wonder that she was beginning to feel depressed with her life.

"I want to be with her, in whatever way she wants, because I love her," Florian declared. "I want to make her happy because she makes me happy and it is none of your business really," he stated. "And if you ever hurt her again, like you have done in the past, I will do something about it" he immediately responded while Roger smiled at him.

"How can you even love someone Mr Dupont when you don't even know the real them?" Roger asked before moving towards the front door and walking out of the house while Florian stood in silence.

What did he mean?

What did he mean that he didn't understand the real Josie?

**And yeah, I shall go to bed now and hopefully I'll update again tomorrow.**

**Please review, I love hearing from you and I do hope you like this chapter.**

**I know it's not a brilliant chapter but hopefully you still liked it. **


	14. Chapter 14

**This is a really long chapter so hopefully you'll enjoy it and review because they mean the world to me.**

**Anyway, do enjoy and hate Mr Grove.**

_"I'm not going to be able to visit for a while," Roger whispered as he rested in Josie's bed, staring at the brunette as she watched him. "We are going to visit her sister for a couple of weeks while she's feeling well enough to see her," Roger explained, Josie's eyes shutting as he wrapped his arms around Josie and pulled her close to him. "I'll write to you," Roger whispered into her hair, falling silent when Josie shook her head and looked up at him._

_"No you won't," Josie mumbled, knowing that he was just telling her what she wanted to hear. "You are going to go away and be the perfect husband everyone believes you are Roger. She's going to love you and you are going to enjoy yourself because you always do when you go away to your sister in laws," Josie declared, sitting up quickly before she ran her fingers through her hair. "You will smoke and laugh and enjoy the company of your family and I'll…" she began before falling silent, realising that the moment he left she would be alone again in her house full of nightmares._

_"Josie, it's only for a couple of weeks," Roger stated, sitting up slowly before he pressed a kiss into her dark curls again. "And then I'll be back and I will write if I can," he said, trying desperately to comfort her as she shook her head and climbed out of her bed, grabbing her robe off the floor before she wrapped it around her body. "Josie darling, you are getting yourself stressed for no reason," he sighed, remaining perfectly still as she began to pace. "There is nothing for you to get upset about Josie. I will go away for a couple of weeks with my wife and then I will come back and…"_

_"And visit me, the whore," Josie interrupted before she walked towards her door and stormed out of the room, slamming the door behind her. Staring at the shut door, Roger quickly climbed out of the bed before walking towards it and opening it, walking down the corridor quickly in search of the young woman._

_"Josie," Roger sighed when he finally entered the living room to see her curled up in the chair located near the fire, tears running down her cheeks as he approached her. Why did she keep on doing this to herself? "Josie," he whispered again, kneeling down beside the chair before he took hold of her hand, noticing when she flinched at the touch. "You are not a wh…" he began before shaking his head, not even wanting to say it. Why would she ever see herself like that?_

_"I am in a relationship with a married man," Josie said quietly, not even looking at him as she remained perfectly still. "I am in a sexual relationship with a man who will never be my husband. I am the woman who sits here every night waiting for you to come around so I can be happy and have some form of intimacy in my life."_

_"Josie please stop it," Roger whispered as she shook her head._

_"I was going to bring a child into this," Josie said quietly, horror covering her face as she took in what she was saying. Moving her free hand to her stomach, Josie glanced down at her abdomen for a moment before feeling sick. "I was going to bring a baby into this horrible situation," she declared, appalled by her own behaviour while Roger watched her. "Our baby would never have had a proper family, people would have always commented. Our bastard child," Josie hissed, her hand quickly moving away from her stomach to cover her mouth._

_"Josie stop it," Roger warned, standing up as she climbed out of the chair, horrified by what she had once planned to do._

_"You would never have acknowledged our baby," Josie snapped, turning around to face the redhead as he paled. "You can't even acknowledge me when we are together in public because someone might tell your wife. How could you ever have acknowledged your son Roger?" she questioned, her arms wrapping around her body._

_"Josie you don't need to think about it! We don't have a baby and there is no reason for you to upset yourself about this," he declared, stepping towards her as she stared at him, shaking her head._

_"Someone should tell your wife, it would be better for everyone if she knew," Josie stated as shock covered his face. She wasn't thinking of telling his wife, was she? Josie wouldn't do that, would she? Moving towards him, Josie slowly wrapped her hands around his shirt as he stared down at her. "Tell her Roger," Josie whispered, pressing a kiss to his lips while he remained unresponsive. "Please tell her."_

_"I can't tell my wife Josie," he responded, stepping away from her as she stayed still. "Have you lost your mind?" he suddenly declared, his voice full of anger as she bit into her lip. "If I told her Josie, that would be the end of everything," he began before shaking his head at her. She was being completely ridiculous._

_"But we could be together," Josie whispered._

_"With no jobs, with everyone who knows my wife and I discussing us," he responded. "I have never heard anything more stupid."_

_"It's stupid for me to want us to be together as a real couple," Josie argued quickly, unable to take her eyes off him._

_"It is stupid to risk our careers over something stupid like…" he began, falling silent for a moment to take in the horror that decorated her face. "My wife is ill Josie, you can't expect me to abandon her for you! In the end I married her, I can't just leave her because I want to be with someone else. She needs someone."_

_"Yes someone, it doesn't have to be you," Josie responded._

_"I'm her husband Josie," Roger immediately declared._

_"But you're not the perfect husband she believes you are, are you Roger?" she shouted at him. "Your wife is unwell and yet you are here with me," she declared as he stared at her. "You tell her you are spending one night at your club and yet you can't wait to come here and sleep with me."_

_"Well we haven't been intimate recently have we Josie? You can't exactly tell her that we are having a sexual relationship," he responded in frustration. Why had she brought this up? Why was she doing this to them?_

_"I just lost a baby, I've just learnt that I will never have children and you think that I would want to do that," she hissed. "I want to tell her," Josie declared as shock covered his face. Was she being serious? Did she seriously think that it was a good idea to tell his wife about their affair? "I want to tell your wife Roger," Josie repeated, groaning in pain when he grabbed hold of her arm tightly._

_"Do you seriously think she'd believe you Josie?" Roger asked as he continued to hold her arm, the brunette glancing down at her arm in pain._

_"You're hurting me Roger," Josie mumbled._

_"Do you seriously think she'll believe a woman who looks seriously ill or the husband who has cared for her and is the loyal man in her life?" Roger questioned her as Josie bit into her lip in pain, unable to stop the tears that were now running down her cheeks. "You're not thinking properly," he commented quickly as she stared up at him. "You're upset, please don't do anything that you know you will one day regret," he muttered, loosening the grip of her arm as she remained silent and nodded slowly. "I need to get dressed," he stated before pressing a kiss into her hair and walking out of the room, shutting the door behind him while Josie covered her mouth with her hand to cover her sobs._

Opening her eyes in shock, Josie quickly looked opposite her to see Florian watching her in concern as they sat in an empty carriage of the train. Leaning forward, Florian slowly took hold of her hand before smiling weakly, knowing that something had woken her up. They had left London that morning and had another hour left of their train journey and she had been sleeping peacefully for the last half hour before starting to twitch in panic.

"We have another hour left of the journey," Florian said quietly, knowing better than to try and ask her about what had upset her in her sleep. Still holding onto her hand, Florian watched as she laced her fingers with his before standing and moving to sit beside him, a nervous smile appearing on her face as she looked up at him. "We have gone through some beautiful places," he commented, trying to distract her as she nodded slowly before yawning. "Why don't you sit the other side of me Josie?" he suggested, moving slightly to create more space between him and the wall as she nodded and moved, smiling weakly at his understanding of her need for security right now. Resting her head against the wall of the train, Josie smiled as Florian took hold of her hand again and looked at her. He wished that she would trust him enough to tell him what was going on and he wished that he could ask her what Mr Grove had meant without risking upsetting her.

"Florian," Josie began quietly as he nodded, watching her as she continued to hold onto his hand. "I missed you," Josie whispered, her voice almost silent as his smile grew at her comment. "When you were in Manchester, I missed you," she admitted, her eyes shutting as she attempted to remain in control of her emotions, knowing that she was on the edge of crying once again. "I wanted you to come back, I really did miss you," Josie continued as Florian stared at her in amazement. This was the most open she had been with him for weeks and he was glad to see that she was finally beginning to trust him with some understanding of how she was feeling. "I'm sorry that I sent you away."

"It was my choice to leave London Josie," Florian responded, keeping a tight hold of her hand as she felt a tear begin to run down her cheek. "Hey, don't cry," he whispered, using his free hand to brush away the tears.

"I wish I could make you happy Florian," Josie mumbled, opening her eyes to look at him as he smiled weakly. "You deserve to be happy," she whispered, suddenly nervous that someone would walk in as she glanced across at the doors.

"Let's discuss this later, when there's no risk of interruption," Florian suggested as she nodded slowly, still resting against the wall as he watched her. He really wished that she could understood how happy she made him.

_Staring at the bruise that had formed on her arm from when Roger had held it, Josie bit into her lip as she remained curled up in her armchair in tears. He had been gone two days and she hated herself for missing him, for still loving him. He had moments of being the most horrible person she could ever think of but most of the time he loved her and treated with her so well. He was just upset about the baby and tired because of having to deal with his wife, work and her problems as well. She was only making the situation worse for him and that was why he was so angry. She shouldn't have suggested telling his wife. What had she been thinking? Shaking her head at her own stupidity, Josie slowly pulled the sleeve off her dress down to hide the bruise away before resting her head back against the chair, forcing herself to stare at the ceiling. Why did Roger stay with her when she was so stupid?_

"You really did find somewhere beautiful," Josie commented as she walked with Florian through one of the fields, a large smile covering his face as he nodded in agreement. The small cottage they were staying in for the week had made Josie smile the moment that she had seen it. It was the stereotypical country cottage, situated away from other premises and surrounded by miles of fields and sweeping landscapes that Josie couldn't help but enjoy. "Thank you for this," Josie whispered, wrapping her arms around Florian's as he smiled across at her.

"If it helps to make you feel better Josie," he began as she nodded slowly, knowing that the whole purpose of this trip was to help her recover.

"You didn't need to go to all this effort though Florian," she whispered, aware that no one else had ever done this for her. "It is truly wonderful though, thank you," Josie repeated before leaning up and pressing a kiss to his cheek, both of them blushing at the action. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have done that."

"Josie please don't apologise," he whispered, turning to face her as she glanced down at their feet while she continued to blush. "You have no reason to apologise for it Josie or to believe that you had no right to do that. I am not angry or upset by it," he insisted, finding her hand again as she slowly began to look up at him. "Please stop worrying that you are doing something wrong," he begged, squeezing her hand tightly as she bit into her lip.

"I am doing something wrong, I'm always doing something wrong Florian," Josie panicked, removing her hand from his before she stepped away and stared at him. "I always make mistakes," she whispered, his head shaking as he attempted to get closer to her again but failing when she took another step away from him.

"Josie," Florian whispered.

"Please stop this, please," Josie begged, tears starting to run down her cheeks. "I am useless," Josie whispered as he shook his head at her comment before stepping towards her again while she began to completely break down in front of him. "I can't even have a conversation without crying," she hissed at herself as he slowly moved a hand around her body, resting it on the small of her back while she continued to sob.

"Josie, calm down," Florian said quietly, keeping hold of her as she began to breathe quickly, obviously beginning to panic about something. "Josie, you need to breathe slowly, you're going to make yourself ill," he ordered, his free hand resting on her cheek as he forced her to look at him. "Breathe with me Josie," he suggested before breathing in and out slowly, Josie copying his actions after a few moments before her control started to improve. "I think we should go back to the house," he whispered, leading her in the direction of the house as she remained completely silent, allowing him to direct her back to the cottage. "You don't need to be embarrassed," Florian said quietly as Josie bit into her lip again. Florian could tell that she was ashamed of her behaviour and how she had just acted and he was desperate to see her smile again, for her to begin to enjoy herself rather than being upset and terrified about everything she did. Approaching the cottage in silence, the couple stopped by the door before Florian unlocked it and allowed Josie into the small building before closing the door behind him. "Why don't you go and sit down and I'll make some tea?"

"Yes," Josie whispered, disappearing into the living room while Florian moved into the kitchen and prepared two cups of tea. Carrying them into the small sitting room moments later, Florian smiled weakly across at Josie, who was cuddled into the corner of the sofa, before resting the two cups of tea on a nearby table. Sitting down moments later, Florian watched as Josie remained perfectly still.

"I want you to know that you have not done anything wrong," Florian stated, breaking the silence before the brunette glanced across at him.

"You don't know what I've done in the past," she responded in tears. "You would hate me if you knew about my past Florian. I hate myself for what I have done," she whispered, remaining perfectly still while he moved closer to her, hating seeing her so upset.

"With Mr Grove?" Florian asked quietly as Josie looked down at her lap, clearly ashamed.

"Florian," Josie whispered, disgusted by Florian saying the other man's name.

"One day Josie, I hope that you will trust me enough to let me understand what has upset you," Florian admitted as tears ran down her cheeks. She wanted to tell him but she also didn't want him to be disgusted by her past behaviour.

"It has nothing to do with trust Florian, I trust you more than anyone else," Josie admitted quietly. "I don't want you to be disgusted. I don't want to lose you, I don't want you to look at me in disgust and embarrassment because of what I have done in the past," she finally admitted as he reached across and found her hand, squeezing it tightly as she continued to look away. "It would kill me to lose you forever Florian, I can't lose you completely."

"You won't lose me," Florian promised. "I want to understand, I want to know why you have been so upset recently. I want to understand why you thought your only option was to consume a whole bottle of sleeping pills and to end your life," he admitted, no longer being restrained in his responses. He hoped that she would begin to trust him, to begin to feel like she could confide in him when she was ready. "When you're ready Josie, I will be here with a cup of tea and ready to listen."

_Collecting the letter that had been delivered, Josie stared at the familiar handwriting that decorated the envelope before she entered her living room and sat down. He had written. Roger had actually written to her. Opening the envelope quickly, Josie removed the letter before smiling to herself at actually receiving a letter from her lover. Staring down at his neat handwriting, Josie began to read, a small smile remaining on her face as she bit into her lip while reading the letter. His first line was an apology, apologising for what he had done and how he had behaved, for hurting her and threatening her. Brushing away a stray tear, Josie's smile continued to grow as she took in his description of how much he was missing her and his desperation to return to London and to her._

_"Oh Roger," Josie said quietly to herself, holding onto the letter tightly as she smiled to herself. Roger was missing her, Roger wanted to come back to her already, Roger was sorry about his behaviour towards her. Folding the letter perfectly, Josie slowly pressed a kiss to the paper before shutting her eyes. She was sorry for upsetting him the night that he had left, for threatening to tell his wife about their affair. "My Roger," Josie whispered to herself, comforted by his letter. Roger still loved her. Her Roger still loved her and wished to be with her._

Staring at the woman who was lying fast asleep beside him, Florian sighed as he stood up and slowly lifted her into his arms. He was used to her falling asleep quickly. She was still weak and her body was trying desperately to recover. Feeling Josie move and rest her head against his chest, Florian sighed as he carried her up the stairs before opening the door to her bedroom with his foot and stepping inside.

"You are far too light," Florian commented, knowing that he was the only one who could hear, before he rested her carefully on the bed. Moving slowly, Florian sighed before he slowly removed her shoes, knowing that she wouldn't be completely comfortable with the idea of him taking them off her but also aware that she wouldn't be comfortable sleeping with them on before draping the blanket over her body. "I will see you in the morning," the Belgian commented, leaning down to press a kiss to her forehead before stopping when she groaned and opened her eyes to stare up at him. "Did I wake you?" he asked quietly, smiling weakly when she shook her head.

"I never seem to stop sleeping," Josie commented as he laughed.

"Your body is clearly trying to tell you something," Florian smiled as he sat down beside her. "You need to start eating properly too Josie," he added as she groaned, her eyes shutting as he watched her.

"I am eating more," Josie responded immediately.

"More still doesn't mean properly, it just means you are actually eating something now," he declared as she slowly opened her eyes to look at him before a small smile began to grow on her face. He really was wonderful and he did seem to care about her. "I'm sorry, I don't want to boss you around," he said quietly before she shook her head, reaching across for his hand nervously while he moved closer, watching as she sat up slowly. "You are a grown woman, you don't need me to tell you what to do with your life."

"I'm just not used to someone caring about me," Josie admitted as she slowly rested her hand on his cheek. "I'm not good at letting people into my life anymore," she finally said, shocked that she was being this open.

"I do care about you," Florian said quietly, not knowing what else to say as she nodded, keeping her hand on his cheek as she moved closer to him, her breathing slowing as she stared at him. "You don't have to be alone anymore," he whispered as his free hand moved to her cheek while she continued to watch him. "I'm here, you're not alone Josie. You don't have to do this alone anymore," Florian mumbled as she moved again.

"I don't want to hurt you," she whispered.

"I can look after myself," he responded, their eyes locking as their fingers laced together.

"I ruin everything, I have destroyed every good thing in my life," Josie declared quickly as he shook his head at her comment. "I don't want to hurt you too Florian," Josie mumbled, still watching him as he gently pressed a kiss to her forehead.

"It hurts me when you push me away when all I want is to be here, with you," Florian said quietly, smiling weakly at her as her fingers brushed across his cheek. "Josie you know how I feel towards you," he whispered, remaining close to her as she bit into her lip. "You know that I love you," he declared. "And nothing will change how I feel."

"You don't know about my life, everything that I have done," she whispered.

"It won't change my feelings towards you. The woman who is sat here, the woman who welcomed me into her home when I had no where else in the world to go, the woman who bought me a violin and sits through every performance is the woman I am in love with and nothing you say will change that," he promised as she remained still. "We have all made mistakes in the past but they help make us the people we are today."

"You love me?" Josie asked quietly as he laughed and nodded.

"I love you," he smiled as she stared at him, still clinging onto his hand. "Josie Mardle, I love you. I thought that was one thing we were completely certain of."

"You really love me?" Josie questioned again.

"Yes," he responded. "I love you."

"Me?" she asked again as he nodded.

"Yes, you Josie," he answered. "And that's not going to change," he promised as she leant in to him, her eyes locking onto his as he remained still. "Trust me," he whispered, falling silent as she nodded and rested her forehead against his. "You should get some sleep," Florian whispered after a few moment silence, neither of them wanting to move away from each other.

"Tomorrow," Josie said quietly.

"Tomorrow?" Florian questioned.

"Tomorrow, I want to tell you the truth," Josie admitted as he nodded, smiling weakly before moving away and watching as she lay back down on the bed while he stood up. "Be patient with me," Josie whispered.

"However long it takes, I'll be there," he promised, leaning down to press a kiss to her forehead before he left the room, shutting the door behind him while Josie bit into her lip.

She was not going to lose him too, not when he had come back for her.

**Review?**

**I most certainly didn't plan for this chapter to go this way but this is what the brain wanted to do and I think it's time for DuMardle to start fixing itself. **


	15. Chapter 15

**Thank you for your wonderful reviews, they are truly fantastic.**

**I hope you enjoy this chapter and review.**

Florian knew that she was worried about talking to him. He had been in the bedroom adjacent to hers and had heard her pacing throughout the night while he'd been trying to sleep. Climbing out of the bed, Florian sighed as he moved towards the door and walked out of his room before approaching her door. He wanted her to be comfortable when she told him the truth. He didn't want her to feel pressured, he wanted her to feel like she could trust him and feel able to talk to him about anything that upset her. Knocking gently on her bedroom door, Florian sighed before he slowly opened the door, smiling weakly at the sight of Josie sat on the window seat, her arms wrapped around her knees as she continued to look out at the pouring rain in silence.

"Would you like a cup of tea?" Florian asked from the doorway as she glanced across at him, smiling weakly at him while he continued to watch her.

"Come and sit with me," Josie whispered as he nodded, shutting the door behind him before he approached the seat and sat down opposite her. She looked tired but she was beginning to look healthier, a lot less like the ghost he'd returned too. "Did I disturb you last night?" Josie asked, already aware that Florian would have heard her pacing if he had been awake during the night.

"Not too much," he responded. "Are you sure you don't want a cup of tea?" he asked quietly, knowing that was how they started most mornings. She would have a cup of tea in bed and they would discuss something, usually a topic that wouldn't relate back to her being unwell or their relationship. He enjoyed the time they spent alone together, even if she continued to refuse any chance of a relationship. He knew that she wanted to talk to him; that was why she had invited him to sit down and was refusing the tea. "Mr Grove was the man who hurt you, wasn't he?" Florian asked quietly, not surprised when she immediately looked up at him like she was shocked he knew. "I heard you Josie, I heard the two of you arguing," he explained as she nodded slowly, remaining silent as he reached across and took hold of one of her hands while she stared at him. "You were in a relationship with Mr Grove?" Florian asked as she nodded once again.

"Twelve years," Josie admitted, noticing the surprise that appeared on Florian's face.

"Before he married Mrs Grove?" Florian asked.

"Yes," Josie whispered before biting into his lip. "Florian," Josie mumbled as she forced herself to look at him, knowing that she had to see his reaction. "I was in a relationship with him when he was married to his first wife," she admitted quietly, amazed when he just nodded slowly, no hint of disgust appearing on his features. "I know it was wrong but he told me that he was going to leave her and then they found out that she was was ill and he had to take care of her. He couldn't just leave her for me when she was dying" Josie blurted out, desperately trying to justify her past behaviour as Florian smiled weakly.

"This isn't what's upset you though, is it?" Florian asked as she shook her head again, tears appearing in her eyes while he squeezed her hand again. "Come here Josie," the musician whispered, moving slightly in the window seat as she changed position, resting in between his legs as he slowly led her to rest against his chest.

"Why aren't you disgusted?" Josie asked quietly, her voice almost silent as he looked down at her. "I had an affair with a married man. I was in a relationship with him while his wife was dying," Josie whispered, her hands shaking in worry as he continued to hold one in a desperate need to support her. "I am a horrible person," Josie concluded, Florian's head shaking before he gently pressed a kiss into her hair.

"Because you were in love with him?" Florian asked. "It doesn't change how I feel towards you," he admitted, pressing another kiss into her hair while tears continued to run down her cheeks. "You were in love, you believed that you would one day be together. You didn't want to hurt her, you didn't purposely enter a relationship with him to hurt his wife. You weren't the one married to her Josie," Florian explained, keeping her close as it continued to heavily rain outside. "I have no reason to be disgusted with your behaviour Josie."

"He always told me that when his wife died, he would marry me. I know that sounds horrible but she was so ill, he couldn't leave her. He cared for her and I wouldn't have wanted him to abandon her when she needed him there but he promised me that when she could no longer be hurt by our relationship he would marry me," Josie whispered, her fingers lacing with Florian's while she remained still in his arms, enjoying the safety they provided. "His wife died five years ago, I thought he would finally marry me. I found out from Kitty Hawkins that he had asked Doris to marry him," Josie admitted as the musician continued to watch her, hating Mr Grove even more as she went into more detail. "He told me that he wanted to have children, that he was now scared of never having children," she sobbed, her free hand moving to her abdomen, the action not going unmissed by the Belgian. "He said we could carry on and it disgusted me because I was never going to be more than his mistress. I don't think he ever wanted to marry me. I doubt he even loved me sometimes."

"Why has this started upsetting you now?" Florian asked quietly, not knowing what else to say. He wanted to strangle Mr Grove, he wanted the man to feel the pain that he had put Josie through. He hated him with every fibre of his being for hurting the woman who was currently sobbing in his arms. He was protective of her, he loved her and he couldn't understand why Mr Grove had behaved in such a way towards her. Feeling her tense in his arms, Florian realised that Josie was beginning to regret talking to him. "Josie?" Florian asked quietly, her head shaking as she climbed off the window seat and moved towards her bed. "Josie please, don't shut me out," he begged, moving towards her as she began to shake her head.

"No," Josie responded. "I need to go for a walk," Josie muttered as he glanced across at the window, taking in the miserable weather. She couldn't seriously be planning to walk in the pouring rain.

"Josie, it's horrible outside," Florian responded, watching as she walked out of the room. If she left the house he couldn't really go chasing after her, she was fully dressed while he was still in his night clothes with no shoes on. "Please Josie, just sit down for a while," he begged, walking down the stairs after her as she began to approach the front door, pulling her coat on as she shook her head. She needed fresh air. She needed a moment alone. "Josie," Florian sighed, the brunette turning to face him before she left.

"I won't be gone long, I just need some time to myself," she whispered, opening the door slowly before she stepped outside into the rain. Hearing the door open behind her as she stepped into the rain, shock covered the brunette's face when she watched Florian walk out of the house in his pyjamas. "Florian, you'll freeze," she responded, suddenly worried for his health. He would get ill if he came after her with no proper clothes on in this weather.

"I don't want you to go alone Josie," he stated, getting even more drenched as he stared at her. "Stay here for a while, let me get dressed and then we'll go for a walk together," he continued as she remained still, amazed that he was currently standing outside in this weather out of concern for her. "It would take me only five minutes to change," he added, holding his hand out towards her as she glanced down at it before looking up at him again. "You and I are in this together."

"You and I?" Josie asked as he nodded, his smile growing as he continued to watch her.

"Yes, you and I. You can push me away if you want Josie but I will still be here," Florian explained as she remained silent. "I care for you and I want to spend time with you, that's why we're here together," he said quickly, his body beginning to shake from the cold as she slowly moved towards him and took hold of his hand. Wrapping his fingers around hers, Florian led her towards him before his arm snuck around her waist and led her into the house.

"You will make yourself sick," Josie whispered, her voice full of concern as they stood in the hallway together, both drenched from the rain.

"Then we will be unwell together," he responded as a large smile began to appear on her face. This was the first time he had seen her properly smile since he had returned from Manchester and he couldn't help but enjoy it. "Promise me you'll stay here while I get dressed," he begged as she nodded slowly, knowing that he would come after her if she left without him.

"I promise," Josie agreed, smiling weakly when he stepped away and disappeared up the stairs to get dressed.

_"Josie," Roger called after her as she left the shop, buttoning up her coat as she began to walk home. Hearing footsteps behind her, Josie sighed as she turned her head to see the redhead running towards her, a nervous look covering his face when he finally reached her. "Josie, why didn't you tell me you were thinking of returning to work?" Roger questioned as he stood in the street with her, staring at her as she shook her head at him._

_"I don't have to run every decision I make passed you Roger," Josie stated before continuing to walk, aware that he was following her. "You weren't here anyway. You were on holiday, I was alone in my house and I thought I might as well return to work and start doing something with my days other than crying and feeling alone," she explained, her voice full of frustration as she wrapped her arms around her body. "How was the holiday? Did you have a lovely time with your wife and the family?" Josie asked, forcing a smile onto her face as she looked across at Roger to see him shaking his head at her._

_"Josie, why are you doing this?" Roger asked. "I wrote to you, I told you I'm sorry for how I behaved," he began as she began to shake her head at him. "I am sorry for my behaviour Josie, it was wrong of me to act like that and to hurt you," he admitted as she groaned before continuing her journey home. "You worried me Josie, saying that you were going to tell my wife about us."_

_"I just want us to be together, I want us to be happy," Josie admitted quietly, turning to face Roger as he remained silent. "She gets to have you, she gets to see you nearly every night and call you her husband while I'm sat in an empty house alone, lucky if I see you once a week."_

_"I'll try harder. I will come every single Tuesday," he declared, taking hold of her hand as she stared at him. "We'll go places together Josie. Performances, dinner, walks," he announced, moving closer to her before he pressed a kiss to her forehead. "I'll treat you better, you deserve so much better than how I've been behaving towards you recently," Roger explained, his voice crumbling as she wrapped her arms around him and rested her forehead against his shoulder. "We'll start doing things that couples do."_

_"You say that Roger but you will always be looking over your shoulder, making sure that there isn't anyone you know around before you hold my hand or touch me," Josie stated, knowing that he would never go anywhere with her. The only place they could go was her home. It was the only place that they could truly be a couple and she hated that. The one relationship she had was confined to one building. "If I asked you to come around tonight, would you?" Josie asked quietly, glancing up at him as he opened his mouth to speak before falling silent. "Good night Mr Grove, I will see you on Tuesday," Josie said quietly, giving in as she leant up and pressed a kiss to his cheek. "I love you Roger," she whispered before gently pressing a kiss to his lips._

_"I will try and make an excuse Josie, I'll come around tomorrow night," Roger insisted as she stared at him, knowing better than to completely believe his promise. "Would you like me to walk you home?" he asked, not surprised when she shook her head._

_"No thank you, you should return to your wife before she starts questioning where you are," Josie stated before she smiled weakly and began to walk in the direction of her home, leaving Roger standing alone on the pavement._

"You are the reason why I started remembering," Josie admitted as they stood at the top of a hill together, taking in the view as the rain continued. Turning her head to look at him as shock began to appear on his face, Josie remained silent before she wrapped her arms around her chest. They had walked in silence, neither of them aware of where they were planning on going but enjoying the countryside and ignoring the horrid weather that was soaking their clothes. "That day you walked with me to work," Josie began quietly, remembering how happy they had been that morning. "When I gave you the money and you kissed my cheek, Roger saw," Josie admitted, immediately noticing the change in Florian's face.

"And he said something, didn't he? Something that made you begin to doubt us," Florian blurted out, his anger obvious as Josie nodded slowly. "What did he say?" he asked.

"That I was an old fool and you were using me for my money," Josie whispered.

"And you believed him?" Florian declared, hurt more now than he had been when he had left London because she didn't want to be with him. "You believed that I was only with you for money?" he asked quietly, feeling betrayed by her as tears began to run down her cheeks while she shook her head. Moving towards him, Josie reached out to rest her hand on his shoulder, remaining still when he stepped away from her, clearly disgusted by her.

"I didn't believe him," Josie began. "I know that you weren't with me for my money, I gave you the money, you didn't even want it," Josie explained as he continued to stare at her, clearly hurt. "I never believed that you were using me," Josie insisted, desperately trying to convince him as he remained silent. "Do you want the truth?" Josie asked quickly, not knowing what else to do. She was not going to let Roger Grove take him away from her, she was not going to let him think that she didn't trust Florian when he was the only person that she did. "He made me realise that I would never be enough for you," Josie stated as he stared at her. "I am old and I have no future to give you," Josie declared.

"You are not old Josie, your age does not matter to me. I don't even care that you are older than me. It doesn't change how I feel towards you. I would love you if you were older than me, the same age or younger," he responded immediately, clearly frustrated as she stared at him, both of them standing apart. "And as for us having no future."

"You would never have children if you stayed with me Florian," Josie whispered.

"It doesn't matter to me."

"It would matter to you one day Florian. You would leave me to have children with someone younger, just like he did," Josie explained as he shook his head, hating how she saw him.

"I am not Roger Grove. I am in love with the woman who is currently stood in front of me, soaking wet and who has made some unbelievably stupid decisions recently, I'm aware that we won't have a family but that still doesn't change my feelings towards you," Florian stated as she stared at him in shock. "You have let some jealous, angry man into your head and have ended something that made you happy because of him."

"I know what it is like to want to have a baby," Josie whispered as he fell silent, watching her as she began to pace. "I know how consuming that desperation is," Josie admitted as he continued to watch her, taking in every movement as she shook her head. "You think that it's something you don't want and then you suddenly do. It consumes you, takes over and you want nothing else," Josie explained.

"You wanted to have a baby with him?" Florian asked quietly, falling silent when Josie looked across at him in tears.

"I did have a baby with him."

**And I'm going to be horrible and leave it there.**

**Please review, it means the world to me and your responses have been so fantastic recently. I don't lie when I say that every review I receive makes me smile and my wonderful friend Jess can back me up on that as she's normally with me when I get them.**

**Next chapter should be up either tomorrow or the next day.  
**


	16. Chapter 16

**Hello again for another long chapter, I am getting good at these long chapters.**

**Thank you for the wonderful response to the last few chapters, you are all truly wonderful and the best reviewers in the world. We need to spread the DuMardle love because they're the most perfect couple.**

_"I did have a baby with him."_

"You had a baby with him?" Florian asked quietly as Josie nodded slowly, her arms wrapping around her body as she bit into her lip. She could see the shock on his face at her admition, he was probably horrified by her, he was probably trying to think of a way of getting away from her as quickly as possible. "Josie," Florian whispered, her head shaking as she stepped away, the younger man watching her movements as she clearly began to start shaking. "Josie, let's go inside, you are cold," he responded, shocking her by his request as she looked up at him in confusion. "Let's go back to the house and have some tea, you can change clothes," he suggested, moving towards her as she continued to watch him. Why wasn't he walking away from her? Why hadn't he left her? "I think we should go back now, we have been standing in the rain for far too long," he said quietly, his hand resting on her arm as he smiled at her. "Let's go back to the house," the musician insisted as she nodded slowly. He was clearly trying to change the subject. He was trying to ignore what she had told him, that was why he was insisting they returned to the house immediately. He wanted to get into the house and escape from her, pretend that she hadn't told him. Resting his hand on her back, Florian slowly began to lead her down to the hill as she remained silent, still shaking beside him because of her drenched clothing. As the house began to appear in the distance, Josie sighed as the younger man stepped away from her before walking towards the house ahead of her. He clearly couldn't even bare to be close to her now, she thought to herself as he unlocked the door and held it open for her. "Go and get changed Josie," Florian stated as she nodded slowly, entering the house before she walked up the stairs in silence. Entering her room, Josie quickly shut the door before tears began to run down her cheeks. He hated her, he must hate her. How couldn't he hate her? She had had a child by another man, who had not been her husband. She had kept secrets from him. He was probably beginning to realise that she wasn't the woman that he had originally fallen in love with.

_"You're being taken for a fool, Miss Mardle. An old fool."_

Shutting her eyes, Josie breathed out before she forced herself to open her eyes and begin to unbutton the white shirt that she was wearing. She couldn't stop her hands from shaking and she was only just starting to realise how cold she actually was. Throwing the drenched material onto the floor, Josie slowly undid her skirt before stepping out of it and wrapping her arms around her shaking frame.

_"You're asking if I have fallen in love with you?"_

"Stop it," Josie whispered as tears began to run down her cheeks. She had to stop this, she had to stop doing this! He didn't love her anymore, she disgusted him. She was the woman who had slept with a married man, had given birth to that man's child. She wasn't the woman Florian should love. He deserved a woman who was younger, perfect and could give him everything that he would ever want. He did not need to be in a relationship with an old fool like her, and he was surely beginning to realise that now. He wouldn't want her now that he knew.

_"I miscarried."_

"Stop it," Josie hissed, finding a new outfit in the wardrobe as her hands began to shake more. This had to stop. Why wouldn't it leave her alone? Pulling the new shirt blouse on over her body, Josie bit into her lip as she attempted to button it, failing as her hands began to shake even more. "Stop it, please stop it," Josie sobbed, resting her head against the wardrobe door as the tears got worse. She wanted it to stop. She wanted everything to stop. It had to stop. She couldn't keep doing this. She wanted it all to go away. "Please stop," Josie begged, her tears getting worse as she continued to rest her head against the wooden door, unable to control her emotions anymore.

_"We're going to have a baby, an actual tiny baby Roger."_

She hated herself, she hated her mind. Collapsing on the floor, Josie continued to cry as she covered her face with her hands. She wanted to hide. She wanted to disappear. She didn't want to face Florian again. She didn't want to see the disgust on his face. She didn't want him to look at her like that. Continuing to shake as she sat on the floor, Josie bit into her lip as she heard footsteps in the room next door. Florian was probably getting dressed, removing the weak clothes that had been soaked through and revealed his perfect figure. Shaking her head at the memory, Josie shut her eyes as she tried to think of something else, anything else. She couldn't think about Florian when he was going to eventually leave her and she couldn't keep thinking about the baby that she would never have.

_"I should have been stronger, I should have been stronger for you. I'm sorry that I wasn't strong enough, my little boy."_

"No," Josie hissed, trying to block out the image of her dead son in her arms. She wanted it to go away, she wanted it to stop. She didn't want to think about her son, she didn't want to remember. She didn't want to think about how perfect he had been in her arms, how lifeless he had been. He had been like a doll in her arms. The perfect child. "Stop it," Josie shouted at herself, not surprised when she heard Florian running next door before a loud knock ran through her room from the door.

"Josie," Florian called out. "Josie, can I come in?"

_"Your baby died a couple of days ago Josie."_

No she wasn't going to think about it, she was not going to let it in again.

_"Your baby died a couple of days ago Josie."_

"Josie," Florian said again from the other side of the door, aware that her sobs were getting louder while Josie continued to sit by her wardrobe, completely distraught. "Josie, I am going to come in," Florian admitted as she remained unresponsive, barely hearing him.

_"Your baby died a couple of days ago Josie."_

_"Your baby died a couple of days ago Josie."_

_"Your baby died a couple of days ago Josie."_

She didn't even hear the door open. She wasn't even aware he was in the room until he had sat down beside her.

"Josie," Florian whispered as he stared at her while she continued to sob beside him, barely dressed and shaking. "Josie, look at me," Florian responded, trying to sound strong as he moved his hand to rest on her cheek. "Please look at me," he said quietly, gently turning her head so she was looking at him in tears. "You're shaking Josie," he commented, glancing down at her figure as she remained silent. Staring at her in silence, Florian watched her for a moment before he slowly removed his shirt before staring at her. "Please, let me put this on you Josie," Florian responded quietly as she continued to be unresponsive. "You don't have to say anything, just let me," he whispered, smiling weakly when she moved her arms and allowed him to help her into his shirt, which seemed massive on her small frame.

_"You're baby died a couple of days ago Josie."_

Florian didn't miss her hand clenching suddenly, almost like she was in agony. He didn't miss the increase in tears as she turned away from him. It was like she was ashamed of something and terrified for him to see her face. Moving to sit in front of her, Florian smiled at her, trying to remain positive as he rested his hand on her cheek, stopping her from looking away as tears continued to run down her cheeks. Using his thumb, Florian slowly brushed some away as Josie remained silent.

"I think we should go downstairs and sit in front of the fire, it's freezing," Florian smiled, trying desperately to remain strong. He wanted to look after her but he was also guessing that she was terrified about something. "Warm fire, cup of tea," Florian began as he lent forward, not surprised when she suddenly tensed and attempted to move away but failing because of the wardrobe behind her. "I'm only going to do up the shirt Josie, I want you to be warm," he explained quietly, his hand moving to the buttons as she glanced down and watched him do the shirt up. "Let's go downstairs," he suggested, standing up slowly before he held his hand out towards her.

_"I could have died last week Roger, I could have bled to death and you probably wouldn't have been any wiser."_

Breathing quickly at the memory, Josie continued to sit on the floor as she began to panic. Florian couldn't know. He couldn't know anymore. He would be disgusted if he learnt anything else. Noticing the sudden change in breathing, Florian knelt down in front of her before leaning forward and pressing a kiss into her damp hair, Josie sobbing at the gentle touch.

"Please Josie, come downstairs and get warm for a while," Florian whispered as she nodded, allowing him to take hold of her hand before supporting her onto her feet. Wrapping an arm around her body, Florian slowly led her out of the bedroom as she continued to remain silent beside him, her body shaking as they walked down the stairs together. "We shouldn't have gone walking in the rain Josie, we'll be cold for ages," Florian commented as they entered the living room, Josie smiling weakly as he led her towards a chair that was near the fire. "Sit down, wrap yourself up warm, I'll be back in a second," Florian smiled, finding the nearest blanket as she sat down and took it from him, wrapping it around her body while he continued to watch her, taking in how nervous she was. "Try and relax," Florian added before he walked out of the living room, leaving Josie alone. She wanted to relax. She wanted to stop shaking and smile and laugh, she wanted more than anything to just enjoy his company and the time away from work. Glancing down at the shirt she was wearing, Josie felt a small smile appear on her face as she enjoyed the warmth and security it provided. It smelt like him, which felt strange to admit, and it provided her with some comfort to feel like she was in his arms even without him even being there. Shutting her eyes for a moment as she allowed herself to try and relax into the chair, Josie bit into her lip as she took in the warmth of the fire and the blanket. Why was he trying to look after her? Why hadn't he just run away like everyone else?

"Josie?" Florian's voice questioned, her eyes opening to see him standing in front of her with a cup of tea in his hands. "Tea," he smiled as she nodded slowly, taking the warm cup from him before resting back in silence. "I have made drunk more tea since moving to London than ever before in my life," Florian commented, beaming when Josie laughed gently at the comment.

"I'm not surprised Florian," Josie admitted nervously, resting the cup down on a nearby table after taking a small sip of the hot liquid while the room fell silent.

"Would you like to talk about…?" he began before falling silent, confusion covering her face. Was he asking her to talk about her son? Sighing, Florian knelt down in front of her before taking hold of her hand and squeezing it gently. "Would you tell me about your baby?" he asked quietly as she continued to stare at him. "I would like to know."

"You want to know about my baby?" she asked quietly as he nodded, smiling at her as she continued to watch him. Why would he want to know about her son? He should be packing and leaving her, not doing this. "Why would you want to know?"

"Because your baby is a part of you, a part of the woman I love," he declared as she bit into her lip. "I want you to feel comfortable talking to me about your past Josie and I want to know, I want to understand why you have been hiding things from me and why it has hurt you like it has done recently," he explained, continuing to hold her hand tightly as she continued to watch him. Florian wanted to know about her baby? "If you're not comfortable talking about your baby, that's fine."

"You're the first person I've ever told that I had a baby," Josie blurted out as shock covered Florian's face. "Roger, the midwife, the doctor and the woman who lived next door to me were the only people who ever knew about my son," Josie said quietly, horrified that her own son had been a hushed up secret, like he was something she was ashamed of.

"You've never told anyone that you had a baby?" Florian asked as Josie shook her head, tears running down her cheeks as she remembered the dark haired child she'd held in her arms. "Josie," he whispered, moving quickly as she began to break down in tears. Moving in the chair, Josie allowed Florian to sit down before he gently pulled her onto his lap and cradled her close, the blanket now draped around them. "Please don't cry," he mumbled into her hair as she shut her eyes.

"I was never ashamed of him," Josie whispered as Florian nodded.

"You had a little boy," Florian commented as Josie nodded. "Tell me about him. What did he look like?" he asked, trying to calm her down as he continued to hold her close.

"He had dark hair, like mine," Josie whispered, a small smile decorating her face at the memory of how perfect he had been. "He was so tiny. I went into labour early, two weeks," Josie said quietly, paling as Florian continued to watch her. "I never saw his eyes," Josie whispered as Florian laced his fingers with hers, confusion covering his face as Josie looked up at him and bit into her lip. "I'd been pregnant before," Josie blurted out, knowing that she would probably end up confusing Florian.

"Josie," Florian whispered.

"I miscarried. I'd just told Roger, he wasn't happy when I told him. I went home and before we could talk about it again I'd lost the baby," Josie explained quickly, her hands beginning to shake again. "The second time, I made it to nearly full term. I had felt my baby kick, I was excited, I wanted to be a mother and Roger wanted this baby completely. We were going to be happy."

"And what happened?" Florian asked quietly.

"No one knows. My baby died, they thought, three days before I gave birth," Josie sobbed as Florian shut his eyes. This was worse than he had ever imagined. "I had severe bleeding and was unconscious after giving birth, I nearly died and Roger ran away. The moment he found out our baby was dead, he ran, he didn't even stay to find out whether I would make it," Josie admitted, feeling Florian tense in anger while she continued to share at their entwined fingers. "I woke up a couple of hours later and found out my son was dead and the man who apparently loved me had disappeared."

"I'm sorry," Florian mumbled, knowing that his apology would never make things better.

"I held him, I held his tiny body in my arms," Josie whispered in tears, completely pale as he continued to hold her close to him. "He was so perfect and beautiful," Josie explained, resting her head against his shoulder as Florian continued to watch her. "And then I learnt that there had been too much damage from the labour," she admitted as he stared at her. It couldn't get any worse, could it? "I couldn't have anymore children."

"Josie," Florian said quietly, not knowing what else to say as he held her close. She had done all of that alone and never told anyone but Mr Grove. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry," the musician whispered into her hair as she sobbed silently, still amazed that she had told someone about her son. "You are the strongest person I know," he said quietly as she shook her head.

"I haven't felt particularly strong recently," Josie admitted as he moved, resting his hand on her cheek so she was looking at him.

"You are allowed to have moments of weakness but you are so strong, you have been so strong," Florian insisted as she stared at him, tears running down her cheeks. "Never let anyone tell you that you are weak or a fool, you are so strong."

"Why aren't you running away?" Josie asked quickly. "Why haven't you left me? Why aren't you disgusted?" she continued to question. "Why aren't you horrified? I had an affair with someone, I am broken. I could never physically have children, my body doesn't work," she blurted out before she climbed off his lap, standing up in front of the chair dressed only in his shirt.

"You think I'd leave you because of this Josie?" Florian questioned, standing up slowly as she remained perfectly still in front of him. "I have never wanted to leave you. Not when you started to push me away, not even when I went to Manchester and I most definitely do not want to leave you right now. I want to spend my life with you," he declared as she continued to watch him, her arms wrapping around her body as he continued to watch her. Why did she keep thinking that he was going to leave her? He was the one who had wanted to stay, she was the one who had been pushing him away from her. "I understand that you have been hurt in the past, I understand more than ever, but I want to be there. I want to wake up beside you everyday and sleep next to you every night," he explained as she bit into her lip.

"I'll never give you children and one day you will want them," Josie immediately argued as he shook his head and slowly walked towards her.

"The future is full of what ifs Josie," Florian whispered as he moved his hand to the small of her back while she glanced up at him. "Sometimes you have to take a risk in order to be happy," he said quietly as she stared up at him. "Life is about taking chances," Florian continued as she remained silent, trying to process what he was saying. She had already taken one risk when it came to love. She had spent twelve years in a relationship with a married man who had abandoned her at the first chance of having a child with someone else, could she risk it again just because of some feelings they both had? "I just want you to be happy Josie."

_"You're asking if I have fallen in love with you?"_

"You're not disgusted by me?" Josie asked quietly as he shook his head, smiling at her as she nervously moved her hand to his cheek.

"There is nothing disgusting about you Josie," he responded as she bit into her lip. "And the idea that you are an old fool who is broken is the most stupid idea I have ever heard," he declared as she continued to keep her hand on his cheek,unable to stop herself from brushing her thumb across his cheek like she had done the second time they had kissed. "You are not broken, you will never be broken to me," he insisted as his hand tighten around her, the fingers tightening around the shirt she was wearing as she bit into her lip, suddenly feeling very exposed. "And you will never be an old fool Josie," he declared, her body close to his as she continued to stare up at him. "I know that he hurt you, I know that you were hurt badly and I hate him more than ever right now but you need to start believing that you deserve to be happy."

"Florian," Josie whispered.

"I think you're punishing yourself, you've been made to feel like you don't deserve to be loved but you do. You deserve to be happy Josie and to have a future where you have someone to be with, you don't have to lock yourself away in your room and be alone," he said quickly as she remained silent, still watching him. "Please stop punishing yourself because you feel like you have done something wrong," the musician finally begged as she brushed her thumb across his cheek again. "You deserve, more anyone, to be loved and happy."

_"How could he have been so wrong? You, of all people, deserve to be loved."_

Moving closer to him as his arm tightened around her body, Josie slowly moved her other hand to his free cheek before she bit into her lip nervously. He was really wonderful and she didn't deserve someone like him. Leaning up, Josie slowly moved her lips closer to his as he watched her in amazement, their breathing slowing as she moved one of her hands to rest on the back of his head.

"Florian," Josie whispered before she slowly allowed herself to move her lips to his, the kiss quickly deepening as he tightened his arms around her, Josie finally surrendering to her feelings.

**I am not happy with this chapter but hopefully you will enjoy it. I'm a bit worried that it went too fast at the end but again, it's you who are reading this story so let me know your thoughts.**

**Please review, it means the world to me and I do like to know what you think.**


	17. Chapter 17

**I'm an awful person for updating so late but I've been on holiday and the internet was rubbish but the holiday was fantastic! Anyway, I've also had writers block as well so it's taken me forever to come up with an idea to write next, so if it's awful I apologise, I've kind of got myself stuck so if there is anything you would like to see in the future in this story, please tell me.**

**Dedicated to my wonderful friend Percy who I've missed over my holiday.**

"Josie?" Florian asked as he knocked on her bedroom door, smiling at the silence before he stepped inside and approached her bed. He knew that she would probably not be happy with him for waking her up so early in the morning when it was still dark outside and she was sleeping properly for the first time but he wanted her to start enjoying her life and this was the first thing he was going to make her do. "Josie," he called out again, hearing a small moan from the bed before she leant across and turned the lamp on, her body quickly turning to face him as she remained curled up underneath the blanket that was draped across her body.

"Florian?" she questioned, glancing across at the clock that sat beside the bed before staring at him again. It was two in the morning, why on earth was he waking her up? "Are you alright?" she asked, guessing that the most likely explanation was that something had disturbed him during his sleep but that didn't explain why he was fully dressed like he was about to go outside. "Florian?" Josie asked again as she moved closer to him, his smile growing as he continued to watch her. "It's two in the morning, are you going to explain why you've woken me up?" she questioned, her tone was not full of anger at being woken up but instead concern as he brushed his fingers across her cheek before pressing a kiss to her forehead while his other hand took hold of her free hand.

"Do you trust me Josie?" Florian asked quickly, confusion covering her face at his question while she stared at him. Had he really woken her up to ask her that? Was he doubting that she trusted him? Had something made him doubt her trust in him? "Josie?" he said quietly, suddenly worried as she smiled at him.

"Yes," Josie whispered as he nodded and stood up, still holding onto her hand as she stared at him. "Of course I trust you Florian," she admitted quietly, his lips gently pressing a kiss to her forehead. "You and Agnes are the two people in the world that I would trust with anything Florian, you especially," she continued as she stared up at him while he continued to hold onto her hand. "Is that why you woke me up? You were worrying that I didn't trust you?" she questioned, his head shaking as he squeezed her hand tightly.

"I want you to trust me," he smiled as she bit into her lip. "I want you to get dressed in something warm and then I want you to meet me downstairs," he explained, leaning down quietly to press another kiss to her forehead as she smiled up at him in confusion before nodding, knowing that she had to trust him. "Will you do it then?" he questioned as she nodded again, laughing when he squeezed her hand before stepping away and moving towards the door, turning around to look at her once more before he left. Hearing the door shut, Josie laughed to herself before she stood up and wrapped her arms around her chest before approaching the wardrobe, looking for something warm to wear. She didn't know what he had planned but she wanted to know because he had looked so happy when she had agreed to trust him. Finding something to wear, Josie quickly changed into the outfit before walking down the stairs and into the landing to find Florian pulling his coat on and wrapping a scarf tightly around his neck.

"Where are we going?" Josie questioned as he smiled across at her before grabbing her coat and handing it out towards her. "Are you not going to tell me?" she asked quickly, a small smile covering her face as he shook his head. Taking hold of her coat, Josie pulled it on before he passed her her scarf and hat before she finished getting dressed. "Come on, tell me where we're going Florian," Josie smiled, his hand taking hold of hers as they moved towards the front door together while he remained silent. "Florian, it's two in the morning, where are we going?" she laughed as he began to lead her away from the house and towards one of the footpaths they had walked down the previous day.

"Just trust me, this is going to be special," Florian explained as she nodded slowly, following him down the footpath as she shook her head. It was too dark to really see the path now but she knew that Florian really wanted to do this and she was enjoying his excitement. Following him in silence, Josie sighed when Florian finally stopped and turned around to face her.

"What are we doing here?" Josie questioned as he wrapped his arms around her waist, keeping her close to his body as he leant down and kissed her gently. "Florian," Josie whispered against his lips, her fingers slowly running through his hair as they stood in the dark field. "Why am I standing in a field at two in the morning?" the brunette questioned, remaining cuddled in his arms as she rested her forehead against his shoulder.

"I wanted you to enjoy the stars Josie," he whispered against her lips before kissing her again, shock covering her face when she pulled away before she looked up at the sky, taking in the stars that surrounded them. "You told me once that you haven't been on a proper holiday since you were a child and London isn't exactly the perfect place to watch the stars. I want you to start enjoying yourself Josie and I thought well, this is at least somewhere to start," he explained as he moved to sit down in the grass, Josie glancing down at him before sitting down beside him, glad that it wasn't freezing.

"You, Florian Dupont, are a romantic," Josie laughed as his arm snuck around her body, keeping her close to his body as he smiled. "And I am the luckiest woman in the world to have you in my life," she whispered, leaning towards him before stealing another quick kiss from him before she looked up at the stars again. "It's beautiful," Josie said quietly as Florian moved to lie down in the grass, her head moving to rest against his chest as they both continued to look at the sky. "Do you want to know why I agreed to allow people to live in my house?" Josie asked quietly as Florian removed her hat and began to play with her loosely pinned back hair. "Mrs Selfridge organised an event, raising money for the Belgian relief fund," the brunette explained as Florian continued to play with her hair, remaining perfectly silent as Josie smiled to herself. "I had just been left the house by my brother and I wasn't used to how empty it felt," she admitted. "There was a chocolatier there and I ate my way through quite a few Belgian chocolates and then it clicked, I realised that I could stop my house being so empty while helping other people who needed somewhere to stay."

"Belgian chocolates?" Florian repeated, unable to remove the happiness from his voice as he smiled at her. "I'm here with you because of Belgian chocolates," he smiled before they both laughed gently, her smile continuing to grow as she moved to look down at him, amazement covering her face as she stared at him. "I wish I could take you to Belgium," he whispered, his hand moving to rest on her cheek as she stared at him. "There used to be this chocolatier near my house, it did the best chocolate in the world. You would have loved it, with your soft spot for chocolate."

"Maybe one day when this war is over we could go together," Josie responded as he nodded. "I originally wrote asking for a woman to live with me because it was just Agnes and I in the house," she admitted. "When you arrived, we were both shocked, that's why I acted so bizarrely on the doorstep."

"That makes sense," Florian commented, still watching her as she smiled at him.

"We were going to ask you to leave but I couldn't send you away Florian and that was the best decision I've ever made," she explained, her fingers brushing against his cheek before she moved to rest her head against his chest again. "I remember the first time I heard you play the violin Florian. I had come home from work, you had been home alone, and you were practicing in your room. You sounded perfect, like you always do."

"You have become my greatest supporter," he admitted as he laced his fingers with hers while they both stared at the night sky, taking in the stars. "You have become one of the reasons why I love playing Josie," he whispered as she glanced up at him. "Seeing you smile when I play makes me love it more than ever," he admitted before she kissed him gently before staring at him. "You have the most beautiful smile Josie, I've missed seeing it," he commented as she bit into her lip, unable to stop herself from grinning at his admition.

"It's so beautiful," Josie commented, staring at the stars as Florian nodded in agreement. "I don't know why I've never done this before," she admitted.

"Because London is too loud to allow you to enjoy the peace and quiet," he suggested as she nodded again, her fingers playing with the buttons of his coat as she continued to enjoy the peace around them. "Do you feel like talking some more?" he asked quietly as Josie bit into her lip, suddenly feeling nervous. She knew that Florian wanted to help her, that he wanted to understand but she was worried about scaring him away. "You've told me what happened, I'm not going to leave. I just want you to be able to discuss your baby Josie."

"You want me to talk about my baby?" she asked quickly.

"I want you to talk about your baby Josie. I want you to feel like you can talk about your son with me. He is part of you, he is something you should be proud of, your son is not something that you need to feel like you have to be ashamed of," Florian promised as he moved his fingers to her hair again, trying to comfort her in some way.

"There's not much more to tell you," Josie admitted, ashamed that she had nothing more to say about her son. "I wish I had named him, I wish I had held him longer in my arms, I wish I knew where my baby was buried," she explained quickly as she remained in his arms, remembering her son's dark hair and tiny body and how he had felt in her arms for those brief moments. "He's just my baby, he has no name, no identity. He's just this tiny nobody who no one knows about."

"Why don't you name him then?" Florian asked quietly as she sat up in shock. "You must have had a name you liked, you are allowed to name your baby."

"It's been over ten years," Josie whispered.

"And losing him still hurts you," Florian responded, sitting up as well before he found her hand and held onto it tightly. "Time doesn't matter, he is your child, you have every right to give him a name."

"William was a name I always liked," Josie admitted as she sat in the grass with him.

"William, that's a lovely name," Florian commented, pressing a kiss into her dark hair.

"William Mardle," Josie whispered to herself, smiling weakly at how perfect it was for her son. The son she still loved after nearly thirteen years. "Are you really okay with this Florian?" she asked quietly as she glanced across at him. "The fact that I have had a child with another man?"

"Yes," he responded simply. "We all have a past Josie and I want you to be able to look back at yours and be proud of what you have done with your life. After everything that has happened in your past, after the way you have been treated and with everything that went wrong, you have achieved so much. You are the head of accessories in one of the greatest shops in London, you have this amazing house of your own. You have achieved so much when you could have just stayed at home, completely miserable and unable to do anything but instead you went back to work, you left Mr Grove when you could have continued your affair…"

"I rose in my career, I became the head of the department I love, but the rest of my life," Josie began, falling silent when he kissed her gently, silencing her.

"The rest of your life, I hope, is starting right here Josie," he smiled against her lips.

XOXOXOXOXOX

Stretching as she began to wake up slowly, Josie smiled as she felt his body beside hers, her smile continuing to grow when she opened her eyes and glanced across at the sleeping man beside her. He was so wonderful, he was the most wonderful person to have ever appeared in her life. He was trying to understand her, trying to comfort her and be there for her. He loved her, he understood that she wasn't ready for anything more intimate than kissing and he had been quite happy for her to curl up in his bed beside him after they had walked back from the field, hand in hand and in blissful silence. He wanted to be her future, Florian wanted to be her future and a part of her life. Feeling Florian move beside her, Josie smiled as he began to open his eyes and beamed across at her her, glad to see her lying beside him so happily.

"Good morning," Florian whispered as she nodded before leaning across and kissing him gently, unable to remove the smile that continued to grow on her face. "You look happy," he admitted as Josie nodded, her fingers lacing with his as she continued to watch him in amazement. "Josie," he began as she stared at him, his fingers brushing across her cheek as she bit into her lip. "I want this to be your new start Josie. No more Roger," he smiled as she continued to stare at him. "I don't want you to forget about your baby Josie, about William, but I want you to feel like you can end that part of your life now. I want you to be able to feel that your relationship with Roger is over, that he has no more influence over you and that you can be happy now, that you can be in a relationship with someone else and not have to worry about what anyone will think."

"It's easier said than done Florian," Josie responded as he nodded.

"I know," Florian whispered before leaning across and kissing her, the brunette smiling as she stared at him.

"Florian Dupont, Roger and I are nothing to each other anymore. We can't even stand each other. You, however, are the man I have chosen to be in a relationship with, you are my partner, the man I want to be with intimately, the man who I allowed to wake me up at two o'clock in the morning to go and look at the stars and the one person I would happily spend every morning waking up beside," she blurted out quickly, amazed at herself when she had finished her speech at her own honestly. "Wow," Josie whispered in amazement.

"Yeah, wow," Florian responded, staring at her in amazement before they both laughed gently at her speech, mainly from the shock of her sudden admition. "Let's try and do this together then," he smiled, his fingers lacing with hers as she nodded, unable to stop her smile from going as he wrapped his free arm around her and pulled her close to his body while she laughed gently. "Can we stay like this all day?" he asked, glancing down at the woman who was curled up against him.

"I think we could, I wouldn't complain if we did," Josie smiled as her fingers laced with the shirt he was wearing while he smiled at her, beginning to feel like she was starting to recover from what had happened.

**It's taken me 10 hours to write this chapter and I'm not completely happy but hopefully you enjoy it.**

**Once again, if you do have any ideas for future chapters do tell me and I will try and fit into the story, it may help me with future ideas. I think I may have them return to London in the next chapter but I'm not sure.**

**Thank you for your wonderful reviews, they do mean the world to me and they make me smile more than anything. They are fantastic and do make me write faster, especially now that I am back in the UK.**


	18. Chapter 18

**So I was wondering whether people were still interested in this story or whether you would like me to stop. I know that now is a busy time of year, especially with most people have some type of exam, but if people aren't interested in this story just let me know so I can go and work on something else that would be of greater interest.**

**Thank you to all of your wonderful reviews however, they really are fantastic and I cherish every single one of them.**

**Also to Ellie, you've been an amazing reviewer so thank you. Also, I did see Amanda Abbington's tweet and she looks gorgeous, which makes me very jealous!**

Running his fingers across the mattress, Florian sighed at the empty space beside him as he turned onto his side and looked at the space Josie usually occupied. She had been sleeping perfectly for the last week, she had been happy and like the woman she had been before everything had got to her. He was surprised to find the space beside him unoccupied, especially since it was still the early hours of the morning and there was no reason for them to be awake. Sitting up slowly, Florian smiled weakly when he noticed the figure who was sat at the end of the bed, completely still and silent.

"Josie?" Florian asked quietly, reaching across to turn on the nearby light before glancing back at her while she remained perfectly still, not even acknowledging that he was awake. "Josie, what's wrong?" he questioned, moving across the bed to sit behind her while his arms moved around her body. "Did you have a nightmare?" he asked quietly, gently pressing a kiss into her dark curls while she moved her body slightly to rest against his chest while he kept her close to his body. "Talk to me Josie, what's wrong?" he whispered, trying desperately to get her to talk. He was worried. She had been so happy recently, she had been laughing every day and listening to every practice he did on the violin, no matter what time it was. She had walked around with him as they explored the area, happily holding onto his hand and enjoying being in a relationship with him.

"I don't want to go back," Josie whispered, her voice almost silent as Florian pressed a kiss into her hair again, trying desperately to be supportive of her. "I don't want to go back to London Florian," she mumbled, turning her head to look at him as he stared at her in confusion. "I can't go back," she continued, her arms wrapping around her body as he sighed.

"I thought you'd be desperate to go back by now. Return to work, make sure that your department is still running perfectly," Florian responded as Josie slowly moved so she was facing him, his fingers brushing stray hair behind her ear while she stared up at him. "Josie, tell me why, don't shut me out," the musician begged, taking in how she was starting to shake again. "Josie, you need to calm down," he whispered, pressing a kiss to her forehead as tears began to run down her cheeks, his arm wrapping around her and pulling her close to his body. "Why don't you want to go back?" he asked quietly, holding her close as she began to sob into the thin shirt he was wearing.

"What if it all goes wrong again? What if I…" she began, remaining perfectly still against him as he shook his head. "What if I go back to London and I push you away again Florian? What if being back there, back where everything happened, with Roger there, makes me unwell again?" Josie questioned, tears running down her face as she slowly looked up at him. "What if I destroy everything we've achieved?" she questioned as he sighed, his hand cupping her cheek as he shook his head at her.

"You're not going to destroy this," he responded, kissing her quickly as she remained silent. "I understand now Josie, I understand why you were so upset, why you were acting the way you did and I'm here this time," Florian smiled while Josie shook her head, clearly terrified of returning to how she had been before they had gone away. "You are not alone anymore darling," he continued, keeping his hand against her cheek while she shook her head. "We're together now, I know about Roger and William. You don't have to keep any secrets from me," he whispered, pressing another kiss to her forehead as she smiled weakly.

"I can't lose you again," Josie admitted, her fingers tightly wrapping around the material of his shirt while he continued to keep her close. "

"You're not going to lose me Josie," he promised again, tightening his hold of her as she fell silent. "You and I, we're together now," he declared.

"We were together last time and I still managed to push you away Florian. I ruined everything," she immediately responded.

"We weren't properly together last time. We went too fast, we rushed our relationship, we weren't a couple. I didn't spend the night with you, we snuck around, we tried to keep it hidden from everyone. You wouldn't even let me near you in the house if someone else was in the room," he explained as she stared at him in silence. How was he so understanding? Why did he seem to know everything that she was thinking? "I think that made it slightly easier for you to end it because ultimately we were more casual in our relationship," he whispered, smiling at her as she continued to watch him, taking in everything he was saying. "But this time, we're together now," he explained before kissing her again. "I will be there when we get back to London. You are my partner Josie, you're not alone in this anymore."

"If I try and push you away," she began quietly.

"I will just cling on to you even tighter Josie and make sure that you don't," Florian immediately responded, a small smile covering his face as Josie stared at him. "Trust me," he whispered, smiling when she leant up and kissed him gently, her fingers running through his hair while he kept her close to him.

XOXOXOXOXOX

"You're still worried" Florian commented, approaching her slowly as she stood in front of the mirror, attempting to button up her shirt as her hands continued to shake. Although it wasn't as bad as it had been in the past, the shaking was stopping her from doing up the buttons on the white material and she couldn't help but be embarrassed by her inability to complete a basic task. Watching as she glanced down at the buttons and began to blush, Florian smiled weakly before one arm snuck around her waist, keeping her close as she glanced at their reflections in the mirror. "Please stop worrying," the musician said quietly into her hair, his free hand moving to rest on top of hers, stopping her from doing the shirt up. "I have something I want to give you," he admitted, the brunette watching him in the mirror as he stepped away for a brief moment before returning. "Shut your eyes," he whispered.

"Florian," Josie sighed, laughing gently when he glanced at her in the mirror. "Fine," she smiled, her eyes shutting before she felt his hands move and something brush against her neck before she felt Florian gently press a kiss against her hair.

"Open your eyes," Florian whispered gently, Josie's smile growing as she slowly opened her eyes and stared at the mirror, shock covering her face. "What do you think?" the Belgian asked as Josie's fingers moved to the necklace that now rested on her neck, the small pendant resting perfectly against her skin.

"Florian," Josie whispered in amazement, taking in how beautiful it looked. "How did you afford this?" she asked quietly.

"I have money Josie," Florian shrugged as she turned her head to look at him.

"Money you should spend on yourself, you have no need to buy me presents Florian," Josie insisted, falling silent, however, when he gently kissed her.

"I wanted you to have something that was just from me," he admitted as his hand moved to rest on her hip while a small smile decorated her face, her fingers still gently playing with the pendant. "Something you can wear every day, if you want too of course, and know that I'm here Josie," he explained, pressing another kiss into her curls as she continued to smile at him. "Now Miss Mardle," he whispered, his fingers moving to her buttons of her shirt to start doing them up as she continued to smile at his actions. "Your hands have stopped shaking," he smiled as she glanced up at him, responding to his statement as she gently pressed a kiss to his lips, their smiles growing at the action as she turned in his arms.

"You really shouldn't have bought me this Florian," Josie whispered, her fingers moving to rest on her shirt where it covered the pendant.

"I wanted to treat you Josie, to give you something special. It's a present for you and I want you to have it," Florian responded before kissing her again, her fingers moving through his hair as she remained close to him, unable to forget the pendant that was currently around her neck. "Are you still worried about going back to London?" he asked quietly, surprised when she began to shake her head.

"No," Josie responded before kissing him again, her smile continuing to grow. "I'm rather excited to return home with you, to our home."

"Our home?" Florian questioned as she nodded happily, her fingers brushing across his cheek while he watched in amazement.

"Our home Florian," Josie repeated before their hands moved together, their fingers lacing before he led her out of the bedroom, knowing that they needed to start getting ready to leave.

XOXOXOXOXOX

"I'm still not used to how big this house is," Josie admitted as she walked up the stairs of her home, Florian following her as she glanced around at the house. Entering her bedroom, Josie smiled as Florian placed her suitcase on the bed before sitting down and smiling at the brunette as she wrapped her arms around her body. "It's so quiet," Josie commented, smiling down at the musician as he took hold of her hand. "It belonged my brother," she explained as Florian nodded, pulling her hand gently before she moved to sit down beside him. "I used to live in this tiny house on the other side of London. It had never felt like home after," she began before falling silent, remembering the locked room of her old house that she had never entered again. Staring at her, Florian nodded as he took in the sad look that covered Josie's face before he leant across and pressed a kiss into her hair, knowing that it, to some extent, comforted her.

"Josie," Florian whispered to her, surprised that she was even discussing this without him prompting her.

"I locked the room where I lost the baby. I moved all of my furniture out of it, locked it and I never went back in there. Even after thirteen years it stayed locked. I never cleaned it, I never opened it, I pretended that it wasn't there," Josie admitted as Florian watched her in complete silence. "I want to show you something Florian," Josie whispered as he nodded again, not knowing what to say to her, as Josie stood up and moved towards her wardrobe. "I've never shown it to anyone," she admitted, kneeling down as she reached into the back of the wardrobe and pulled out a box while Florian watched her. Standing, Florian approached her before sitting down beside her on the floor, observing her as she slowly removed the lid and reached inside.

"Josie," Florian whispered, watching her as she took out a small dark book and handed it to him. "Josie?" he asked, glancing up at her as she nodded slowly, willing him to open it. Slowly opening the book, Florian smiled as Josie's familiar curled handwriting while Josie remained completely silent, taking in Florian's face as he began to read some of what she had written. "Is this?" he asked, Josie nodding slowly as she stared into the rest of the box.

"I wrote it during my pregnancy," she admitted. "Just random things. When I found out I was pregnant, when I told Roger, when I felt him kick," she explained quietly, knowing that she hadn't opened this box and looked at the book since she had lost her son. She had silently moved it into the new house, hidden it at the back of the wardrobe and continued to pretend that nothing had ever happened. Watching as he reached the final page of writing, Josie bit into her lip as Florian glanced up at her.

"Josie," he whispered, taking in the four simple words she had written on the paper.

_15th October._

_A boy._

Feeling Florian's arm wrap tightly around her body, Josie smiled weakly as she curled into his body before her fingers ran across the page. Her little boy. Her tiny little boy. Her son, William Mardle. Hearing the front door open downstairs, Josie quickly tensed before she took the book from Florian and placed it into the box, almost throwing it back into the wardrobe as footsteps were heard on the stairs.

"Josie," Florian whispered.

"I'm not ready for everyone to know," Josie explained, Florian nodded before he stood up and helped her off the floor, a nervous smile appearing on her face as she stared at him. "Thank you," Josie whispered as he wrapped his arms around her, gently kissing her before a knock at the door rang around the room. "Come in," Josie called out, moving slowly out of Florian's arms before the door opened and Agnes appeared in the doorway with a large smile on her face.

"You're both home," Agnes declared, quickly moving towards them before she wrapped her arms around Josie.

"I'll go and make tea," Florian responded as Josie nodded, watching him leave the room before Agnes stepped away from her.

"You look so much better Josie," Agnes immediately stated as the brunette laughed at the younger woman's admition. "Sorry, I don't mean that you looked bad…" she began, falling silent when Josie shook her head and moved to sit on the edge of the bed.

"I did look bad. I wasn't well Agnes and I did something really stupid," Josie admitted as Agnes watched her. "If it wasn't for you, I don't know where I would be right now," she said quietly, trying not think of what may have happened if Agnes hadn't found her when she had done. "I am better though, better than I have been in years," Josie smiled, thinking of the man who was currently making tea downstairs.

"I'm glad to hear it," Agnes responded before Josie glanced across at her.

"Now, Agnes, are you going to tell me why you are no longer wearing an engagement ring?" Josie questioned as shock covered Agnes' face. How had she noticed that? "I'm head of accessories, I noticed the little details," Josie explained as Agnes laughed, not surprised that Josie Mardle would be the one to notice her lack of ring.

"Victor and I have decided not to get married anymore," Agnes admitted as confusion covered Josie's face. She thought they were happy? They had been looking forward to getting married, she had heard of all the various plans Agnes had for her wedding day. "We realised that we weren't right for each other," she whispered.

"Mr Leclair?" Josie questioned as Agnes glanced across at her, again not completely surprised of Josie's awareness. "He is very taken with you Agnes, he always has been. You two share something special."

"He told me he loves me," Agnes admitted as Josie smiled at her. "Victor realised and we decided that we weren't right for each other."

"You have to do what makes you happy and I know that Henri will make you very happy. The way you two look at each other," Josie smiled as Agnes began to blush.

"He's gone to fight," Agnes said quietly. "He's gone to France to fight for his country," she whispered as Josie took hold of her hand, squeezing it tightly as Agnes bit into her lip. "I know I should be proud, it's something that he really wants to do. He's going to fight but I can't help but…"

"Worry about him," Josie whispered as Agnes nodded silently. "You have a brother and Henri who will both be fighting, you have a better awareness of what the conditions are actually like out there. You are allowed to be worried for their safety," she explained as she squeezed Agnes' hand again. "But they will be fine Agnes," Josie added as Agnes remained silent, smiling weakly when the door opened again and Florian walked in with the cups of tea.

"Now I want to know all about your holiday," Agnes smiled, immediately changing the conversation as Josie smiled across at the musician who was watching her with a small grin on his face.

"Well," Josie began as Florian passed them their cups of tea and smiled at her. "Florian and I," she continued, noticing the shocked look that appeared on his face as he realised what she was about to admit. "We're, well we're, together," Josie concluded as Agnes beamed, glancing across at the couple as her smile continued to grow.

"So you won't be sneaking around this time?" Agnes asked as Josie began to blush before she shook her head.

"No, we're not going to be sneaking around this time," she declared, her voice full of determination as Florian slowly took hold of her hand, squeezing it gently as she smiled.

**So are you still interested? Do you want more?**

**The next chapter- Mr Grove returns. Does this mean trouble?**


	19. Chapter 19

**Thank you for your reviews, they do mean the world to me. **

**Here's the next installment...**

"Stop it, I need to get ready for work," Josie laughed as Florian continued to press kisses to her neck, her head shaking as her smile continued to grow. He clearly wasn't listening to her and she didn't really care, enjoying being close to him and loving the experience of not getting up in the morning, hating life and only having her job to look forward too. "You need to stop or I'll never go to work and then we really will be in trouble," the brunette smiled, turning to face him as he gently brushed his fingers across her cheek while she continued to watch him with the largest smile on her face. "Florian Dupont, I need to go to work," Josie declared when his arms wrapped tightly around her body, pulling her close to him before he leant across and kissed her gently. "You're terrible," Josie smiled before he kissed her again, her head shaking when she pulled away.

"It's not my fault that I am in a relationship with the most beautiful woman in the world," he responded, her eyes rolling as he began to kiss her neck again.

"Florian you need to stop now," Josie whispered, moving out of his arms before climbing out of the bed while he rested back against the pillows, watching her in amazement. "Will you meet me after work?" Josie asked quietly as he smiled.

"I was going to walk you to work actually," he admitted as her eyebrows rose. He wanted to walk with her to work?

"Then Mr Dupont, you need to get dressed because I am now running late," Josie smiled as he nodded, climbing out of her bed before he walked towards her and pressed a kiss into her hair. "If I arrive late on my first day back at work," Josie warned as he laughed and stepped away.

"I'm going to get dressed now," he declared before walking out of the room, shutting the door behind him as Josie laughed and shook her head. She had never felt like this, felt this happy around someone else. Moving towards her wardrobe, Josie quickly began to get dressed before approaching her dressing table. Reaching for the necklace Florian had bought her, Josie put it on before her fingers played with the pendant. Hearing a knock at the door, Josie turned her head to watch the door open and Florian walk in, fully dressed. "You do like it?" he asked as Josie nodded slowly, finishing buttoning up her dress and buttoning up the rest of her dress, covering the necklace with the material.

"I love it," Josie whispered, sitting down in front of the mirror before she began to start pinning her hair back, aware that Florian was still watching her. "You're pulling that face again," Josie commented as Florian glanced in the mirror in confusion, trying to work out what she meant. "You always pull a face when I pin my hair back."

"That's because I love your hair when it's down and I can run my fingers through it. Your hair is always so perfect, I can't really mess it up now," he smiled, her eyes rolling as she completed pinning it back before glancing up at him. "You look beautiful Josie," Florian said before he leant down and kissed her gently. "Are you ready to go?" Florian asked as Josie nodded slowly, her fingers lacing with his as they moved towards the door. Moving downstairs, Josie smiled as she pulled her coat on and put her hat on, Florian watching her in amazement before she breathed out.

"I can do this," Josie whispered as Florian watched her. "I need to make sure that my department has been looked after in my absence," Josie declared as Florian laughed, her fingers lacing with his before he opened the front door and smiled across at her.

"You will be fine and so will accessories," Florian promised before they left the house, her arm wrapping around his as she continued to smile. "You know that no one would dare try and run accessories in any way less than you would approve of," Florian smiled as she glanced up at him. "In fear of you losing your temper."

"You make me sound evil Florian," Josie moaned.

"I make you sound dedicated and a perfectionist, which you know that you are Josie," he said quickly, the two of them walking together as she rolled her eyes. "Everything about you is perfect. The way you dress, the way you do your hair, the way you work Josie," Florian commented as they moved through the crowd towards Oxford Street. "You are a complete perfectionist."

"You make it sound like a bad thing," Josie responded.

"Never. It makes you perfect," he whispered, a laugh leaving her lips as Selfridges appeared in the distance. Feeling her tense beside him at the sight of the shop further down the street, Florian sighed before he turned in to face her, his hand finding hers as she bit into her lip. "Please don't worry," Florian smiled as she remained silent. "You are going to be fine. You are going to walk into that shop with your head held high and you are going to show them all that you're back now and there is nothing wrong," Florian explained as she continued to watch him. "You can do this," he insisted before kissing her gently, neither of them caring that they were standing in a busy street. Moving towards the shop again, the couple sighed as they began to reach the staff entrance. "I guess this is where we say goodbye then," he commented as she tightened her hold of his hand, her head shaking as she smiled up at him again. "We can't stand here all day."

"We could try," Josie whispered as Florian sighed, aware that she was nervous.

"What if I stayed in the area today? I could come and visit you during your lunch hour and if it gets really bad, then I'm around and we can rethink things," he suggested as she stared at him in amazement. He would do that, for her?

"You'd do that for me?" Josie asked quietly as he smiled.

"You know I would," Florian whispered as she nodded slowly. Hearing the door behind them begin to open, Josie slowly removed her hand from his before she smiled weakly, her head turning to see Mr Selfridge standing in the doorway.

"Miss Mardle, Mr Dupont," he greeted as they nodded slowly. "It is wonderful to see that you have returned Miss Mardle, are you feeling better now?" he asked as Josie nodded, aware that Agnes had informed them that she was unwell and had needed time to recover. "The store hasn't been the same without you," he added as she smiled, glancing up at Florian again as she remained silent. "Now, Mr Dupont," Mr Selfridge began as the Belgian nodded slowly. "I was wondering if I could have a talk with you," he declared as Josie's smile disappeared, her mind suddenly filling with questions.

Why did he need to talk to Florian?

Had he seen something?

Had Roger said something?

Did he think their relationship reflected negatively on the shop like Roger believed?

But then why would he talk to Florian and not her?

Did he believe she couldn't cope with it?

"Of course Mr Selfridge," Florian nodded, noticing the look of panic that was starting to appear on Josie's face as she remained silent beside him.

"I shall see you in my office then, in shall we say five minutes?" Harry smiled before he disappeared into the shop again, Florian's hand immediately grasping Josie's when he was gone.

"Josie stop worrying," Florian immediately said, his hand squeezing hers as she stared at him.

"What if he knows about us?" Josie asked quietly.

"Then he knows," Florian smiled, trying desperately to comfort her. "You won't lose your job for being with me Josie," he explained as she remained silent. "You were happy only a couple of moments ago, please try and smile again," the musician whispered, glancing around them before he slowly leant down and kissed her gently, not surprised when she didn't respond to the touch. "Josie," he whispered as she shut her eyes and rested her forehead against his shoulder.

"I'm being silly, I know," Josie mumbled quietly as he rested his hands on the small of her back. "You need to go to your meeting Florian," she whispered, moving away from him as he nodded and smiled at her. "Go through the front entrance though," Josie smiled as he nodded again, kissing her quickly before he took a step away from her.

"I will come and tell you what happened if you're not busy, if you are I'll tell you at lunch," he explained, the brunette nodding as he disappeared towards the front entrance to the shop.

"I can do this," Josie whispered to herself before she slowly stepped inside, smiling at the familiarity of the building around her. She knew that it was ridiculous to be nervous, when she felt so at home at Selfridges, but she was absolutely terrified that someone would know all about what had happened to her, that people would be gossiping about what had happened and what she had attempted to do. Removing her coat and jacket, Josie breathed out before she stepped out of the staff area and walked towards accessories, smiling weakly at her colleagues as she walked past them.

"Miss Mardle," a voice suddenly exclaimed, Josie smiling when Grace appeared behind the accessories counter, beaming at her. "It's so wonderful to have you back," the blonde said quickly as Josie brushed her fingers across the counter, smiling at how perfect everything had been kept. "I tried to keep everything to your standard Miss Mardle," she said nervously as Josie glanced around, taking in how perfect everything was. It was almost like she had never gone away.

"You have done a wonderful job Miss Calthorpe," Josie smiled as Grace beamed, clearly proud of what she had done. "You are clearly well suited to running a department," Josie commented as the young blonde began to blush.

"I don't think so, you do it a lot better than I do," she admitted quietly as Josie laughed and nodded, her fingers brushing across some of the gloves that were on show. "How are you? Miss Towler said you were unwell," Grace said quietly as Josie smiled across at her, taking in how concerned the young woman seemed to be about her.

"I am a lot better than I was," Josie responded. "I needed some time to recover and I am glad that the department was left in such good hands," she said proudly as Grace nodded and excused herself, moving away to start getting the department ready for the day. Glancing across at the lift, Josie breathed out as she waited for Florian to reappear. Hearing the lifts of the door finally open, Josie smiled when the musician reappeared and started to walk towards her. "Miss Calthorpe," Josie called out before turning to face the blonde. "Can you take over for me? I shall be back in a moment," Josie smiled as Grace nodded slowly, watching as Josie quickly moved away and approached Florian. Walking out of the building, the couple walked away from the shop before she glanced up at him. "And?" Josie asked quietly.

"He wanted to know whether I was available to perform at the party he is arranging for Mrs Selfridge's birthday at the shop," he explained quickly, laughing when Josie beamed and quickly wrapped her arms around his body. Hearing her laugh gently in happiness, Florian continued to hold her as she smiled proudly at him.

"Florian, that's wonderful news," Josie beamed as he nodded in response, continuing to watch her as she breathed out. "I should go back to work, I shouldn't really have left," she admitted as Florian glanced across at the shop before nodding slowly.

"Before you go," Florian said quietly as she glanced up at him again. "I know that the staff are invited and you are going to go," he explained as she nodded slowly, aware that if there was a staff event it would suspicious if she didn't attend. "But I would like it if you would go with me," he said quietly as Josie bit into her lip, unable to stop herself from worrying about what people would think.

"Yes," Josie whispered as he beamed, amazed that she had agreed. Kissing him quickly, Josie laughed against her lips as she continued to watch him. "I need to go back to work now. I've already disappeared and I've not even be back at work for thirty minutes," she explained as he nodded, kissing her again before she moved away from him and watched him.

"Lunch?" he asked.

"Lunch," Josie smiled before she turned away and walked back towards the shop.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXO

"Josie," Agnes called out as she knocked on Josie's door before she slowly opening it, smiling when she saw Josie sat in front of her dressing table, her hair down and dressed in her robe. "Josie, we're supposed to leave in thirty minutes," Agnes said quietly, moving towards the dark haired woman as Josie glanced up at her and smiled weakly. "Florian's getting nervous," Agnes admitted as Josie nodded and stood up before approaching her wardrobe, opening it before groaning. "What's the matter?"

"I don't know what to wear," Josie said quietly before she turned to face Agnes who was watching her in silence. "Florian wants me to attend as his partner and I want to go with him and I don't know what to wear," Josie admitted as Agnes moved towards her, staring at Josie's collection of clothes while the brunette wrapped her arms around her body. "I want…" she began before falling silent.

"You want to impress," Agnes whispered as Josie began to blush. "It is your first time out with Florian as a couple, you want to look beautiful," Agnes continued while Josie remained silent. "And you're worried because of everything that's happened recently and because of Mr Grove," she added as Josie bit into her lip before nodding slowly.

"Silly isn't it?" Josie shrugged as Agnes shook her head.

"No, it isn't but you have to realise Josie that you are beautiful," Agnes smiled while Josie remained silent. "Now will you please get dressed?" Agnes asked quietly as Josie nodded slowly, smiling weakly when Agnes left the room. Reaching into the wardrobe, Josie slowly removed a dress before pulling it on, brushing her fingers across the grey material, her fingers brushing against the lace that decorated it. Moving towards the dressing table, Josie began to pin her hair back before she heard a knock at the door and it creak open.

"Hello darling," Josie smiled into the mirror as Florian moved slowly towards her, his hand resting on her shoulder before she glanced up at him. "Nervous?" she asked quietly, not surprised when he slowly nodded.

"Terrified," Florian admitted before leaning down and kissing her gently. "Are you nearly ready?" he asked quietly.

"Yes," Josie responded. "And you'll be wonderful tonight Florian. You perform beautifully every time," Josie promised, standing up quickly before his hand moved to rest on the small of her back.

"You look..." Florian began before falling silent, his head shaking as she laughed gently. "You're so beautiful," he whispered as she rolled her eyes, her smile growing again when he kissed her. "You do want to go?" he asked quietly as she nodded, her fingers playing with the lapels of his jacket as he watched her.

"Of course I do, of course I want to be there. You're performing Florian, I wouldn't miss it for the world," Josie whispered, shutting her eyes when Florian gently pressed a kiss to her forehead.

"I will be there the whole time, he can't hurt you," Florian responded, Josie not surprised that he was aware of what was concerning her the most. Resting his hand on her cheek, Florian smiled as Josie stared at him in silence. "Prove to him that you don't need him anymore, show him how happy you are," he smiled as Josie bit into her lip, his free hand taking hold of hers as she remained still. "Think of this morning, think of being away," he whispered quietly as she nodded slowly, both of them glancing down to see her necklace clearly on show against her skin. Bringing his hand up, Josie glanced up at the musician before she gently pressed a kiss to his knuckles.

"Thank you."

XOXOXOXOXOXO

Josie couldn't stop grinning in pride as she watched Florian perform in front of the audience, noticing the smiles that filled the crowd as she moved her fingers to play with the pendant again. Hearing the piece of music reach its end, Josie beamed as she began to applaud with the rest of the audience, unable to stop herself from grinning at Florian while he stared at the crowd. Watching Florian move to pack away his violin, Josie slowly stood up before approaching him while everyone else began to talk amongst themselves.

"You were wonderful," Josie smiled, her voice making him turn to face her as he beamed. "I knew you would be Florian," the brunette added as he laughed, his fingers brushing against hers as she stared up at him in amazement. "Everyone adored your performance Florian, we need to look for an orchestra for you," Josie explained as his fingers began to entwine with hers, a small smile covering both their faces at the touch.

"Did you enjoy it?" Florian asked quietly.

"I enjoy every time you perform," she admitted. "Whether you're just practicing or you're performing properly, I love listening to you," Josie explained, falling silent when she heard someone clear their throat behind. Turning, Josie bit into her lip as she found herself looking at Mr and Mrs Selfridge, aware that she was still holding onto Florian's hand.

"You were wonderful Mr Dupont," Mrs Selfridge smiled at him as Florian squeezed Josie's hand.

"Thank you Mrs Selfridge, happy birthday," the musician responded quickly as Mr Selfridge glanced down at the couples joined hands before smiling up at Florian.

"Mr Dupont, there are some people I would like to introduce you too," Mr Selfridge said as Florian nodded, slowly letting go of Josie's hand as she smiled across at him. "Excuse us," the American smiled before he disappeared across the room with the musician, Josie watching as the two men talked amongst themselves.

"He clearly makes you very happy," Rose commented as Josie glanced across at her, blushing silently as Rose's smile continued to grow. "You deserve to have something other than the job," she said quickly as Josie looked across at Florian to see him talking in a group of men she didn't know. "He is a lovely man," Rose added.

"He is," Josie responded as Rose smiled at her.

"We're both very glad to see you happy Miss Mardle, especially with you being so unwell recently," Rose explained as Josie nodded. "Now I should probably socialise," she said quietly as Josie laughed before nodding, aware at the other woman was supposed to be celebrating her birthday.

"Thank you Mrs Selfridge, happy birthday," Josie said quietly before Rose excused herself and disappeared into the crowd of well-wishers.

"So you're now flaunting this ridiculous relationship around," a familiar voice commented behind her as Josie shut her eyes. Why did he have to ruin everything? Breathing out, Josie quickly opened her eyes before forcing a smile onto her face and turning around to face the redhead. "Returned to London?" Roger asked as she nodded.

"We returned yesterday," Josie responded, looking across to see Florian laughing with the group of men Mr Selfridge had introduced him too only moments before. "And our relationship is not ridiculous."

"Not ridiculous? Josie he's so much younger than you and you are flaunting around the fact that you are sleeping with him," he declared as she glared up at him.

"I am not discussing this with you here," Josie hissed before she walked towards the exit of the room, refusing to ruin Rose Selfridge's birthday because Roger was being an arse. Hearing him follow, Josie sighed as she walked into an empty room in the store before she turned to face him. "Why do you do this? Why do you try and ruin everything?" she asked as he stared at her.

"People are talking about you Josie," Roger stated as she shook her head. "You're flaunting this relationship around. Holding his hand in public, kissing him in the street," he declared as she shook her head, refusing to listen to him. He was not going to ruin this for her. Moving her fingers to the pendant, Josie smiled weakly as Roger watched her in silence for a moment. "You're putting yourself in a negative light," he declared as she glanced up at him. "You're practically labelling yourself as a whore," he stated, shock covering both their faces when her hand slapped against his face. Grabbing her arm, Roger stared at her as she continued to shake her head at him.

"I am not afraid of you anymore," Josie stated. "I am not scared of you."

"What would Florian think of you if he knew about your past?" Roger asked as he stared at her, immediately noticing the small smirk that appeared on her face.

"He knows everything, you can't blackmail me with that anymore," Josie stated before she forced her arm out of his grasp. "I told him," Josie smiled. "He knows every single thing. He knows about our affair, he knows about our son and he still loves me in a way that you never did," Josie declared, her smile growing as Roger continued to watch her in silence. "You have nothing to threaten with me anymore."

"Josie?" Florian's voice called out before he entered the room, glancing across at Josie before looking at the other man in the room. "Is everything okay?" he asked quietly as he moved towards the brunette, who quickly nodded at him.

"Everything's fine," Josie said quietly, her hand finding his as Roger stared at her, his eyes rolling at them. "You have treated me disgustingly recently," Josie declared as she glanced across at Roger. "You were once the person I was closest to, you were my friend and you have treated me horribly."

"Josie," Florian whispered as Josie shook her head.

"No, I'm tired of keeping secrets," Josie declared as Roger remained silent. "I was never able to talk about our son with you Roger, he barely exists. You have threatened me every time I tried to talk to you about our baby, you have made me feel disgusting and broken because I'm not able to have children. You have blackmailed me, called me an old fool, a whore."

"He called you what?" Florian immediately asked, tensing as Josie squeezed his hand back, aware that Florian would probably hit the other man if he could. "A whore?" he questioned, looking down at the brunette as she looked up at him, her free hand moving to his cheek.

"Please calm down," Josie whispered, her voice almost silent as she squeezed his hand again as he sighed and nodded before Josie turned to focus on the other man again. "You have made me feel so sick about myself recently that I tried to end my own life Roger," Josie declared.

"You did what?" Roger asked quietly.

"I took all of my sleeping pills at once because of how bad you had made me feel. Agnes found me, just in time apparently," Josie declared, refusing to look away from him as he glanced down at his shoes. "For once in my life, I am actually happy and you will not ruin that for me."

"Josie," Roger whispered as she shook her head at him.

"Do you know something?" Josie asked quietly as he glanced up at her, noticing the change in her tone. "I could threaten you now, I could threaten to tell everyone about our affair if you made anymore disgusting comments, but I don't want too," Josie admitted as she felt Florian move closer to her. "You were my friend, you were the father of my son, you will always be a part of my life and I would rather we were on good terms with each other than be like this," Josie explained, shocking the two men in the room. "You have moved on, why can't I? Why can't you just be happy for me Roger?"

"You know why," Roger said quietly as she shook her head.

"I don't believe that, not with how you've treated me," Josie stated, feeling Florian's hold of her hand get slightly tighter. "I want this to end Roger, I want you to accept that I am in love with someone else, that I have moved on now. You have your wife and children now, let me have my future," she said quietly as Roger nodded, the sound of approaching footsteps silencing them as Doris slowly entered the room.

"Roger?" Doris asked as Josie forced a smile onto her face. "I was wondering where you had gone," she smiled, moving towards her husband as Roger nodded and allowed Doris to wrap her arm around his. "Miss Mardle," Doris greeted, her usual smile on her face as Josie nodded.

"Mrs Grove," Josie responded.

"Roger, you've not introduced me," Doris smiled quickly as she looked across at the musician who was standing beside Josie, clutching onto her hand tightly.

"Mr Dupont, I would like you to meet my wife. Doris darling, this is Mr Dupont, he is…" Roger began before sighing. "He is Josie's partner," he addressed as Florian smiled across at the blonde.

"It's lovely to finally meet you Mrs Grove," Florian greeted as Doris tightened her hold of Roger's arm, the older man smiling down at his wife before he glanced across at the other couple.

"Roger darling, we should probably head home. The children will probably still be awake, they have barely seen you today," Doris said quietly as the redhead nodded, smiling weakly. "It was lovely to meet you Mr Dupont, and to see you again Miss Mardle."

"You too," Josie whispered.

"Good night Mr Dupont, Miss Mardle," Roger said quietly before he left the room with his wife, a nervous laugh leaving Josie's lips when they had finally left.

"I did it," Josie said quietly as Florian nodded. "I actually did it."

"You did it Josie," Florian smiled, laughing when Josie tightly wrapped her arms around his neck, his arms wrapping around her body as she looked up at him. "I have something to tell you," Florian admitted as she nodded. "The men Mr Selfridge introduced me too," he began as she remained silent. "They're from an orchestra in London, they would like me to join them," he declared, laughing against Josie's lips when she kissed him.

"That's wonderful Florian," Josie whispered against his lips as he nodded, tightening his hold of her. "I knew you would find an orchestra eventually. No one could ignore your talent," she smiled, kissing him once more before he moved one hand to rest against her cheek.

"Mr Selfridge also told me something," Florian admitted as Josie stared at him in confusion. Told him what?

"Yes?" Josie asked quietly.

"He told me that I had to continue making you smile like you have done tonight because it's not been seen often recently," he whispered as his forehead rested against hers while she shut her eyes. "And he told me to tell you that he and Mrs Selfridge are happy for us."

**This chapter is unbelievably long but I couldn't sleep (it's 3:30 am) and I decided to update.**

**I don't know why I decided to have Josie tell Roger that she didn't hate him and wanted them to be civil because personally, I would have killed him by now for being a massive arse. I originally was going to have her blackmail him but I think she's better than that...**

**I think this story has only got one or two more chapters left, probably just one.**

**However I am thinking of writing another DuMardle story, if people aren't bored of me. Let me know…**

**Thank you for being so wonderful in your reviews. **


	20. Chapter 20

**Thank you for your wonderful reviews- I am glad that you enjoy my stories and my DuMardle work. I am planning on writing another DuMardle story soon, if you are interested so let me know. You have all been so kind and I wish I could reply to every single one of you but it's difficult as the majority of you are anonymous.**

**So this is our final chapter, it's not my favorite but it brings everything together and I hope you enjoy it.**

**Dedicated to every person who has reviewed- these stories wouldn't happen without you.**

"You do know you have a perfectly good bed just up the stairs Josie," Florian smiled as he entered the living room to see Josie curled up on the sofa, like most evenings, her eyes slowly opening as she glanced across at him and grinned. Moving towards her, Florian shook his head gently before kneeling down in front of her. "I've tried your bed too, it's unbelievably comfortable so I don't know why I have to keep persuading to go to bed at a suitable time rather than staying on the sofa, which we both know is dreadfully uncomfortable to sleep on," Florian commented, his fingers brushing against her cheek as she continued to watch him with a small smile on her face.

"When you took the orchestra job, I told you I'd stay up every single evening you were away and wait for you to come home and I am doing exactly that," Josie explained before leaning across and kissing him gently. "How was the performance Florian?" she asked quietly as she sat up, the musician moving to sit beside her as his arms wrapped tightly around her body, cuddling her close to him as her smile continued to grow.

"The same as every other performance Josie," he responded as she glanced up at him, already aware of what his answer would be. "It was wonderful," he added as she nodded, laughing when he kissed her again. "You really don't need to stay up every single evening, especially when you're tired. I honestly don't mind Josie," he said quietly as she began to relax against him, her eyes shutting as she shook her head. "This is the third night this week I've come home to find you asleep on the sofa, it's not a good habit" Florian commented as she shrugged, enjoying the warmth of his arms as she continued to smile. "How was work today?" he asked quietly as she turned in his arms, looking up at him as he continued to keep his hand on her cheek.

"The same as every other day," Josie smirked as he laughed at the response, kissing her quickly as she continued to smile at him. "Shall we go to bed?" Josie asked quietly as he sighed, relaxing back on the sofa as she continued to watch him. "We could go upstairs," Josie whispered as her fingers slowly began to unbutton his shirt while he glanced down at her fingers. "Take these clothes off," she continued as he laughed when she finished unbuttoning his shirt and pressed a kiss to his chest. "Enjoy our evening," she added as he bit into his lip, laughing when she leant up and kissed him again. "Just the two of us," she whispered against his lips as he nodded, unable to stop himself from smiling at her.

"I think that that's a wonderful idea," Florian whispered, laughing when she stood up and held her hand out towards him. Taking it in his, Florian smiled as he stood up and Josie stepped towards him, her fingers pushing the unbuttoned shirt off his body before she laughed gently. "What are you doing?" Florian asked quietly as she threw the shirt on the ground and stared up at him before he kissed her again. "Agnes could walk in right now and I really don't want her to see me without my shirt," Florian smiled, his arms wrapping around her body as she shook her head and began to kiss his neck. "Josie," he laughed, unable to stop himself from smiling as his hands rested on the small of her back. She seemed so much happier and comfortable now after confronting Mr Grove. She had been laughing more, had been more open in their relationship around other people and she was even more happier than he had ever seen her. "Right Miss Mardle, we are going upstairs," Florian declared, lifting her into his arms as she squealed and wrapped her arms around his neck.

"You are not carrying me up the stairs Florian," Josie declared as he began to carry her out of the room, the brunette tightening her hold around his neck as he continued to laugh. He loved this woman, he loved her more than anything in the world. "Florian put me down, you'll drop me," Josie moaned as he continued to carry her towards the stairs. "Florian, if you drop me, you are sleeping on the sofa," she threatened, a small smile still appearing on her face as he began to walk up the stairs.

"How could I possibly drop you Josie? You aren't exactly heavy," he responded, moving up the stairs before he reached their bedroom and carried her inside. "See, I didn't drop you," he smirked, her eyes rolling before she pressed a gentle kiss to his cheek. Putting her down on their bed, Florian smiled as Josie looked up at him before shaking her head and laughing. "I left my shirt downstairs," Florian realised.

"I don't care, come here," Josie declared, finding his hand before pulling him down to sit beside her. "You make me so happy," Josie whispered as Florian reached up and began to unpin her hair, smiling when the dark curls fell over his hands. "Florian," she said quietly, moving as close as possible as he moved his hands down to her back again. "I love you," Josie admitted, her smile growing as he stared at her in amazement. "And you're shocked by that? You're shocked by my feelings for you?" she asked, her hand moving to his cheek as he shook his head, still staring at her in amazement.

"I'm just surprised Josie, not shocked. I've wanted you to say it for a long time, for you to just say it to me without worrying about people judging you for how you feel," Florian explained before kissing her gently. "I love you," Florian whispered as she slowly led his hands to the buttons of the white blouse she was wearing.

"I am saying it because I don't care what people think about my feelings anymore," Josie explained as he listened to her, his smile continuing to grow. "I love you, I love you," Josie beamed as he laughed, kissing her quickly as her fingers brushed through his hair. "You are the only person in the world who can make me feel like this, who can make me smile and laugh like I do when I'm around you," Josie explained as he continued to watch her in amazement. "I love you Florian," Josie whispered, her voice firm before she leant forward and kissed him again, his fingers finally pushing the shirt off her body.

XOXOXOXOXO

"Do you know why I wait for you to come home every night?" Josie asked as she rested her head against his chest, his fingers playing with her hair as he glanced down at her. "I wait for you to come home from the orchestra because the days when I have to work and you have rehearsals and performances in the evening we hardly see each other and I don't want us to be a couple who barely talk because we're too busy," Josie explained as she looked up at him, her smile growing as he leant down and gently kissed her. "We both love our careers but I don't want them to get in the way of our relationship. My life is about more than my work now," Josie whispered against his lips as he continued to smile at her. "It's about you too."

"Come to the performance tomorrow night," Florian smiled as she nodded quickly. She had attended his first performance with the orchestra and had loved it but with the store preparing for another major event in the next couple of days work had been busier than normal and she hadn't been able to make any more of his shows. "You will be able to go won't you? Work won't be too busy?" he asked quietly as she laughed and straddled his body, her lips hovering over his as she leant down while he glanced up at her.

"Florian Dupont, I will be at your performance tonight, I have agreed to go now and nothing will stop me from being there," Josie declared as he brushed his fingers through her hair before she kissed him gently. "I really do love you Florian," Josie whispered as he beamed, stealing another kiss as she began to laugh. "If I go to the performance with you, you have to go to the event at Selfridges," she quickly added as he smiled.

"I'm beginning to think that you enjoy going to these events with me," he responded as she nodded, grinning at him before she leant down and kissed him gently. "Now Miss Mardle, I think we need to get some sleep," he declared as her eyebrows rose before she nodded and moved to lie down beside him, his arms wrapping tightly around her as he gently pressed a kiss into her hair. "Good night," Florian whispered, her eyes shutting as she buried her face into his chest. "You are an extreme cuddlier."

"Be quiet," Josie responded as he laughed.

XOXOXOXOXO

"You and Florian seem happier than ever," Agnes commented as she walked slowly down Oxford Street with Josie, her smile continuing to grow as she observed Josie blushing at the comment. "It's nice, to see you happy," Agnes said quietly as Josie smiled and nodded, watching the younger woman in silence. She knew that Agnes had been quieter since both Henri and George had left for the continent and she knew the young woman was permanently worried that something would arrive in the post, bringing her bad news about her brother or the man she loved.

"They'll come back to you," Josie admitted as Agnes glanced across at her, not surprised that Josie had guessed why she had been so quiet recently and had spent most of her time alone. "Why don't you join me tonight? I am going to attend Florian's performance, he would love it if you joined me," she suggested as Agnes nodded slowly. "You could do with the break away from work," Josie added as Agnes laughed. "You have been so busy since Henri left, you are designing most of the windows alone and you have been working stupidly late now," Josie explained as Agnes nodded again, not knowing how to respond while aware that she had been staying at the shop later every evening.

"I would love to come tonight Josie," Agnes admitted as Josie smiled at her. "I'm yet to see Florian's new orchestra and I'm looking forward to seeing him perform again," she said quickly.

"Wonderful," Josie beamed, glad that Agnes had agreed to attend the performance with her. "It'll be nice to spend an evening out with you Agnes, we haven't gone out for an evening in a while," she explained as they began to approach the staff entrance. "They will be alright Agnes, Henri and George will come back to you," the brunette promised as they stopped outside the door, Agnes smiling weakly as Josie's hand gently rested on her arm. "Try and remain positive," Josie smiled as Agnes nodded. "Now, go and design some beautiful windows for this shop and I shall see you this evening for a fun night out," she declared as Agnes nodded before they both entered the shop.

"They will come back, won't they Josie?" Agnes asked quietly as they stood in the staff area. "They will come back to me."

"Of course they will," Josie insisted. "They will come back to London and everything will be alright, I promise," she whispered as Agnes continued to nod. "Agnes, you must start talking to me about these things. You can't keep locking yourself away and working late," Josie explained. "Promise me that you'll talk to me in the future, you're practically the only family I have Agnes," Josie whispered as Agnes smiled weakly.

"May I hug you?" Agnes asked as Josie laughed and nodded, her smile growing as the younger woman wrapped her arms around Josie's body. "You are family to me, you and Florian, you are part of my family. My strange little family," she explained as Josie smiled weakly before Agnes stepped away from her.

"I've never thanked you Agnes," Josie said quietly, confusion covering the younger woman's face as she stared at Josie in silence. "I wouldn't be here right now if it wasn't for you. You saved my life Agnes, you looked after me when I made a stupid decision with those tablets. I wouldn't have Florian, I wouldn't be happy, I wouldn't have had a future and Roger would have won if it hadn't been for you."

"Maybe one day you'll tell me why you felt so lost Josie," Agnes said quietly as she found Josie's hand and squeezed it.

"One day I will," Josie promised. "One day I'll tell you everything."

XOXOXOXO

"Florian, we're home," Josie called out as she entered the house that afternoon, Agnes following her as they heard footsteps in the distance. Removing her coat and hat, Josie sighed as she heard a door open before she looked up to see Florian approaching. "You are covered in dirt," Josie commented, noticing the brown marks to his shirt and trousers as he smiled at her and nodded. "Why are you covered in dirt Florian?" she questioned, groaning when he held his hand out towards her.

"Come with me for a moment Josie," Florian said quietly, the brunette biting into her lip before she nodded and slowly took hold of his hand. Leading her through the house, Florian slowly directed the brunette towards the garden while she continued to squeeze his hand, following him in complete silence. "If you hate it, tell me and I will get rid of it," he explained, leading her outside as she stared at him in confusion.

"Have you been gardening?" Josie asked as he nodded again. "Why?"

"Just wait and see," Florian smiled as she sighed, following him towards the back of the garden as confusion covered her face. She could see where he had been working but she couldn't tell what he had planted from what was currently on show. "It's a rose," he explained, his arms wrapping around her body as she continued to stare at it. Okay, it was a rose, but why had he planted it? "You told me that you never knew where your son was buried," he explained, feeling her tense in his arms before she glanced up at him.

"Florian," she whispered.

"I planted it for your son," he explained. "I know it's not the same as a grave but it's somewhere for you to think of him, something to memorialize your child," he whispered as she felt the tears begin to form, her hands brushing them away as he watched her, suddenly worried that he'd done the wrong thing. "I should have asked you first," he whispered as she began to shake her head.

"No Florian, it's wonderful," she muttered before leaning up and kissing him gently. "It's a lovely idea," she smiled against his lips. "You care so much about me, about my son," she whispered, her fingers brushing against his cheeks as he moved his hands to her back, keeping her close as tears began to run down her face. "I wish more than anything in the world that I could give you a child, that you could be a father," she whispered as he continued to watch her. "You would be a wonderful father Florian."

"And you would have been a fantastic mother Josie," he declared, cuddling her close as she smiled weakly at his statement. Biting into her lip for a moment, Josie remained silent before she glanced back up at the musician before kissing him gently, her fingers moving through his hair as he smiled against her lips. "I love you," he whispered as she rested her forehead against his.

"Florian," Josie mumbled as he remained close to her. "Marry me?" she asked quietly, her voice suddenly nervous as he stared at her in amazement. What? What had she just asked?

"Josie?" he asked quietly as her fingers laced with his, her eyes remaining focused on him as she nodded. "Did you just ask me?" he questioned as she continued to nod.

"Marry me?" she asked again as he smiled. "I know it's not traditional for me to ask and I know that it's soon but I love you and you love me and that's more than some people start their marriages on," she explained as his smile continued to grow.

"Josie," he responded, the sound of her name silencing her as he squeezed her hand. "I would love to marry you," he explained, laughing when she beamed and tightly wrapped her arms around his neck. "I would love to be your husband," he declared, her smile growing before she leant forward and kissed him gently.

"We're getting married," Josie laughed into his ear as he wrapped his arms around her. "I'm going to be your wife," she said in amazement, shocked that she had actually asked him. "I just asked you to marry me."

"You definitely did," he responded as she bit into her lip.

"I asked you to marry me," Josie said quietly, his head nodding as she laughed. "When someone asks you how you proposed to me, it will be an interesting story," Josie commented as he shrugged.

"I will tell them that my strong and independent future wife asked me," he explained. "Or I could do this," he declared, confusion covering her face before he moved to get down on one knee.

"Florian," Josie laughed as he continued to hold onto her hand.

"You already know that I'll marry you," he explained as she began to blush. "But Josie Mardle, will you do me the honour of being my wife?" he asked as she nodded slowly, unable to stop herself from laughing as he pressed a kiss to her hand.

"Will you get up now?" she asked as he nodded, standing quickly before he wrapped his arms around her again. "You need to go and get ready for the performance Florian," she said quietly as he nodded, pressing a kiss to her forehead as she relaxed into his hold. "You should probably wash as well Florian, you're covered in dirt. We can't have a violinist covered in mud tonight, people will start asking questions."

"I'll go and wash now then," he sighed, stepping away from her as she nodded. "Are you going to come inside?" he asked quietly as she shook her head.

"I'll come inside in a moment, I just want a moment alone," she whispered as he nodded, glancing down at the rose he had planted before he silently stepped inside the house. Staring at the plant, Josie sighed before moving to kneel down on the ground, her fingers brushing against some of the leaves as she bit into her lip. He had done this for her and for her William, for her baby boy. "I'm getting married," Josie whispered, for the first time in her life feeling completely content with the direction her life was going in. Brushing her fingers across the leaves again, Josie smiled to herself before biting into her lip. "You've not been forgotten," Josie mumbled. "You are not my little secret, you are someone I am very proud of," Josie smiled. "My little boy," she whispered, smiling weakly before she stood up and rested her hands on her stomach, remembering the small boy that she had held once in her arms, finally able to remember him without hating the memory.

She was finally completely content with her life. .

**Review?**

**Once again, thank you and I hope to hear from you again and I will start my new story soon- probably tomorrow, knowing me.  
**


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